A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am separated with 2 small children and just started dating a man for the last 5 months. We had very romantic dates and passionate sex every Sat. night...until he announced that he wanted to have dinner with an ex-girlfriend who just came back into town after being away for 2 years. So he broke up with me. I told him I wouldn't wait around and I didn't as I met some one else who I am getting to know. However now guy #1 wants me back. He went on the date with the ex and knew immediately that the spark was gone. He has appologized many times and we have seen each other 2 times now since. He says he is falling in love with me and I feel the same about him. The problem is that now I am getting to know another man and am involved with him sexually. Guy #1 has never had children but is interested in the prospect of an instant family (he is too old to start from scratch). He is very kind and fun to be with but he is not as worldly and his interests are more simple. Guy #2 has already raised 3 kids, but he is more interesting, and we have a more similar outlook on life and we have both traveled a lot; but he also has a lot of baggage left over from his divorce and I can't see him wanting to start over again and help raise 2 small children. I also don't know Guy #2 as well so his personality is still coming out. He is more direct and forthcoming with his ideas. Both guys have been divorced 9 years. Both guys are solidly employed. Both men are about the same age which is a few years older than myself. Which guy should I choose?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): Good luck babe. I am in the same position. My younger boyfriend of 3 years he being 32 me 39(with 2 kids) never seemed a responsible choice. But so so attractive! The man I started seeing is 46, lovely on the inside, loves my kids etc etc. More responsible etc. But I cant get my ex out of my head. He has given me time to choose! I cant..I dont know why I cant say I want you back...whilst the new guy is in my life for different reasons...more stable, good with kids, etc. I think about my ex every second. But it seems the universe has different plans. Or perhaps, I know deep dowm inside it would never have worked..I will either regret my decision, or feel I made the right one. As u I am lost. I hope you find the "choice". Like me, perhaps it will fall out of the sky and I will wake up with an immediate answer. Love is never easy they say.Either is walking away and having to live with a decision made! Goodluck.
A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (20 August 2008):
 I like both Lexlou's and Smiles answers but do you need to make a decision just now? It seems like you might not know guy 2 as well yet, can you buy some more time? The one thing you said about guy 2 is that he will have baggage from his divorce and also his position with your small kids. But with guy 1 it seems that he isn't convinced that you're the one for him as he broke up with you to "have a date with an ex."
Another question that can be added to Smiles already wonderful list (and I am keeping this list handy) is "how does the guy treat you?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you; you must be going through terrible emotional turmoil;
To have to choose; to decide which one; both have certain qualities you value;
HOWEVER,
for you to get clarity between the two guys;
I suggest you do the COMPATIBILITY test;
It is important that you make the right choice and be really fulfilled in the relationship rather then just be comfortable in the relationship;
In a relationship, love is not enough; it needs compatibility and commitment;
Here are some headings for a compatibility checklist; you can add on or adjust it to suit your needs. The more details; the more effective your checklist.
1. Physical style
Appearance
Addictions
Personal Hygiene
2. Emotional Style
Attitude towards romance
How he treats you
Expressing his feelings
3. Social Style
Personality traits
4. Intellectual style
Education
Attitude towards affairs
5. Sexual Style
Skill
Ability to enjoy
6. Communication style
Forms of expression
Attitude towards communication
7. Professional/Financial style
Attitude towards success
Attitude towards money
8. Personal Growth style
Willingness to work on relationship
Attitude towards self improvement
9. Spiritual style
Spiritual Practices
Moral views
10. Interest and Hobbies.
PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE FOLLOWING: (these are often fatal issues in a relationship)
Large age difference; different religious background; different social or ethnic background; toxic in laws; toxic ex-spouse; toxic stepchildren
Oh, these four questions might help you;
BUT
please do take your time and think carefully before answering them.
1. Would I want to have a child with this person?
2. Would I want a child just like this person?
3. Do I want to become more like this person?
4. Would I be willing to spend my life with this person?
If you answered yes, to all 4 questions you are probably compatible with one another; you answered no to any, ask yourself why.
SEXUAL CHEMISTRY needs to exist to distinguish the relationship from a friendship; until you commit to one person, you won’t be able to truly experience a healthy love with either of them.
Please keep us updated.
You are welcome to private message me if I can be of any assistance.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Which one makes your tummy do somersaults when they ring, text or turn up to see you. Which one can you imagine spending the rest of your life with??
If its both then stop seeing them for a while and see which one you truly miss the most x
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