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female
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anonymous
writes: I know this may be long but please help me ..i am begging for some advice here. I am not looking to have people say "oh you're not a bad person" unless they truly mean it. I seriously do have a heart of gold so why did i mess up?! I mean i feel like a HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE friend!Here's the story:Me and this girl used to be good friends in middle school then we got in arguements all the time like bad ones and didn't talk for like 3-4 years. Now, it's like we are better friends than even before. We can talk about how people changed for the worse and we didn't. When she came to the door for the first time in all those years, i noticed she gained weight. My step dad was home who also has a heart of gold and would never say anything but i went around a different part of the house with her instead of walking through next to him. I know he wouldn't say anything ..he is nice to her. but ..people have thoughts and i was probably scared of what he would think of her. Even if i told her, it wouldn't take it off my chest .it would make it worse maybe because it would break my heart if i hurt her in any way! and it is bad enough it hurts her when people say stuff about her weight. What do i do? How do i control the guilt if you think i am over reacting. It is so weird how i am a nice person and did this. I did it before by wondering what people would think but this time i took her around a different part of the house and that is what kills me. I feel selfish. I feel like a backstabber for telling you guys and other advice sites and not her and also keeping it from her. Thanks for taking the time to read no matter what your advice is. Just please don't think i am a horrible person. I'm not. I know what it is like to get picked on. I think most people do. Thanks again Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007): I don't think you are selfish at all, just thoughful. You took your friend around another part of the house, just to stave off any critisicm that might of arose. You sound a good mate to me. You cannot possibly say anything about her weight but why don't you two sign up for some fun dance classes. Say go along to a belly dancing class, you will both have a laugh and she will be getting some exercise. Or Salsa, very sexy and there might be some nice hunks there or you could meet some later because of your expert dancing. Don't ever mention the fat word to her, i know, i was nearly 3 st heavier about 3 years ago and people are cruel. My daughter kept telling me to get slim cos i look fat and tired, lovely. I did plenty of healthy eating, exercise and dancing, it worked. Be kind.
Take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): So... you have these thoughts like "she's gained weight" and you feel guilty because she's your friend and you don't think you should be having them?
Listen - all you are doing is noticing the obvious. It's like walking out to a sunny day and thinking "the sky is blue today". There is nothing to feel guilty about.
Lets imagine you've gained weight. You get up each day, you dress yourself and are reminded that none of your nice clothes fit you any more. Then you go to the bathroom, take a look in the mirror and are reminded you look bigger. Then you're out in public and you see all these girls who are skinnier than you, you hate how you compare yourself to other girls all the time. So do you really think you need a friend to tell you that you've gained weight - no. Of course not. You'd be stating the obvious.
Your friend probably thinks about her weight a lot, bringing it up is likely to make her feel bad. If you are that concerned, maybe you could both do something healthy together. Take up a sport or activity, then you can both become more healthy. That's the best thing a concerned friend can do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol ..if you read my question you would know i am not selfish!!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): How can u say u are great friends with her, when u are ashamed to be seen with her by other people,isn't that what u just did by not wanting to be seen next to her,oh wait ur excuse was u were scared what they might say to her.I think u better look again in the mirror,the reality of it is,u were scared she would reflect badly on urself. Selfish is how i look at it not mean.
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