A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, So this story starts off pretty normal: I met my now BF about seven years ago and we started dating 18 months ago. The relationship started off really slowly because niether of us had ever been in a relationship before. The problom comes with the fact that he and i disagree on some of the major issues and morals etc. and he is very set in his ways and unwilling to compromise on most. I understand that a relationship is about compromise and i do my best to find the middle ground but this isn't always possable. Like for example, I'm a christian, have been my whole life, i would like to have a traditional religeous wedding ceremony (when the time comes), i don't believe in pre-marital sex and would want any future children raised in the smae way. My BF is an athiest. He is completely fine with not having sex. He has never pressured me or anything like that however, he says he wouldn't be open to a relgeous ceremony and the one that really gets me is that he is adament that his future children will be allowed to swear in the house, which is a diffinat no-no in my books. I know that we're both young and this is something that wont happen for years but am i being stupid to waste time with someone who doesn't share my life views, or do i have to compromise more; even though they are really polar oppisites and he seems unwilling to meet in the middle. I love him so much and i know he loves me so i don't want to throw it away but recently it has gotton to the point that others are noticing and friends are commenting that we always disagree on things. I dont want to leave him but i don't want to spend all the time disagreeing. We rarley go out as a couple anyway, only once a week in a ground of friends we share and he walks ahead with one friend (R) and they talk about games and i walk with another (M) and we discuss local politics. How are we supposed to solve this when we have so much in common and yet disagree on so many issues.Thanks in advance and sorry it's so long.
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female
reader, wonderbread  +, writes (22 February 2013):
You're right in saying you're young, as is he. :) You both have a lot of growing up to do in many areas which will happen over time.In regards to his beliefs and yours, I know several people who are devout in their faith (Some Catholic, and some pentacostal) whose spouse isn't in any faith. I'm going to tell you what they said to me, "It's very difficult." Just throwing that out there. In regards to the children, DO NOT compromise. That is important. I'm giving you advice as a woman who is married and expecting. Me and my spouse feel the same way about how our children will be raised. We've talked it over, and are in agreement about everything. If we didn't agree we would constantly fighting about it, and the household would be very stressed. You don't want to raise a kid like that, and on top of that you have your partner undermining everything you're trying to instill. Relationships are about compromise on both ends, and you can't constantly be bending for him. Eventually you'll break. He needs to realize that he needs to change some things to accommodate the relationship. I had to come to terms with that myself. It's normal for him to think that, but it is not correct. Basically relationships is two people growing together. When you're growing together, you're both changing :D
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (15 February 2013):
 HI
wow he thinks it's ok for future children to curse in the house? I think you should walk away while you can hun. Or your going to be having a house full of unruly children , if he will allow swearing what else will he let them get up to? and you will be the one running around after them wondering where your life went. Find someone who shares your values. Trust me you do NOT want to stay with this guy.
Mandy x
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