A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my current boyfriend for nearly a month. We've both never had a serious relationship before. I have always chosen men who are abusive, and this made me very afraid of committing. But, my current bf is the most amazingly intelligent, caring, talented and sweet person I have ever met; you could say he melted my heart. However, with saying that, I'm so confused. Despite how much I truly care about him, and the fact I miss him really badly when we are apart, I'm getting very paranoid I don't find him funny.My bf is very shy, and not forthcoming at all - the opposite to me. He has admitted that he's scared of messing things up, or coming across wrong / embarrassing himself. He always apologises for little things that don't matter in case I get upset. he himself has admitted he feels he must lighten up a bit. I'm an extremely paranoid perfectionist, so I dwell on very small things. I get nervous that we'll never laugh hysterically together, rather just find each other amusing from time to time. To be honest, I've not let my whole sense of humour out yet either, even though humour is a really important thing to me. I brought the subject up with him, asking if couples grow in to each others sense of humour or not, to which he strongly agreed that people can only click on so many levels instantly, and other areas come with time.Is that true? Do some people laugh together more as they become more familiar with their own quirks and things? Sometimes he says something funny and it surprises me enough to I feel as if we're getting somewhere on the humour front, and then it disappears the next time I see him. I'm aware it's such early days, and this seems like a silly thing to ask, I just care about him so much, I get so uptight about hurting him. I feel as though i'm picking apart this particular aspect of him because I'm looking for an excuse to be scared as we're moving so fast, and everything else about him pretty much seems to be perfect.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): Give the guy a break. You have been with him a month.. No-one feels they can be their self with someone when they have been together for such a short amount of time. You said that have not been entirely yourself so how can you expect him to be. Especially when that person is shy and (from what you have said) a bit of an introvert. Yes. You need to give the both of you time to be youself. I been with my BF for 4 years and I am still worried about making a** out of myself around him.Just take things as they come... The more you dwell on things, the more you are going to overthink. That not a good thing.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 October 2013):
 I think a month is too soon to expect everything to have come out. You are both holding back, and he needs time to open up. Laughing about something can be just as intimate as crying over something. Not everyone will relax and let you see them in their "natural" way after one month. Get to know him better, and build up trust. Trust is what is lacking here. With trust, humour will come.
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