A
female
age
30-35,
*eliriousOne
writes:Hello everyone, for the past year I have been in a discreet relationship with a divorced father. We are serious about each other and have decided that it is time to be open about our relationship. I have never met his children, but based on how fondly he speaks of them, I know they are his pride and joy, and his number one priority. I am excited to get to know them and be part of their lives, but there is just one thing... I have absolutely no idea on how to go about possibly being a step mother.My questions are, what is my role? Would it be appropriate to attend their school events/games? How can I make all four of them feel comfortable without them thinking that I am trying to replace their mother? Should I form a relationship with her as well? I am pretty much clueless! Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 February 2013):
 Well then my best advice would be to just take it slowly and see how things go. Your role in their lives will slowly develop and evolve. They have a mother so you won't have to assume that role, and quite honestly you should be very grateful for that. Becoming a close friend will be its own reward I think.
A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (18 February 2013):
 From my point of view i have a step mother from different circumstances, i would NOT try to be a step mother in the sense of being a mother.
youngsters might be more acceptable than 15 -16 year olds because they understand more.
It is difficult to define a step mother i'd just be yourself and if they ask for advice provide your advice that you'd give to someone don't try too hard because they'll pick up on it and feel you're trying too hard and they may dislike it.
Hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, DeliriousOne +, writes (18 February 2013):
DeliriousOne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, the divorce was amicable in a sense where he and his ex wife get along for the sake of their kids. It was not one of those messy, bitter divorces, but they did have their differences. What married couple doesn't?
Thank you :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 February 2013):
Was the divorce an amicable one? That will help determine the children's mind set on accepting Daddy's new girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, DeliriousOne +, writes (18 February 2013):
DeliriousOne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs requested, I will elaborate a bit more. He is 49 and has been divorced for 2 years. The kids are 16, 15, 13 and 10. They have a close relationship with both parents and from what I know, the youngest absolutely adores her father.
Thanks everyone :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 February 2013):
Yep the little tree is right, too many questions need to be asked and answered before you will get any really useful advise. Please elaborate on your situation.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (18 February 2013):
 There are alot of factors involved. We can't tell you exactly what to do to become a good step mother.
How old is he? How old are the children? How long has he been divorced? Do the children still see their mother?
I think if the children are old enough to understand, then aslong as they know that you love their dad, and that you will try your best to help them as best you can, that you will always make sure they are safe and cared for, then that's all you need to do.
Spending time together as a family would be best. Go out to the park/cinema/fairground/swimming pool. Get involved with them, show then that you are fun and adventurous. Answer any appropriate questions they may have about you. It'll take time, but as long as you show the children that you are a trustworthy role model then they should be fine having you around. Be prepared for one or more to potentially sulk, but be patient with them, they will come around.
I wouldn't suggest forming a relationship with the mother, that would be weird.
I wish you all the best, and i'm sure the children will love you if you just be yourself.
Good luck :)
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