A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone (or do you know anyone) that has been in a relationship with someone whom is married/living with a partner and that person has actually left their partner to be with you? If so, did the relationship work out or did you constantly doubt if they would have an affair and do the same thing with someone else?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): There are many more problems in store for you, far beyond just wondering if he'll cheat on you too. Things like shame and guilt for breaking up a family. Dealing with children who justifiably hate you, along with an ex who will eterally hate you. If she wants to save her marriage, she'll loom large in your new life and will never relent from trying to destroy your relationship. She'll never pass up a chance to devalue you in some way. You'll have a hard time looking yourself in the mirror if his family is devastated by his leaving. He'll resent you for any damage done to his children and he'll always be vulnerable to their mothers manipulations and guilt trips. All of which, you can do absolutely nothing about. It doesn't get better with time. It simply becomes more humiliating and awkward for you. Trust me, it's not a pleasant future for you if you chose to go along with this. I know very well the misery this type of situation brings. being in those shoes you're thinking of filling. Don't do it! It's not worth it, no matter how much you think you love eachother. No one will be happy for you, no one important anyway. Be warned and Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): Yes, he left his live-in girlfriend and daughter for my best friend (though she did not know about the live-in girlfriend until he left his family for her). My best friend ended up marrying him, and she never doubted him. Unfortunately after 8 years of marriage she discovered that he had not only cheated on her throughout the whole relationship, he also took out loans in her name and forged her signature and almost bankrupted her completely. Unfortunately she realised that he was simply deceiptful and untrustworthy, and she learnt it the hard way. For the minority it works out for them, but from what I have seen in life, for the most part it does not work out. I just thought that hearing what happened will give you some help in some small way. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): My sister and her current husband started their relationship as affair partners while both were married to their ex's. I don't know about him but I can say that for her this second marriage is much better than her first. Her ex husband was abusive to her and their kids. Even her kids seem happier and better adjusted now than when she was married to their biological dad.
My friend's mom and stepdad also started their relationship as affair partners or so we believe. They were in each others lives for over 20 years but waited til the kids (my friend and her sister and his kids) were grown before they divorced their spouses to be together. They have now been together about 10 years so far.
It just depends on the people involved. Not all marriages are good and yet people stay in them for financial or societal reasons and in the meantime meet their true love who may also be in a similar situation.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 December 2012):
 I was in an OPEN marriage there was no affair but my marriage ended and he went with his partner and I am now married to the man I was involved with when married to my ex.
will it work? I hope so.
I know of one woman who it's worked for but for the most part if your in a relationship with a taken person for more than 3e-6 months and they don't end the relationship, then it's highly unlikely they will end it to be with the person they cheat on their partner with.
The only thing that might happen is the cheater might get caught and thrown out and then the person they were cheating with would have a chance to snatch them up, always wondering if they might cheat on them too later on... and knowing they are second choice.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 December 2012):
 Hi
I know of two couples, both still together with said partner,they live in fear of one or other leaving but say the mess they created (kids involved) by the splits they have to stay together to justify it.
They are definately the exception though, normally people don't leave the home and wife/husband.
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