A
male
age
36-40,
*hrinkingHeart
writes:Hello there.My question is ultimately how do you get over your ex? I have read so many answers to this question but all fail for me, I've believed time is the best healier, kept myself very busy, exercised, didnt resort to drugs or booze like I use to in the past. But it has been 2 years now.We had been together 4 years and met when she was 17 and I 18, we was each others first in all respects which I know romantises it in my head. During those 4 years we went a lot for a couple nevermind a young couple, I had been seriously ill through 3 of those years and towards the end of my illness it was her who saved my life (I had to have an emergancy op, if she hasn't been there to get me in hospital before I died.. well I wouldnt be here now), she quit her job to look after me, we spent 24/7 together, even having to help me go bath room. It wasn't all gloom though, we would spend most of the hours talking and being together, we where like soul mates.When I did get better, I was so mentally messed up from the ordeal that I was a very bitter person, very angry with everything I felt that the world had let me down I was a young healthy male and now I was left with this skinny body that couldnt do anything, she got the worst of it. Now I love life and I'm phsyically healthier than I was before getting ill as I'm no obessed with health, but I'm still upset it took me this much to knew how speical of a women she is.I've always suffered extream mood problems and she use to dismiss them and say "You're just very passionate, thats what I love about you" but it was an extream low that lead to me splitting up with her, I never stopped loving her, I never stopped wanting, I just couldn't control my moods. When I had came back from a low (5-6 weeks on) It had been to late, you can't understand .. well I can't understand what people are honestly thinking how hard they truely do find coping with moods are.1 year on from me and her splitting I decided to go to the doctors as my mood swings nearly lost my job (not volient, just happy or sad) and lead on to me being digonised with Bi Polar, now another year has passed trying control this horrible diease and I'm no where near getting over her. I'm fearfull to sleep as I dream about her and wake up broken hearted.We haven't spoke for over a year now and it was my choice, she has moved on and I can't blame her at all and i'm not bitter about that, I hear the guy is a very decent man and I'm happy for her, I can't say I want to get her back but would be totally lying to myself if I said I didn't think about it.I just want to be over her, I don't want to win her back or mess any more of her life up. I wan't this for me as selfishly as that sounds. I feel that these past 2 years of heart break is karma for putting her through knowing the bad side of me. I've got my dream job now but ironically enough it took me to where we had always dreamed of living together so that doesnt help and when I say ironically i mean I picked a random job went and found out it was where we always wanted to live (just more concidences I hold onto stupidly)This question is turning into a very depressing life story, I'm feeling very low about it right now and in general have tried not to think about it and work very hard, sometimes putting in 70 hours a week but I can't maintain this way of being, I'm growing to impatient. I would just love to settle down and not compare weather subconsiouly or coniously every girl i meet to her.I wan't the wife, kids, maybe a dog, lovely house... but this huge issue of moving on is stopping that and I've exhusted the healthy path.Anybody else in my boat? I think writing this has left me admitting a lot to myself.Any responce would be greatly welcome.Thank you for your time
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Putting her aside, it seems like you have gone through several traumatic events in a short space of time in your young life. Serious physical illness often leads to or exacebates any mental health problem (Bi polar for you)and I think this could be the case. You are focussing all your upset upon this girl from your past because in all of that horrible stuff, she was there for you, she cared about you but inevitably you lost her.
Your heart now yearns for that loving support that you enjoyed when things were really bad. You have moved on with your life in a physical sense but not emotionally. Men tend to bury their emotions way way down and often those emotions erupt much later to cause confusion.
I know you accept that girl has gone, it's the residual feelings you need to deal with now and you may perhaps need someone to sit down with you and just let you vent so your mind can deal with everything.
After venting you need to rationalise the events and see where they have lead you to...and then you need to start working on a plan for the future.
I think thats why all the usual 'Get over the breakup' stuff hasnt worked for you...past events are much deeper inside you and you need to release them and rationalise before you move on.
Hope this helped
Aunty Em xxx
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