A
male
age
41-50,
*eadEyeDick
writes:How do you come to grips with regret and guilt? say you had the love of your life, and you knew it, but you were either immature, ignorant, or just not wired to be a good partner at the time, and after being with many other people, trying out many different scenarios, every time it just becomes more clear, to you how good that person was, and how much you fucked off, how do you forgive yourself for something you can do absolutely nothing about, have no chance of ever having again, but yet your mind doesn't except that? it keeps drilling you, and harassing you, and beating on you, is there anyway to forgive yourself for fucking up the best thing that will ever happen to you in your life, and becoming okay with it, in hopes of finding the second best?
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male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (30 January 2011):
DeadEyeDick is verified as being by the original poster of the question I appreciate all your help, and insight, I really do, I was with this girl for 10 years and have a daughter with her, I am the poster boy for pure guy! I was raised by a single mom, so I do kind of understand women,(lol) you know what I mean, but I didn't understand things like why she would keep a scrapbook of our movie stubs, concert stubs, pictures of just us, I didn't automatically think when I would go in to get a drink, maybe I should get her one to, honestly not because I'm trying to be an ignorant asshole, I just by nature didn't think that way, this is all stuff that has came up to bite me in the ass, it's all stuff Ive picked up on, and constantly I am working on stuff like this, just simple stuff, like not being selfish, thinking of someone before myself, well she resent me for a lot of stuff I did when we first got together, I don't feel it's fair, but what is? she has no interest in having anything to do with me, she likes someone else, I cant understand how you could be so in love with someone, then just totally ignore their existence, I don't care, I just want to not pick myself apart, for all the mistakes I clearly made, and BTW will never make again, problem is, I never felt infatuated with anybody before I met her, I mean I was sick and unable to work, I was literally love sick, and I haven't felt that for anyone else in my whole life, maybe there's something wrong with me, but it scares me, because in my mind, that tells me that she is the one, I don't want to sit and bitch or cry, I just gotta know there's a light at the end of this tunnel, because I am over her as far as the horrid feelings living after the breakup, I can see her, and talk to her, and im alright, I just cant shake the guilt and the mistakes I made, anyways thanks, im sure it'll be fine, I just wanted a little insight, thanks.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Do not waste another second of your time here dwelling in self pity. Run to her and prove your love for her before it's to late!
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (25 January 2011):
 If you love this ex so much, why can't u try to get back together.. Making mistakes made u a better person.. Believe me, u regreat now, but it was something u need to do, explore, whatever reasons u had.. I am sure if u were w/this person, now u would have been wondering about how if feels to be w/somebody new?
We're only humans, we make mistakes, we're curious, always wonder, sometimes we get weak.. I don't think u should be blaming urself.. Torturing, its past done & its a lesson.
You are a very young man, still have lots of time to find love.. Although u made mistakes, ur guilt shows integrity & character.
Concentrate in ur future, career & the right person will come along. U have to love urself, respect urself to find someone that will love, respect u..
Go exercise, relax, have drinks, be happy & when u least expect someone special will come along...
Don't waste time regreating, anger, bitterness, life is too short..
Best wishes & good luck!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Let bygones be bygones and truck forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Past relationships can have an allure that makes you feel maybe you didn't give that person a chance. But the thing is when you were with him, something within you reacted badly. OK that was you then, but there is nothing to say that if you met again it would work out. The past really does play tricks on you sometimes. Are you just looking back because, for now, you cannot find someone right for you. I think that may be it. If you met a lovely guy tomorrow this past love would fade back into the past. So forget guilt (I'm sure he's moved on) and regret gets you nowhere and focus on now and tomorrow.
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