A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you tell a long time friend that your friendship is over? Lets say for instance that if you tell this friend they might hurt themselves or hurt you or do something else. I need help I don't have the courage. I am afraid! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (13 January 2010):
 I totally see where you are coming from and I think the fact that he is setting you boundaries which should NEVER come into a friendship and even if it happens in a relationship, it then becomes a very one sided relationship.
Friendship should be similar to a relationship in as much as it should be about compromise and having a 50/50 balance.
If it doesn't then yes you need to address the problem.
I think it would be useful for you to have a certain level of assertiveness training/counselling maybe as I think unless you do you are always going to feel controlled and there are a lot of people who like to do this.
I was in a relationship that everybody viewed externally as me being the one who called all the shots as I was much more vocal and friendly on the outside but for many years it was my now ex who always called the shots and at the time I was very much the submissive partner.
It wasn't until I had my child that I became a different person and stood up to my now ex (must admit I get on well with him now). I realised that I was no longer going to tolerate the level of control that I had been living with for years.
I think you need to be straight with your friend and tell him that unless he stops the controlling behaviour then you will NO longer be able to hang around with him as it has become a problem for you and you don't want to continue living your life like this.
He needs to widen his circle of friend's and maybe even join a club of some sort whether that is for hobby purposes or dating maybe. He could even join an online dating agency looking just for friendship as I know there are many sites like that whereby people are already in relationships but need to widen their circle of friend's.
It also sounds like he is extremely lonely as well and the fact that he always wants to know what you do when you are with a woman as well, either he is jealous of that maybe on a homosexual level or he is still a virgin and is scared about how to approach the whole other sex side of things so keeping himself as a loner proves unfruitful to him and maybe hearing about your activities gives him some sort of thrill etc. Someone not doing it themselves but trying to learn the ropes so to speak.
Just a thought at the end of the day but the fire in your belly has to come from you and only YOU can do that for yourself. Think about the training/counselling though as that can help you through life as a whole and even help you in work situations or socialising.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, old-spinstah +, writes (11 January 2010):
I agree with country woman that more information would be useful.
Is this a romantic relationship you wish to sever (mutual or not) or just a friend that you want to cut out of your life?
Why do you feel that you need to stop being their friend?
These factors would certainly affect the way I might handle a similar situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I have been friends with this guy for over 8 yrs. In the beginning things were cool we hung out a lot and had a good time. Over time he has produced this power over me that I can't stand up too. He has set rules to our friendship about who I hang out with and how I should have to tell him everything I do with a girl. He and I got into it once and he said that he almost committed suicide because he thought our friendship was over. He has no other close friends and I feel like I am in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (11 January 2010):
You have not given us much information to go on regarding WHY you want to end this friendship?
How long have you known this person and are they male or female out of interest?
If you are saying their state of mind is something that really worries you i.e. that they could harm themselves seriously because you no longer want to be their friend then give us a little bit more to work on eh!
You are obviously being courageous in the first place to have finally arrived at this decision to end this friendship so maybe you just need to work things out before you make this final split as such.
Has this friend hurt you in any way, i.e. emotionally or physically?
Let us know some details and I am sure that you will get the responses you require.
BFN
Country Woman
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