A
male
age
36-40,
*olidus
writes:I'm 25 and I've been dating this girl who is 22 for about 2 months now and everything has been fine. However, recently she brought her five year old daughter to live with her which changes the dynamic of our relationship considerably. I stayed at her place last night and we had amazing sex. Then the next morning I decided to hang out for a little while before leaving so I could spend some time getting to know what sort of kid her daughter was. I have decided she is equal parts adorable and rude. During my time there she rolled up a blanket super tight then threw it in my face, hard. Repeatedly hit me with a teddy bear, told me to shut up, and then while her mother was resting her head on my shoulder climbed on her and said "She likes me more than you" Then later asks me to play with her and pick her up? Now, I've never dated a girl with kids before so this is all new territory for me. I prefer my children to be polite to their elders and well behaved. I've dated women with obnoxious parents before, that I can deal with, but how do you deal with a seemingly spoiled/rude child? It would suck if I had to break up with this girl cuz her child was rude and annoying. Especially considering shes really sweet and digs me a lot. I don't think I'm overreacting. Her room mates 2 daughters were also there ages 6 and 7 and they were sweet and kind and not once did they tell me to shut up or assault me. Why couldn't her daughter be more like them? So, what do you guys think?
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male
reader, Solidus +, writes (10 January 2010):
Solidus is verified as being by the original poster of the question My girlfriend came over last night and I brought up her daughter I was extremely careful with my words careful not to offend a mother's child. I know how protective they can be.
Anyway, I asked her if her daughter liked me and she said Yes. So then i asked, Does she hit everyone with teddy bears or just me? And she responded that she just plays a little rough. At which point I asked how do you know she likes me? At which she told me she said "I like him, he picks me up."
So, I don't know. I didn't bring up my concerns about her telling me and everyone else in the room to shut up. it didn't feel like the right time, should I later? But perhaps in the future I should employ the tactics discussed by Gina and Celia.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 January 2010):
As a mother of 3 kids and the youngest a 5 year old, this behaviour is shocking and unacceptable. But it is not your place to discipline her. You need to tell the mother that you are shocked by the child behaving like this. At age 5, a child should have been socialized in preparation for kindergarten/school and interacting with other people and a measure of discipline so the teacher in class will cope with the child. At age 2 or 3, this type of behaviour is normal but at 5? No. You can employ all the tactics suggested by others but you should also point this out to her mother. I cannot imagine my 5 year old behaving like this to my boyfriend. It would embarass me and I would probably say right there and then "stop that now", not sit there and watch her. The mother needs to discipline this child by setting boundaries. Not for your sake but for this child's future. Nobody likes illmannered children. Disciplining them is for their good not ours.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 Seems she hasn't been raised combined with jealousy.
Her mommy was all hers and now you are getting in between them.
The other two girls have no such problem, you aren't getting between them and their mother.
And it also seems the girl has learned no boundaries. What did her mother do to stop her? Nothing?
The only way to deal with a spoiled child is to give it consistent discipline, by the mother else she will just resent you the intruder for now being the one who tells her what to do.
Time to have a talk with the mother.
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