A
female
age
36-40,
*ubblygirl
writes:I need helpful advice on how to fight fair/nice. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and he's a great guy except when we fight (like all couples do) we don't fight nicely. We both have shorter tempers which results in us talking/yelling over each other to get our points across, he likes to accuse me of random things in "you statements" (like you piss me off so much, you need to grow up) and we both have threatened to end it with each other before.I know its not healthy to fight this way since we both end up really hurt by the words said after and things continue this way.We were in a fight again last night when I suggested we try not to interrupt each other, threaten or accuse and he got mad thinking I was telling him what to do. I also suggested counselling and he laughed at me saying no. I'm at my wits end! How are we supposed to get past this childhood fighting if he wont listen to my suggestions and what advice can someone give me to fight fair and have him listen?! I don't know what to do anymore but I love him and want to get past this. Advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (18 August 2011):
 You probably shouldn't have suggested these things during the fight, but maybe when he's more receptive to your needs, I would tell him that the fights may not bother him as much as they bother you, but that you've suggested counseling because you are getting so hurt by the arguing that you feel something needs to change in order to have a healthier relationship or for you to feel happy again, because the way you are currently communicating is not making you happy. say something like if you want us to stay together and you care about me you would do this for me and for us because I'm struggling right now and I don't want for our relationship to be a struggle, that you need this from him or you don't see as much of a future the way things currently stand. good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): I don't see anything wrong with fighting. It's passion. If you two didn't love each other, there would be no fights at all.
There is no mature way of having a fight btw, but it's ok. It's part of being human to fight once in a while.
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