A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together 8 years now and are now engaged for the second time. Between the two engagements we broke up, but remained still "close" friends. Now we are planning our wedding and we can't stop fighting; little things are make it or break it fights for me. If anyone knows how this feels to love and hate, that's how I feel. I'm afraid to live with him forever, but I can't imagine anything without him. The problem is that he holds everything in, he's extremely passive, he is afraid to let me into his feelings without me probing or demanding it and he refuses to make any plans for our future because he is afraid that his feelings will be hurt or he will be rejected. These may be things that I should be able to deal with about him, love him love all of him right. But when a trigger happens, all I can see is how he looks to me to do everything for him; answer for him, talk for him, plan for him, sort everything out for him.He says it is because of his chilhood, but he won't talk to me about it. I am an emotional, spirited, love hard and fight hard, stick with it girl, but I just don't know if I'm fighting too hard to keep something together that already come unglued?? He's sweet soft and kind and he love's me like mad, I know, but I can't help but wish for a man that say's "Hey babe, get dressed. I'll be taking you out tonight!" Weddings in 5 months. How do you know when to let go? Why do I want to, but not want to at all?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (11 March 2007):
 This relationship sounds as though it's doomed to fail when you already have so many problems. It seems that you have a good fundamental love for each other but aren't communicating very well. Don't forget that marriage is for life, so if you have any doubts then wait. Weddings are always stressful events but it sounds as though there's more to your arguments than that. You're already feeling resentful about certain things and this can only get worse in time. If I was you I would arrange to go together to relationship counselling before you get married. Your fiance needs to learn to tell you more about his feelings and you need to be able to tell him how you feel in a calm rational way. With an expert there to mediate and guide you I'm sure you'll be able to get to the root of your problems. Hopefully, once you understand each other better you'll both be able to compromise and make allowances for each other and things will be fine. Please do this before it's too late. All the best!
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