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male
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anonymous
writes: Whats the best way to heal after a breakup, and realise that It was not your fault and to move on with life. and not hurt as much.Is there a process? i know everyone is different and their reaction is different, however i just want to lock up this pain and throw it away and forget it ever happened!I've gone through the shock, the questioning, and im now in the anger phase, I just want it to be over.Advice please?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2006): I'm sorry you are in pain. Obviously we don't know whether a wife or a girlfiend hurt you but the healing process is the same.You can't lock away the pain because if you do it will come out at some other time. Feel it now. At some point in the future you will be less hurt, you will cope better and you will heal. Talk to someone, a counsellor is best because they help you through the anger and acceptance phases. It is hard to believe but one day your pain will ease, not because you have locked it away but because you have experienced it and found a way to move on. good luck, be kind to yourself, take one day at a time.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 I'd say you're doing well without much outside help! You've recognised that there are stages to recovery and you're progressing through them, so unless you broke up ten years ago(!), then you're doing as well as you can.
I don't think there's a "process" you can undertake, in the way that you can iron a shirt, or cook an egg. And, unfortunately, the outrage and anger won't go away before they've been felt.
So, do your best to feel the emotions, while you recognise that very few relationships last, and so this is totally normal. When you've let anger out (constructively, if possible), it will start to dissipate. Do as much as you can that's physical -- it helps. Cycle to work, chop wood for your grandma, swim in the ocean... all these things are good constructive outlets for your frustration.
Try to keep busy, even doing things you wouldn't normally do. Accept invitations for after-work socialisation. Go to parties for people that you don't care much about. Take up parasailing or beekeeping or playing the bagpipes, so you have something new to focus on.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're doing all right as you are, and you're very self-aware, so you'll be OK soon.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Ainley +, writes (24 May 2006):
 let it out! it really helps, take up writing i found it helped get all the q's and anger out without sounding like a looney in front of anyone, go out with the mates ahve bit of retail therapy like a makeover it'll give you boost of confidence you didnt realise you had so save ya money! also dont forget to let your hair down on the dance floor that helps in the sence when a loud or woman empowering song comes on you can let it all out physically or singing trust me all the other girls will be doing it. sounds bit mad but its really important to let your body or voice express what your emotional self is feeling because it'll eat you inside and burn deeply. before you know it you'll be kissing and cuddling your new beau and wondering what was his name?
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