A
female
age
41-50,
*utterflie
writes:I'm 29. I was with this guy "Justin" for almost 5 years. I am still in love with him. We remained friends. Mainly via internet and phone..After 2 years of being broken up. I only seen him twice. Once helping me move, another time hanging out with our kids (no kids together). Until. about 2 months ago, I am over it ! Tired of hanging on to him. I'm done. I write him and tell him, he said he knew I still loved him. And said maybe we shouldn't remain friends. I gave him time, and wrote back a week or so later. He asks to hang out. We did. He came to my house at 5:30pm. Having, innocent fun! First thing we did was his school work. And he while laughing, he said "If we have fun doing this, that means something" .. 4am comes around he leaves, asks for a hug when he leaves (hes not real affectionate). Hug leaves me confused. After hanging out, that night, I hear from him more often. He asks to hang out again, so we do. And same story. Comes over same time, leaves same time, and asks for a hug again.. And one point of the night, asks for me to sit on his lap, I dont, cuz I dont know if he was serious.. So we talk about hanging out again, for this past Saturday, but he had plans up in the air with a friend. So said he would let me know. Saturday afternoon comes, he texts me and says, "maybe we can do it tomorrow, okay ? I will let you know", so I text him asking about hanging with his friend. All he says again is " I will let you know about tomorrow". Well, "tomorrow" was yesterday, and still no word from him. HELP. I am confused. I was thinking that maybe it was starting to go somewhere again, Now that you know the situation. Was I wrong.. ?? Any advice?PS. eventho I have dated guys throughout the 2 years. We both remained single.
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male
reader, Bupe  +, writes (17 March 2010):
My initial thought is that you should give this man a chance. But as I got to the end my answer became your knowledge of his behaviour in the past is key. In the past has he been one to make the first move? If not then this is following trend and he needs gentle encouragement from you to keep things going. If you're willing to do this then its down to you to get your man because from what you described he does have feelings for you. If in the past he has been perhaps the instigator or things have been balanced between you, then his recent effort would suggest to me that you must be weary but don't be too disheartened. He may be uncertain and time will allow him to decide. (Hopefully be more serious with you). All that aside I would also say that you musn't allow this to lead you to make any immediate decisions. Don't let the last few days dictate what you feel/want to be happening in the near future. If you become too worried about this, when you speak again it will rub off on him and not knowingly will negatively affect what could have been. Take the next few days as they come; if he doesn't get in contact, a 'hello' from you shouldn't do any harm and try to remain level headed. I'm sure all will end well. I wish you the best of luck in this confusing situation.
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