| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Sorry for the rather graphic sex details but I just don't know what to do.Recently started dating for the first time and have started being intimate together these past couple months (also a first). Technically we've "had sex" but it's mostly just fooling around because I haven't been able to withstand penetrative sex, it's too painful. So we've mainly just used our hands, which I'm totally fine with. But I should mention even though I've become comfortable around him, some of my insecurities about sex/nudity are still there. Like I still get nervous about being fully nude around someone and thus kinda keep my eyes closed as much as possible and make sure the lights are kept off. The few times he's turned on the lights, I get really bashful and hide my face with the sheet or a pillow. And with this, I'm also nervous about like just seeing someone's genitals because I've always believed that to be a very private thing and avert my eyes, so I've never actually taken a good look at his and never felt a need to, but I think it ties in with my problem. My main issue though is with oral sex. I've never liked the idea of giving or receiving it. And the first few times he seemed to be about to go down on me I resisted and told him not to because I didn't think it was fair for him to do it if I knew I wasn't going to be able to willingly reciprocate it. But even after starting this to him, he still genuinely seems to want to and has done it about 4 or 5 times now. I never ask him to do it as his hands work perfectly well for me (and actually gets me off way more than with his tongue) but he chooses to do it and I've just stopped telling him not to.But he's begun asking me to try it on him even though I said I'm uncomfortable with it. Like I get ridiculously nervous even thinking about going through with it, because if I have a hard time even looking at a penis, how can I expect to put my mouth on it? Every time we're together he'll ask me to just try a little thing here or there (like light kissing or licking, not full on blowjob) but I can't get the guts to do it and every time I refuse, he'll just leave it be and we'll continue the way we normally do. I feel so guilty about it, especially because he puts in so much effort to please me. I want to please him to, and I really try with hand jobs but I know I'm not very good at it. I'm afraid this will be the one thing that ruins an otherwise great relationship. And I even voiced this to him and he just said we'd work on it, but he pointed out that part of the relationship involves our sexual compatibility which I know is a big deal. But aside from that we have a fun time together in bed and neither of us have wanted to stop. He always initiates it.How do you become comfortable with giving oral sex? Is it as bad as my brain is making it out to be? (I just don't like bodily fluids near my mouth and I'm worried if I'm totally grossed out after trying, that I'll offend him and he'll really leave me)Any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (3 August 2018):
When you're ready, it will happen. If not, not. You may react differently to another guy.
My wife of 12 years has no problem with oral sex, and enjoys performing it very much but I left the decision as to if and when entirely to her. Admittedly it did happen rather quickly and without prompting from me- she simply reciprocated my own actions on her without suggestion or protest.
Afterwards she confessed somewhat shamefacedly that she'd thrown up in the lap of her previous boyfriend and did not attempt it with him again, but for some reason he never asked.
I pretended sympathy for the poor fellow's plight, and managed to keep a straight face. (the story still delights me)
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 August 2018):
 Flavoured lube and condoms. Aside from that, only try oral when you're ready. If you're not ready, it won't go well. If you are ready, it will just happen. Someday, when you're having sex with someone, it may just feel right (for you) to try it. You should be using condoms 24/7 (and birth control) anyway.
Do NOT force yourself to try it. If you are ever ready to, you'll know. Right now, you want to because you feel you should, but aren't ready.
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