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female
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anonymous
writes: How do you know if you are ready for sex?Because i want to and i feel like im ready but i have a really big problem with a fear of pain!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): well u dont want to have sex for the wrong reasons, i for one made that misstake but if u love him then do it but dont do it because u want to, it dont hurt so much just stay relaxed....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2007): It's tough to guage the advice to give you, based on 'no' statement of your age. Not sure how old you are but I will assume you are a young adolescent, dear so I will base my advice on that. If I'm incorrect, please write back and let us know. But if the the below doesn't apply to you, then maybe it might help someone else who is much younger. Like many of the below Aunts stated, you need to trust your own feelings inside an ask if the time right now, with this person feels right to you. If you are a youth under 16, I read somewhere a 'perspective' that all youth should be aware of before they have sex. One of the best ways of knowing if you are ready for sexual readiness. Try this test--talk with your gf's and say the words 'penis' and 'vagina'. If you honestly can't say those words with fits of laughter and giggling, then my dear...you are not ready. It means you are too immature and need more time to emotionally develop and mature, hun. So assuming you aren't rolling on the floor in fits of laughter at saying the above words, you need to think about a few important pointers. Understand the emotional implications. Sex drives the heart for most females..much, much more so, than for males. If you undertake this, you may and likely will become much more emotionally attached and bonded to your partner but he may not necessarily feel the same way. This is where the 'trust' comes into play for you. You have to trust that he's a good, decent bf and be absolutely sure your he respects you, totally.
Whatever your reason be sure it is worth giving something away that you will never get back. So now, Understand all the risks involved in having first-time sex such as pregnancy STD's and HIV. All this can happen the first time, dear. Although you will protect yourself with a condom, be aware--there is no 100% fail-proof system in place. It's a huge risk. Just remember if you and your bf don't take these important steps to protect yourselves, then you are definitely not ready. A good book to pick up at your local library or bookstore; "Facts About Sex for Today's Youth" Before undertaking this, please research and become informed, hun. If you are an older teen (17 and over) or a young adult female, it's likely you know a lot of was was written above. You say you fear the pain. Not everyone feels pain when having sex for the first time, hun. Everyone is uniquely different. Good luck to you and please, make this decision based on common sense and look after yourself. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Babi-G  +, writes (28 January 2007):
ull know if your ready its not something you can ask. once you have met the right one then ull know when sex is the right time. you shouldnt rush into it though you can have sex anytime in your life, there will always be boys on the planet they are not going anywhere. just make sure you dont rush it because trust me u will regret it if u do.
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A
female
reader, Evangeline +, writes (25 January 2007):
 Hey
I had my first time several weeks ago and i had a MAJOR worry about it hurting!
But when it came to the crunch it wasnt that bad. Everyone said to me before hand 'you must use lube' and they were right - surprisingly it made a big difference - it was much easier and less painful then i had expected!
Feeling ready for it certainly does help - its one less worry when it comes to the crunch, its also important that it is with someone who you really care about. If you want to do it for the right reasons then you should - there are few things better than great sex between two people who really care about each other.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (25 January 2007):
 You really will know when you're ready. It's just a feeling inside. It's natural to have some concerns about sex but if these are serious concerns remember that might mean you're not ready. If you're under 16 make sure you see your doctor beforehand for advice about safe sex too.
CD
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (25 January 2007):
 You know you're ready when you dont have to ask strangers on the internet.
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (25 January 2007):
 You will know when you are ready. You wont need to ask but make sure that as Vina said, you're doing it for the right reasons and that you're in a loving relationship. It doesnt hurt too bad. Its a sharp, quick pain but that passes. You may find that you bleed a little but not much. I did a bit but its nothing too major so dont worry! Just be sure that your partner is worthy of what you are giving him. Take care.x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 If you ask this question then you are not ready. Besides who wants to "have sex"? Whatever happened to romance and love? Making love is a wonderful thing between two people committed to each other. Otherwise it is just meaningless animal sex.
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (25 January 2007):
 First of all how old are you? Second of all: A good indicator of being ready is not having to ask people on the internet. But I'm glad you asked. :)
Ok the pain part... It's really not that bad. Obviously it's not nice but it's not as bad as you're thinking. It's kind of like...when you get your ears peireced. You know you got it peirced and you felt some pain but you forget about it with time until you find yourself telling other people that it didn't hurt at all. So the pain is really not that bad you shouldn't be afraid of it.
You know when you're ready for sex when... you feel comfortable with yourself and with your body and with the person you're about to have sex with. And when there are no doubts in your mind about whether you should do it or not. If you're questionning yourself and thinking "Hmm... I don't know about this" then you're not ready. Also if you have a fear of some kind then that means you're not comfortable or calm which means you're not ready.
Also...When you are absolutely sure that you won't regret it after you've done it, then you're ready.
But before you have sex make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Don't do it to be popular. Don't do it because everyone else seems to be doing it. Don't do it because you think you're pathetic if you stay a virgin. Don't do it if you feel forced or pressured. And definately don't do it to make someone else happy.
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