A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I myself am a really lonely individual, I don't have any girls that are friends guys that are friends, don't have any girlfriends. I think the problem is my personality. Here's what my personality is. I like doing dorky loser things like, star gazing, looking through my telescope, learning physics, computer programming and studying computer science, watching movies, hiking, reading,,ghost hunting lol I know dumb. I have been very happy with my personality thinking life could not get any better till now. I have barley any friends, and I also am sick of being single. No girl wants me, and I think it's cause of my loser personality. I don't like going out to partying, and goofing around, and playing in bands, and just being goofy. however, I'm wanting to change myself. People who are the bad guys, are the ones who have all the friends and are not lonely. They can call a friend up and say, hey! "Wanna chill out tonight" and are hanging out with someone every night. They are also getting all the text messages on there phones of people staying up to date with them. While here is me, who no matter what, even if I go out and try to meet people is always stuck by myself, never getting anyone asking me if they want to chill out tonight, and not getting anyone texting me or calling me, or even wanting to get involved with talking to me. No girls want to be with me either. No matter, how hard a try to be myself no girl wants to bother with me. It's cause of my personality I think. I'm not cool at all.So i'm trying to change my personality to one of these types of people who attract everyone, friends, girlfriends, etc. I want to change myself to being one of those people who party, and who just don't give a damn. I want to be I guess a bad boy or whatever they are called. This website gave me some tips on how to truly change yourself forever. It told me to start off by getting rid of what you want to get rid of. So I started throwing my physics books away, and i'm thinking about giving away or selling my telescope. I gave all my hiking stuff away to a cousin, and I stopped reading, and I don't go star gazing anymore. I also quit computer programming and stopped studying and learning more about computer science.The next step the website said was to start acting with what you want your new personality to be. It's been hard I been trying to find parties to go to, and I started learning how to play the guitar so I could join a band. I also bought a bunch of new music to get into, I was into historical music like old 1800's and classic music, I was also into techno music, but now I'm trying to get into rock and not listening to that other stuff anymore.Am I doing this correctly? I want to completely change myself permanently. I don't want to be that nice loser wimpy dorky guy anymore. I want to be that bad awesome guy who just does not care. And most of all I don't want to be lonely anymore and I want to gain some friends and get a girlfriend, something my old personality can't get me.If you have any other methods that will help me will you tell me? Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hopeFUL_romantic_13  +, writes (25 September 2011):
You should never try to be someone you're not. It's better to be "dorky" or weird and unliked than to be fake and popular. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are.
Continue to do what you love to do and don't worry what other people think. What they don't like to see you do is their own dang business.
Heck I can be pretty dorky myself. People judge me on the spot. I don't let it get to me though. I love doing what seems enjoyable or comfortable to me.
Don't fret. What you need to do is socialize more. Don't be afraid to walk up to someone and start a convoersation with them. If they snub you, they are not worth your time. It just shows you they are not the type of people you want to be around.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 I absolutely applaud you for this. For taking initiative to address your own image. Im sure it was frustrating for you. Just be very sure you want to go full throttle into a new mind. I would try to associate with ppl who you wanna be more like as in personality type as their behavior may influence you. Make good decisions tho as it sounds like you could be at risk of a few things with partying driving booze n bad boy shit. Women can be very attracted to badasses. My other advice.hit.the.gym and build the physique. Ladies love a great body and that will give u confidence. Good luck man.
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A
female
reader, 5hyging3r +, writes (25 September 2011):
 wow just the type of guy i like :p too bad ur too young. Why change your personality you are already very interesting as you are now.. Other girls dont really know how unique and truly smart you are. Surely you will find friends that can truly enjoy your enthusiams of those fun things you you. Just be yourself and dont worry if other people dont approve your interrests just do your best on what you do. Best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2011): You don't need to turn into a "bad boy". You need to turn into a man.You also need to learn to accept others and open up to people. If you do this I think you will find a lot more opportunities to make friends and meet women.First you need to change your "frame". It is not uncool to know about stars and physics. It is not uncool to go hiking. It is not even uncool to do ghost hunting.It's all about presentation. Imagine a girl is over at your place and she sees your telescope:Situation A:Her: "Wow! I didn't know you like this kind of stuff. Do you know a lot about stars?"You: "Uhhhmmm, no. Don't look at it! I only tried it once, I just didn't throw it away...I don't know why I still have it (throws a blanket over the telescope)Situation B:Her: "Wow! I didn't know you like this kind of stuff. Do you know a lot about stars?"You: "Yeah! (Grab her and move her to the telescope) You can see a lot with this. I know lots of good places around here to look at the sky. Just you and the stars. Maybe I'll take you there one night..."You get my point?The things we like and know do NOT make us losers. It's all about how you present it and talk to people. If you feel that the things you do make you into a geek, others will feel the same. People like to hear others talk with passion. If you talk about your hobbies with passion, others will pick up on it and be interested.You say you want to be that guy who just doesn't care! What you are doing is a contradiction!! By changing yourself, to become that guy that doesn't care, you are admitting and demonstrating how much you absolutely do care.To sum it up, you need to learn to love and accept yourself. Then you need to learn to love and accept others. And third, you probably need to learn some people (social) skills. You don't need to completely change yourself. You need to grow up.Get it through your head. People aren't indifferent towards you because you like physics or ghosts. It is likely simple social skills that you lack. After you learn to be honest with and accept yourself, you can work on social skills. Start by not acting judgmental and accepting people despite their flaws. Doing this alone will open lots of opportunities to meet and talk to people. Use these opportunities to work on your social skills.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 September 2011):
 People who are interested in other people generally have more friends. My guess is that you are an introvert who finds it difficult to talk to people in a natural comfortable way.
Don't give up the passions that make you happy and keep you interested; that will just make you really flat and boring.
Instead, make it a goal to go out and have 3 conversations per day with people and find out at least one intriguing fact about them. It's practice for getting to know people/girls/potential dates. Talking to the bus driver or the cashier counts. But you have to learn something new about them, something that you can't tell simply by looking at them.
The bad boy mystique is over-rated, also if you don't have it naturally, you're going to come off as really weird.
There are many many girls who are overlooked because they aren't perfect physical specimens, who have spotty skin or bad hair, but they are lovely girls and are waiting for someone to notice their inner beauty, just as you are waiting for people to notice yours.
If you think you have a loser personality, that's what you are putting out there and people will treat you as though you have a loser personality.
If you think you are a shy person with a lot to offer someone who takes the time to get to know you, that's a significant difference from the previous attitude.
Take back your passions and don't try to be a bad boy, that's not really you.
"I don't want to be that nice loser wimpy dorky guy anymore. I want to be that bad awesome guy who just does not care. And most of all I don't want to be lonely anymore and I want to gain some friends and get a girlfriend, something my old personality can't get me." Shoot for "nice awesome guy"... it's a good compromise.
My guess is that you are eating crap food and aren't taking care of yourself. Get back your hiking gear and start walking again.
Make sure your clothes and body smell fresh and clean--many girls are turned off before even meeting a guy because he smells bad. And I don't mean drench yourself in cologne or scent, okay?
Some people don't bloom until they are older. I knew some exceedingly gawky nerdy guys in college and they are still geeks, but they are extremely successful and happy geeks because they stayed true to themselves and as a result attracted women to their self-confident and happy geekiness. They have lovely wives and kids and nice lives and they were never ever bad boys. The key is that they were interested in other people and would look you in the eye when they talked to you or listened to you. They were thoughtful and threw parties and celebrated life in a very infectious way.
You are lacking joy and purpose. Here's a website for you to check out: http://www.actionforhappiness.org/
Change it up. You're a downer because you dislike yourself. Learn to embrace your inner geek. Rejoice! You are a geek! Your clan is going to rule the world!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 My boyfriend was born in 1967 in Canada. He did all those geeky things you did, a nature guy. He hated partying, he couldn't stand the smell of smoke, alcohol and mindless chit chat. He paid a hooker at the age of 14 from his hard earned money and learned to be a lover. At the age of 15 he managed to have sex with a girl he asked to prom to. He has had numerous lovers including serious relationships up to this day. I am not saying this is what you should have done but when there is a will there is a way, changing your entire personality is a stupid way though. He didn't have any particular method rather than being honest with his desires and being bold with them.
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