A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Have a few questions about dating and wanted to get women’s perspective. But if any guys have input would appreciate your advice as well. Thanks in Advance.I'm a guy who is 24 years old and currently in Uni. I’m finding it difficult dating girls. The problem I'm having is that I am overweight not by a lot just enough to have a beer belly coming off a 30 lb bulk. I have seen couple of cute girls that I have talked to and one of them saw me without my shirt and I told her that I'm currently cutting weight after bulking up ( I was and still lift heavy in the gym). She smirks and says “your funny” in a dismissive way, the thing is she is in amazing shape so I don't know if she is mocking me for being out of shape.Any way the main question is how do women perceive a guy with a beer belly? Again not a massive one but one that you can see once I take my shirt off. I do also have a bit of love handles on the side. If it helps i’m also short about 5’6’’. I think its clear when you look at me that i am a active chubby guy if that makes sense, like fat but muscular. As far as my attractiveness i have had a couple girls tell me i’m cute, and don’t know what that means but since its coming from a women i’ll take it? I'm not self-conscious about my body but if it’s a girl i like I do care what she thinks too. But as far as taking my shirt off in public and stuff i don't care. If it would help dating wise i wouldn't mind getting abs i have had them before. But the thing is i’m happy and very comfortable having fat on my body and i don't know if girls care or not. I know some do and some don’t but i’m speaking in general as of today. We are in fitness craze with instagram, and all these social media venues. I’m not having much success right now.I think the problem im having is the fact that im out of shape and my height combined making it difficult to getting girls out on dates. It has to be because i know how to be charming, respectful, keeping texting fun, and give girls time and flexibility with setting up dates etc. so Im good communication wise. Just wonder if the things I mentioned above are playing a role in me not having success. Please dont suggest that i will find the girl for me eventually, i find that unrealistic as it implies being content without making changes and waiting around. I’m playing the numbers game and have tried a lot, but im very careful on not coming off desperate in general when playing the field. For example going up to random girls back to back in public etc. I also try not to hit on girls that are at work but cant help myself sometimes. Advice? Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2016): I don't think a little "'beer belly" is unattractive to most girls. The first things we see are your face, and hair, and eyes, and such.However, maybe the girls you find at the gym are a bit biased against you for some reason? My suggestion would be to look elsewhere for a pretty girl. We especially like men that are confidant, funny, easy to talk to, and we are all over as you know.Also, if you are taking your shirt off a lot in public when you are not in the gym, stop doing that, it is weird. Dress in a way that makes you look good and feel good, and girls will respond I think. Stand up straight and tall.Get some nice collared shirts, and jeans or pants that are not ripped or worn, so you can dress yourself up a bit when you go out, maybe that will help also? We like a guy who puts effort into his appearance outside of losing weight or building muscles too!I hope this helps and I hope you find a pretty girl that is attracted to you very soon!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2016): Most women aren't too picky on looks as long as they think you are average or above.
But most women's idea of an "average" looking guy is SEVERELY inflated.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Ugh, no matter how we try to be perfect humans and not "shallow", there's no going around it: we are, every last one of us, shallow. Even you are, or else you wouldn't have been able to see your beer belly as a downside. Everyone are shallow and everyone "rank" people or "grade" them based on looks. I hate this, but it's how people work. Although the number system is way too simplistic, it is easy to figure out. So, your number one hot girl is rated a 10 and the ugliest one you know is a 1. Or 0. People tend to not date out of their "league". a 10 dates a 10 and an 8 dates an 8. There are exceptions of course, and I believe personality plays in about 50% of the equation, but looks still matter A LOT. So, if you see that super fit and gorgeous girl.. and she rejects you... I gotta say man, you should aim a bit lower. Or, work more on yourself to become an equally super fit guy.
It's also a lifestyle choice. If you prefer to hit the gym twice a week, you wont be a good match for someone who works out 5 times a week. If you do a set of one hour, you wont be a good match for someone who does 3 hours. You need to be on the same page as far as lifestyle goes. When I was dating an overweight person (and not saying you are, just making a point here), it really bothered me that we couldn't do the activities I occasionally enjoy, such as hiking. It also annoyed me that he would eat poor food and drink sugary drinks constantly, while I didn't (and to top it off he lied to everyone about it and said he ate salads etc, when in real life he ate donuts and had soda...).
Point is, you need someone who matches you. So it's not like you don't stand a chance with women because of your belly, but you need to aim at women in your own league. If you have a belly, aim for women who also have a bit of a belly. If you like to work out and lift weights, find a woman who also does this, or at least works out the same amount of time as you. Find someone with similar hobbies and overall personality like yours. Don't go for the "hotties" unless they match you well. Just going for a gorgeous woman without even knowing her is also just shallow, because you approach her only because of her looks. So don't be that guy. Get to know a girl. Or at least approach withing your own league. Or find your click of people to date in. Im a nerdy woman who likes anime, Ive only ever been in relationship with other anime lovers. Just to give another example of a specific niche of people to date within.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2016): Thank you guys for your input! I realize i wasnt focusing on the big picture which is my health, and was focusing on girls and my numbers in the gym. I think i get a physical and see if my weight height is actually healthy or not.
For the first responder I actually dont expect a girl to be in great shape if i am interested in her, while i think it can be sexy sometimes I think if it starts getting masculine then i get turned off. I never worry about a beer gut on girls im intrerested in because its alot harder for women to get a serious amounts of fat around that area, but rather women usually get weight around thier hips and upper body which i find absolutely sexy. So to answer your question I love the pear shape or “women” figure on a girl. The thicker the better!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2016): I'm just curious about what you find attractive in a woman. You say that this girl you found cute was very fit and in amazing shape so maybe she would like a guy in amazing shape too. Do you like women with a bit of a belly too or do you prefer women with gym bods? If it's the latter then maybe you would have a bit of difficulty with them.
I like men with a bit of a belly, I really don't find men with rock hard muscles attractive. I know lots of women who have partners with a bit of a belly and find skinny men less attractive than a bit of a beer belly. If you dress well that will make a lot of difference too.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 March 2016):
 Just like YOU have a preference on the types of girls you find attractive so do women.
Some women prefer fit men with muscles.
some women, myself included, prefer a guy with what I like to call "a bit of smush" I like a "thick" guy. (or gal)
I do not like hard muscles. I do not like skinny. I like healthy.
When I met my husband who is about 5'6" he was so skinny it was horrible. I didn't say anything. Since we've been together he's gained nearly 70 pounds all in his face and belly. and he looks like he's going to drop twins any day now.
I'm NOT thrilled about it mostly because I can't hug him properly any more. we don't fit.
There will be girls that don't like a chubby guy with a beer belly (and I hope it's not really from beer) there will be others who will not mind and still others who like it.
The true KEY to finding someone is LOVING yourself and being positive and walking that fine line between being upbeat and positive and having self esteem and thinking you are god's gift to women.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2016):
 When I was in my 20's I was extremely fit and dating very fit guys too. I was very into triathlons.
Reason I dated fit guy was because they understood the amount of workout I did, and the first BF joined in as well. It was one of our "things" to do together.
Would I dismiss a guy as a dating option because he had a beer gut? Nah. I have always gone for personality in a partner.
And that fact that YOU are happy with yourself I think is a plus.
BUT in the US today? I think your generation is WAY more into the "plastic perfection" than my generation ever was in our 20's. Specially with even celebs "photoshopping" themselves for Instagram/Facebook etc. there is a tendency to be a bit more superficial and shallow.
My personal advice:
IF you want to lose 30lbs and get rid of the gut, go for it. It will be MUCH MUCH harder to get rid of the beer gut in your 35+ and fat on your tummy? Not exactly healthy. A little excess chub? Not bad, but it's easy for 30 lbs to become 50 or 100. Don't do it to date girls, but to be healthy. Doesn't mean you have to go out and "get" yourself washboard abs.
A beer gut on a 6 foot 3 guy doesn't look as prominent as it does on a shorter guy.
Loving yourself for how you look is the best. Doesn't mean you can't drop the beer gut and STILL love yourself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 March 2016):
 Not very positively, I suppose :). But you can confirm me that, since you say that you have a pleasant, winning personality which gets you some game, - what fails to be totally appreciated is the outer package.
Not surprisingly. Current social esthetics aren't very beer-gut friendly. Whether the belly bearer is a young man or a young woman or even an older person.
( I don't find this a reason for outrage, btw. ANY society in any time in any geographical area has / had esthetically based selective criteria , which may be irrational or ridicolous or punitive to certain groups of people . It may be not fair- but, good luck with solving this problem, because it accompanied mankind since several centuries B.C. ).
You've got two ways to handle this. Either you decide that you do not particularly care, that you feel good into your skin, and the you LIKE yourself in your current athletic compact bull-like shape , and wait calmly until you meet girls who like your type ( Luckily, there are admirers for any physical shape, from the "asparagus" to the young bull ). That's not exactly sitting on your hands, it is just not freaking out if you aren't everybody's dream man.
Or, you decide to increase your chances to make a visual impact on as many girls as possible- and you ditch the extra 30 pouns. If you want to do that,- what's the big deal ? It'd only 30 pounds, change your diet and the type/level of your physical activity and in 6-8 months or so you can be as good as new. You have been in better shape before, haven't you ?, so there's no reason why you can't reach the same shape again, or better, if so you wish.
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