A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do you know when you're with someone for the long-term, and whether it can last?I'm just wondering if I'm overthinking my relationship with my boyfriend of a year. Basically, he has excellent qualities, he's a good person, I love him. But lately, I've been thinking about other qualities that I'm realizing may actually matter to me that I didn't think mattered before. For example, I'm now wondering if our ethnic backgrounds might make a difference. I don't mean this in a racist way, but I just mean in terms of understanding certain cultural differences, and in some cases, having a certain viewpoint because of ethnic upbringing (like how some cultures really really revere the elderly, and some don't necessarily to that level). Same with religion. At first I didn't think it mattered that we had different religious viewpoints, but I'm beginning to think it might bother me as we keep going on...as it is a little bit right now. And the longer we've been together, I realize that while he satisfies a very large crucial part of me in terms of interests and personality (what we like to do together) I realize there's another part of me that I've neglected that I know that he can't satisfy.I don't know if I'm being unrealistic in wanting a perfect well balanced person. Or whether I should just end things now because we aren't ultimately good for each other. DO you think it's important that your partner makes you want to be a better person? Or is it enough that your with someone you are comfortable with and things are just easy?How do you know?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 March 2012):
 I can only speak for myself but to me, I know a man is right for me if he brings laughter and joy into my life, if I miss him when he's not with me and if he can still make my heart skip a beat when I look at him. You know when someone is right for you, its not something that you should have to ask yourself. If you are having doubts, then perhaps this isn't the right man for you. I do feel that being with someone should make you want to be a better person, but many people are very happy in the comfort zone. I certainly understand why you are questioning culture and relgion, they are very important factors and some people cannot bend on how they feel about these 2 subjects. I have been with a Japanese man for over 10 years now, and trust me, we are worlds apart in the way we were brought up with me being from the US, and him from Japan... and we certainly have had our share of ups and downs but through it all, never once have I thought he wasn't worth it. We think alike for the most part and have so many of the same interests, hobbies, ect and sense of humor. His laugh and his smile light a candle in my heart that can't be extinguished. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. There is no perfect man, so you just have to decide what you can live with (his flaws) and what you can't. Only you know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2012): You know if someone loves you from the signs they show. If they show signs of love like winking at you for example or maybe trying to be near you any chance they get trust me there are a lot of love signs you would be reading forever if i listed them all:) if they arent showing noticeable signs maybe either they are hiding their feelings for you or they dont really love you. just ask God to help you trust me he will ask him to keep you with the person if they are the one for you and have them show how much they love you, otherwise set you free of them set him free if he comes back to you hes yours if he doesn't it was never meant to be in the first place. and sorry for this response being so long. remember you are a true B.A.B.E.! (B=beautiful, A=accepted, B= blessed, E=eternally significant!)
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 If you have to ask - he isn't.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Excellent post. Youre maturing and figuring out what u want in a man. If he doesnt fit then split as for the long term is what youre thinking. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, sunandstars +, writes (15 March 2012):
I don't think any man can be completely perfect and satisfy all your wants in a male. If he had one small thing wrong with him, for example his hair wasn't your preferred colour, then naturally it wouldn't be an issue. Ultimately, it's down to how much your religious and cultural differences are effecting your relationship. If you are happy and you think this won't have an impact in the long term, perhaps with marriage, then stick with him. But if this is going to potentially ruin your relationship, then I would end it straight away, because it will be easier to end it now than it would be in three years time when he's proposing to you... Hope this helps!
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