A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been struggling w/ my marriage and am in the process of getting a divorce. This is a painful decision, as I have two kids, but am not in love and have not been in a healthy marriage for years. During this process, my boss and I have become quite close and he has confided in me the struggles he has had over the years in his marriage. We have been best friends for over two years and have a connection/bond that I cannot explain. I never thought anything would happen between us, but it did. I do not feel good about the situation but can honestly tell you that we have fallen totally, completely in love. It really is a soul mate connection that is like something I have never experienced. We want a life together and as he started to put the wheels in motion to separate from his wife, she found out. It has been devastating for everyone involved. I know the criticism that goes along with affairs, but this was not random sex or our desire to have fun behind our spouses back...it is love. Real, true love. Now that this has happened, everything has changed. She naturally is devastated and is threatening to ruin everyone's lives. It is heartbreaking and has left both us with little to no options. How do you know when love can conquer all or when you have to call it quits? I never thought I would be in this situation and did not think of the consequences but rather was consumed with how much love I have for this person.
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affair, best friend, divorce, my boss, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (6 February 2010):
 You mean how infatuated you are with your boss!!! right? remember that wears off, why in the name of hell! couldnt you divorce your current partners, and keep your pants on, until it was all finished?? I dont think it much matters what you do now! honestly! might as well just hit it with the boss! the damage is done, wouldnt that be absolutely pointless, to destroy all those lives on his and your sides, and then just end the relationship? then you ruined all those lives for absolutely nothing! just continue what your doing, might as well start progressing that relationship, cause your never going repair whats already done, kind of painted yourself into a corner!
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (6 February 2010):
 Be REALLY careful in thinking that this is a perfect relationship. It's easy to think you've found true love when things are easy.
The two of you probably bond over how unhappy you are in your marriages, how your spouse doesn't understand you the way he/she does. How life would be perfect if you could just be together.
But the reality is this: it's so easy to think you're in love and have found the perfect person when you only see them at their best.
You get his good side, while his wife washes his dirty underwear. You get him freshly showered, she smells his dirty feet and morning breath. You get him when he's in a good mood, she's seen his bad ones. Right now, you get all of his best-- the attention and affection that rightly belongs to his wife.
Seriously, if he was putting the wheels in motion to separate and planning to leave her, why is her finding out a problem? Why is it a problem that she found out "now" rather than later; after all, he would have to tell her at some point right? Or was he planning to just spring it on her one day after his bags were packed? Has she personally informed you of her plans to ruin your lives, or is this just the line he's giving you to explain why he won't leave her, even though you are his soulmate?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 February 2010):
Call it quits now. Love only conquers all when there is no wife involved. He has just used you as an escape from his marriage. If she ruins your life, you will have learned a painful but valuable lesson. Do not trust a married men who is willing to have an affair. Ever.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (5 February 2010):
Relationships are more than just being about love. They are also about commitment, honesty, faithfulness, family, working through all the tough times. Lasting love cannot begin on a foundation of lies, betrayal, deception, cheating, pain, heartbreak. The magic is there because of the stolen moments that you spend together. Once you are with each other all the time, the spell will be broken. The man may begin to resent you and even blame you for seducing you away from his family. The same kind of disappointment you get when you discover the Prada bag you bought for $500 is actually a fake. You keep it but you're not proud of it anymore. I think you may well be on the path to disappointment.
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