A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i was with my ex girlfriend for 2 yrs and she has recently dumped me 2 months ago and started dating someone else a month after we broke up...I'm sure everybody has been in the situation where your ex moves on to someone else really quickly after a break upSo, my question is...what did you do and how did you handle it when your ex started dating someone else after you 2 had just broken up?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice guys and you all are right...i need to move on and avoid her! And Chigirl....your right, people do recover from heartache in different ways, i guess her way was to immediately start dating someone else..which to be honest, i think is disrespectful to me and the relationship that we had, even tho we're not together anymore and she can do whatever she wants
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): just because she's seeing someone else doesn't mean she has "moved on."
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Honestly, the best medicine for everyone involved is for you to move on, avoid places you know they will be, and let it go.
And that means not asking mutual friends constantly about her, not intentionally going to places that you know you will likely run into either of them, and taking steps to move forward.
This is the best way to handle it whether you still want to be with this girl or not.
It is very easy to latch onto the fact that your ex moved on to someone else, and even to blame that for the break-up. For me, it was when I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me, by accidently finding a guy staying the night with her. (I guess it was my fault for dropping by to pick up the CHRISTMAS PRESENTS she and I had MADE for all four of my sisters...Really it is just funny when I think about it now.)
It was only weeks before they were dating. That was in the beginning of February.
But after time passed, and I gained more objectivity, I realized that the "other person" is rarely the reason for a break-up. And that may seem like a ridiculous statement to those who have been cheated on, but it is true. The reality is that those who choose to cheat or be involved emotionally with someone else while in a relationship have many issues/needs/secrets that they have not been honest with you about, and they are selfish. And those things lead inevitably to dissatisfaction and eventually a broken relationship.
And the kicker? There is nothing you can do about that! Now, you were not cheated on, but some of the same principles apply. She was obviously not so invested in the relationship that she wasn't noticing someone else. I assume she is close to your age, though, so it is understandable.
I would look at it this way. At least she was kind enough to break up with you first, as opposed to just cheating on you. If anything, that was a good way for her to handle things.
Also, you will realize that she ultimately did you a favor. Believe me. That fact is she didn't want to be with you, so its not like you were going to have a happy life together. She freed you to find the right person!
Take yourself out of harm's way, and don't torture yourself by knowingly being around her or them. And, as hard as it is, don't waste any of your time asking mutual friends about them. This is a life lesson that will benefit you for the rest of your dating life. Seriously.
I wish many times I had chosen to just let things go rather than torturing myself and bugging friends. I stopped many years ago, and it has been much smoother sailing since.
Hope everything works out for you! Give us an update sometime soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): We don't all do things at the same speed so don't try to find someone quickly unless you really want to. It can be better to heal properly before starting with someone else.
I agree with chigirl; avoid the ex. Concentrate on the good things in your life and if you can, introduce something - not necessarily someone - new so that you have something new to think about instead of her.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Avoid the ex.
And remember that dating isn't so serious, it's just getting to know someone new, and a good way to forget about the ex. I'm sure she's hurting, but trying to hide it from the world. Moving on fast doesn't say anything about how deeply you cared for the other person either... it's just that people recover from a hearache in different ways.
It hurts a lot to see your ex move on. It can take many years to be completely ok with it even. So, avoid the ex. The less you see and know of her, the better.
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