A
male
age
30-35,
*nk
writes:Hi cupidHow do you get over a crush and what is the best way to do so? Can you stay friends or no contact is the rule!Staying friends doesn't mean there is hope of you being with that person any soon!So what do you guys think about it ?Please advice as I am having a tough time getting over a crush especially when I actually liked her after knowing her over few months of dating !
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): Being friends with a crush can be good sometimes, but in your case, I agree with WiseOwlE. she's so disinterested in being your gf. maybe when you move on )which you will) you could start being friendly with her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2014): Settling for "friendship" is usually just a desperate attempt to hold onto to a person who has rejected or broken-up with you. It's a bit pathetic.
It's an excuse to maintain free-access to that person's life without pissing them off; or feeling completely shutout.
It's tantamount to demoting yourself to being a fan and admirer; while they go about their lives, and have others. Totally oblivious or concerned about your true feelings toward them.
Alcoholics don't keep liquor around the house to remind them of their weakness and taste for it. Why should you keep a person around as a friend, that reminds you how much you desire her? Even worse, how totally uninterested she is in being your girlfriend.
Even if you don't have an obsessive-personality, you will develop an obsessive-infatuation by pretending to be friends. All the while pining for her. Dangling a carrot in-front of your nose. Constantly tempting yourself, and yearning for her.
Don't hold yourself emotional-hostage to your infatuation. Put distance between you, and completely eradicate any means of contact. Pretend she left the planet. Your mind needs the rest. You need no tangible or visible evidence of her existence.
Out of sight, out of mind.
You must disconnect all links through social media; so you will not be tempted to stalk Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Delete her number from your smartphone. Get rid of her pictures, and any mementos that remind you of any activities you've shared. Clean house, to clear mind and heart. Stay away from places you'll see her; and don't ask mutual friends about her. Ask them not to mention her.
Your mind needs time to detach. All the brain-chemicals that bonded you to her emotionally; need to be starved cold-turkey. It's like withdrawing from an addictive-drug.
Distract your thoughts with something else you like when she comes to mind. Spend more time with family and friends to keep your empty moments filled. Get a hobby, go to the gym or join one. Workout until you sweat her out of your system.
Crushes fade with time on their own. However; intense feelings held in vain, is just torture. So you use inner-strength, discipline, and determination. This is necessary in order to free yourself. So you can move on; and enjoy the company and affection of real friends, and future romantic interests. Being a romantic-martyr by clinging on as her friend isn't fair to yourself. It's unmanly. You're not a kid anymore.
Don't drag your baggage around, and call it a friend.
You'll get over her. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 Unless you have an obsessive personality or other issues in which keeping contact with a crush cause you pain, I would advocate for remaining friends, especially if you share mutual friends.
Why? I had a crush on a friend and vice versa and we sort of danced around it for a while but then we went for it. We are now married nearly 20 years.
However, you actually dated her, which takes her out of the category of 'crush' and puts her into the 'ex' category. I'm assuming she ended the dating relationship and said 'let's just stay friends'?
So I think this might perhaps be more a question about getting over a ex. There are lots of posts on here about that.
In this case, I think minimizing contact if you have mutual friends or going no contact if you have no mutual friends would be the best way to go.
Block her on FB so you can't see her posts and remove her from other social media.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2014):
 No contact would be the top priority. If you try and stay friends I don't think you can "get over" the crush anytime soon. Because she is there as a CONSTANT reminder of WHO you want to BE with, but WHO you CAN'T be with.
Avoid being around her (if you can).
Focus on other things then HER/HIM - which means start going to the gym, sign up for a class, go out with friend, hang out with family.
ACCEPT that she doesn't FEEL the same way about you. It happens.
And let her down of the pedestal you installed her on. SET her free too.
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (12 March 2014):
Hey, well it depends how long its gone on for and how it ended but essentially if she isn't in your social circle I would keep your distance for 3 months, if she is in your social circle I would keep contact brief but again try and be distant without being rude. I am a believer that it takes 6 months to fully get over someone. In this time spend more time with friends or go out on the dating scene and meet lots of other women who like you. Hope it all works out. J
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