A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am with a guy that I love so much, but he is 22 and im 23 and he has so much to learn about relationships and is so immature when it comes to certain things. Hes selfish in bed, we have never been on a date (we also live together)he doesn't make much money, all he does is smoke marijuana.. I just feel like were on two totally different levels and that hes just not the one for me. The guy worships the ground i walk on and would do anything for me, but i know in my heart were just not right for each other.. I told him I wanted to move out and he was so heartbroken, I cant stand to see how much I am hurting him.. How do you break up with a good guy that loves you so much even when you know its the right decision?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): You really do have to be clear - the clearer you are, the more it will hurt right now but the easier it will be for him to get over. I made the mistake recently of being as nice as I could while breaking up with a very sweet guy who was completely smothering me. I cried in front of him, which I think made him think I still cared and therefore he still had a chance. If he's left thinking he has a chance he won't be able to get closure and move on from you. You need to say you can't see a future between the two of you and that you don't love him that way anymore and could not love him in the future. It sounds harsh, but with so many things you could say, he can overanalyse it.
After I told this guy that I didn't love him and couldn't in the future, he thanked me and said although it hurt and he didn't want to hear that, it would have been better for him if I'd said that to start with. Oh and make sure you don't say anything that he could interpret as something he could change to get you back - like don't mention his marijuana or selfishness in bed.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 February 2010):
You can't 'not hurt someone' when breaking up with them. All you can do is sit down and tell him that you don't feel it is going any further, and that it's best to break up. Be clear, concise and calm. No emotion. You just have to do it as quickly and calmly as you can. And then end it totally, including contact.
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