A
female
age
36-40,
*09a
writes:hi, i am truly hurting right now. i have been with my ex off and on for the past 5yrs. well next month would have made it 5 yrs since we're dating. but i found out that he has been doin stuff behind my back so i ended our relationship.well when i met him (my ex), i was in love with another guy who lead me on. he made me think that he to loved me only to find out that he didnt. well i was so heart broken. but the thing is wen i decided to get in a relationship with my ex (april 2005), i was truly in love with the other guy. my ex thought that i wasnt serious about the relationship (which i truly wasnt). so one day, this idiot cheated on me. this was like a month after we got together (may 2005). well i didnt find out about this until i got a call from this stupid girl and i heard she and him arguing in the background. only to find out the girl he cheated on me with had a baby and was sayin that the child is his. well she wasnt involved with 2-3 other guys the same time she got pregnant. so he didnt think he wasnt the father. to make things worse, he was told by a doctor that he cannot have any children. well i was told so by his mother as well. she didnt believe that the child was his.well i couldnt handle this girl only calling him an i just couldnt accept the fact that he could be the possible father for this child. so i told him, wen he do the test and if the child turns out to be his, i would leave him. but i thought the child really wasnt his own since the time frame he told me that they had sex was like totally not matching the due date of the child. when it was her 1st b.dy, he went the party. well around her 2nd b.dy, (when were dating for approx 3yrs. and i didnt get pregnant, so i thought the doctor's report was true) i asked him if he was goin as we can see clearly that he really cant have kids and she could really not be his, well he lied and told me no. only to find out last week monday, the 8th, he went as i saw pics of him taking out pictures with her cutting the cake. i was so heart broken that he lied. to make it worse the mother decided to bring a lil cake and icecream by him and he never told me anything.and only to find out that last yr, the mother had keep a lil birthday party by him. i was so devastated. i mean seein him all smiles with this little girl that he is tellin me that he doesnt think is his child. so he was basically pretending that he doesnt believe the child was his. i aslo found out that he helped her mother pay for school fees from january and he went directly to the school to pay the school.he took her to the mall and he used to visit her without letting me know. well apart from this whole situation with this child, we have a great relationship. but come to think of it, how can it be a good relationship with lies.i know i told him that he should be a part of her life but it will hurt me since she was born while we were togeth, but he should have let me know everything. he hid from me cause i threatened to leave him. sad thing is i got pregnant for him. an we have a beautiful son together who he extremely adores.i dont know if i should try to mend things causeam really hurt that he did those things behind my back.View related questions: cheated on me, my ex
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female
reader, z09a +, writes (18 March 2010):
z09a is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really do love him but its just so hurtful to know that he lied all this time. an hid things from me. but mainly about goin an spend time with the child an supporting financially. he loves the little girl dearly and would like to be a part of her life as he admitted to me today but it jus kills me to know that i never wanted to have a family like this. with my bf or future husband havin an outside child. that is wat is killing me.
he's there for our son, loves him more dan ever. an the things that he does for me, shows he loves me. he would go out off his way to get things that i want an even he would remain without to see i get wat i want. he thought by hiding he was protecting me, well so he say. everyday since las week monday he's beggin me to stay with him. but i jus try 2 'brush' that off by tellin him all sorts of hurtful things.
this is jus so hard for me to deal with. thanks for the advice.
A
female
reader, blueclearsoul  +, writes (17 March 2010):
The first thing is: ask yourself if u really love him, and if he really loves you.
If he is hidding things from you is probably he will do it in the future, so dont expect him to change. But if u decide to stay with him be sure u forgive him, because if u still feel betrayed the relashionship would be a problem. so talk with him and see if u can forgive him.
Be sure you are going to be with him because you love him and not only for the child. Of course he has to be responsible with the baby and be the father, but not only for that reason u will have to be with him.
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