A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a boy for 8 weeks, he'd been admiring me from afar and approached me, things were going really well, we were both really into it and talking about the future, his family and friends all knew about me. However, at the start he seemed to have a lot of insecurities about not deserving me. There had also been issues when we first started meeting up, with him having what we called 'bi polar moments' where he'd make plans and decide that day he didn't want to see me. We sorted these issues out and discussed how it was due to him not wanting to be in the situation where he spent all of his time with me and spent no time with his good friends. I reassured him that I would never make him choose, I understood they came first.On Valentines day, he bought me flowers and a thoughtful gift and he referred to me as his girlfriend, the next day he said that he planned to ask me out properly. This is where it all goes wrong, he seemed to be more distant and making less of an effort. He was busy so I didn't have the chance to see him, so I messaged him saying I wanted some reassurance that he wanted to be with me, we argued as he got offended that I needed reassurance after everything we've done together. This was then resolved. The next day he messaged saying 'he didn't deserve my attention until he started making an effort', I agreed and told him to 'get his act together and start making an effort'. He started messaging me more in the week, but refused to set a date for next meeting up, so I could sense something was wrong. On the 26th he walked me home from the station but refused to stay longer than five minutes and refused to set a date for meeting up. I wanted to know where I stood, so we agreed to go for a walk on the next day. He said he'd lost feelings for me, he wanted to get them back, but didn't want to force them. I asked him if he thought they'd come back (if this was the case he could take some time to sort his head out), or if he thought they were gone for good. He said he wouldn't let me wait for him. We had a disagreement and I walked off. Later when we were messaging, I told him in anger that I regretted him. I went on to explain that I didn't regret him but how things had turned out and how hurt I was. We decided that we needed time to be friends, but he told me not to wait and I should find someone who deserves me. I asked him if this was because 'he thought he didn't deserve me and its unfair on me, or because he felt the feelings wouldn't come back.' He just kept repeating that he didn't want me to wait. He then went on to say how he didn't want his feelings to change so talking to me just kills him more.I have a class at uni with him, so today's the first time I've seen him since. I caught him looking at me and he looked away instantly (like he got caught doing something he shouldn't have).None of this makes sense to me, I feel like he's freaked himself out (like he has before) and convinced himself he has no feelings so is pushing me away. I don't understand how he can go from wanting me to be his girlfriend to having no feelings for me whatsoever in less than two weeks. Surely if he's been hurt by me saying I regretted him and if talking to me kills him, this indicated there are feelings there? I just want to know if you think there's a chance the feelings might come back and what my approach should be?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2016): I didn't read a thing that isn't typical of a young fling, and what seems pretty common for people in your age-group. You grow crushes by the moment, and they flee just as quickly as they come.
He wasn't really looking for a relationship and enjoyed being with you for the time you had together. All that stuff about not deserving you; is basically telling you you'd be disappointed in him, because he's so flighty and fickle. Immature is the word.
He is not too unusual for a guy his age. He's doing what most young guys and ladies should be doing. Spending just enough time together to decide if you really want to commit, or just date. If it doesn't stick, move on. Girls are slower at picking up on this. It's in a boy's nature.
It puzzles me when people post that they've only just met; but are already "talking about the future."
What are you talking about the future for, when you're still working on the present?
It's best to slow down and not attach your feelings full-strength; until you know who you're attaching them to. Now you know more about him, and he's too immature and fickle for you. Best to write him off, don't give-in to his puppy charms; because he'll play you back and forth, hot and cold. That's because he's checking out several different girls at the same time. He's a kid in a candy shop, and he can't make up his mind. He wants everything he sees, and likes the attention of pretty girls.
No, his feelings will not come back. So take good care of yours.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2016): Hi
I think he's trying to let you down gently, so instead of saying it how it is, he's pussy footing around with 'I won't let you wait' etc etc. Load of codswallop I'm afraid. I think maybe he likes the idea of keeping you on a 'hook' and so isn't being straight with you and also playing with you by looking and then looking away etc. It quite possibly amuses him.
Be the winner here. Don't look at him, don't let him 'hook' you, walk away, be happy and busy and let him play all his games all on his own.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 March 2016):
 I think the BEST thing you can do (for yourself) is let him go. It's ONLY been 8 weeks and he has gone from chasing you to having lost feelings for you.. ALL in 8 weeks.
Don't play the "let's be friends card" it's not going to help you.
Back off completely. Wish him well and then move on. If he still keeps contacting you, block and delete his number.
I think this guy have some serious issues that he hasn't told you about and that he isn't dealing with. And it's not something YOU can fix. You can't convince him that he is "good enough" for you. And you can't convince him that he has feelings for you.
WAY WAY too much drama ONLY 8 weeks in. This is not sustainable nor healthy.
Let him go. Don't waste your time with this one.
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A
female
reader, linzey +, writes (2 March 2016):
 i dont know if the feelings will come back but what i do know is there is more than one
handsom boy in the world.my advice would be to just move on and if he wants you
back dont lie qnd say yes if you are going out he will just find out.just tell him the
truth and if he doesnt like and says he whants you back agian just say you dont deserve me. good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 March 2016):
 It sounds to me like he simply does not want to be with you. Maybe he has realized that you are not meant for him. Yes he did like you and he did want to be with you, but dating might have made him realize that you two or not the match that he thought you would be. The answer to your question is no you cannot make his feelings return, a lot has happened in these 8 weeks that might be signs that you are just not meant for each other.
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