A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To cut a long story short, I grew up with an abusive single mother (I never knew my dad) and the few extended family members I have always took my mother's side on everything. My siblings are extremely toxic and have done everything possible (even after I got to university, where I am now) to cut me off and make me wholly dependent on the family. Both my mother's parents are dead.I am probably going to cut off contact with my biological family soon; they have done pretty much nothing good for me my entire life. I've been suffering from depression at uni, even though I'm popular and getting great grades, because I feel like it's all a sham and my childhood was utterly ruined. I have no old school friends.I've learned to accept the fact my mother will never be the woman I want her to be, and we can't be close for my own mental health. But it pains me to know that I'll never have a loving pair of parents the way so many other people do. I go to church and that helps with having supportive adults around me, but I feel like they'd be shocked if I told them of my family situation and as I'm 19 and legally an adult I can't exactly ask two people to adopt me as their own.How do I even begin to deal with this? I have to cut off my biological family for my own sake, but I'll never have an even half stable family. As independent and strong as I am, it feels awful not having anyone that close to turn to.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): Hi I've had a similar situation. I never knew my father growing up. My mom was diagnosed bipolar and she never took her medication. She let a lot of bad people influence her life. They used and abused her. Eventually she got on drugs and abandoned her family leaving me with my older brother when I was 16. No one in our family helped us, grand parents, aunts, uncles etc.We wound up cutting everyone off. I got a job and we both moved into an apartment together to get out of the emotionally abusive environment. My answer was find/make a new family. My friends are my new family, they've helped me with a lot up to this point. I confide in their parents when I feel like I have life issues.All that happened 5 years ago, and I've never looked back. Stay strong you sound like a very resilient person. It does get better. Someday they will realize the error in their ways after you become successful in life and you can look back at them and laugh. Use it as your motivator.
A
female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (17 May 2013):
I had to cut off my biological family two years ago when I was 17. My mother and father were both manipulative and extremely emotionally abusive. All of my school friends were on a different level emotionally to me, and couldn't understand what my family where actually like behind closed doors. They all took the side of my family. I have no biological family, and no school friends to speak of. I do however have a wonderful partner, and have made some great friends at university. Cutting off my family was the best thing I ever did. Those that didn't understand and chose not to stand by me, are not worth having in your life. Yes cutting off your family is scary, and yes being alone is scary, but you also learn to depend on yourself. I dealt with the situation one day at a time. Yes there were days when all I did was cry and feel sorry for myself. Other days I realised that actually I was lucky to get away from my poisonous family. I'm free from all that pain and hate. Luckily I have my partner to talk to when I get down about this stuff, but I actually find writing about how I am feeling in a journal to be most therapeutic. There is also nothing wrong with seeking help from a counselor. Just take each day at a time, and with time it gets so much easier. You are strong, and you can do this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2013): Hi there, this sounds like a very similiar situation, We dont get to choose the people we want in life and I guess its for a good cause, and it is to make us differentiate between the good and bad. To look at those people and say " we dont want to end up like them."
Ive lived with an abusive father and a mother who always lives to defends us from our father. My sisters are rude. Ive lived my whole teenage life with lies, plus having no respect towards my family. Now, I have two daughters , which im tryong my best to be the "opposite" of my families behaviours and issues. Ive lived a unhealthy life with them but after all they are my parents and I will respect them, but I will never be who they were.
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