A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Sadly 2 years ago we had to ask our then 20 year old daughter to leave our house and move in with her bf, since she turned 14 she was a total nightmare, always in trouble always testing boundaries and generally had no respect for anyone let alone us her parents, the decision came when she said f-off you cxxt when i asked her to keep the noise down because her younger siblings were trying to sleep. she left and we had a relationship of some kind but more often than not it was a crisis call about paying a bill and the guilt trip of “well you kicked me out so help me” , we didn’t realise until recently she was awful to her bf as well, but he stayed because she was his first love and she sometimes had a nice side.... we found out as well she had lost several jobs due to telling people where to go!! roll on this year and obviously being a nightmare employee her company laid her off first when covid hit our area hard, and quickly her dark moods with her bf where always there, she became intolerable to live with, as her parents we let her come home as she was broke and broken and i stupidly thought i might be able to turn her life around with some TLC, good nutrition and some guidance... but 6 months on and living with her is simply the worst she’s absolutely vile, she is £6k in debt and is living on £130 a month. so it would be impossible to ask her to leave atm, she’s applied for lots of jobs but hasn’t had much luck ... she has no friends cause she ends up cussing them out when they disagree with her... the bf is on the sideline but she refuses to stay at his because of him asking her to leave.... my husband and i are at our wits end... the minute she leaves the house it’s a completely different place, when i’ve tried talking to her it ends up with the why did you have kids if you don’t want them around.... she has a habit of making me feel awful but we have 6 people in the house (myself i included) and 5 of them get on wonderfully and wake up every day and try to get along with her but she’s not interested it’s like she likes to be angry and bitter!! please help, my hubs and i are good people and we don’t deserve this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2020): You do not...repeat...do not allow a 23 year-old woman who hits you and has been known to have violent tendencies to live in your house! She nearly pushed you down the stairs!!!
If she has to find a place in a homeless shelter, so be it. The description of your daughter seems more like bipolarity than anything else. She obviously has anger-management issues; but the fact you didn't mention you sought another professional opinion leaves open the question, if the unscientific-diagnosis of "precociousness" to be the opinion of a quack?
Most parents are in-denial when it comes to there being anything mentally or emotionally wrong with their child; so they may put-up with the most unbelievable behavior. You and your family are all traumatized; because she has taken control of your household, and dragged you all through hell and back. Yet you've invited her back into your house. Seems her boyfriend is the only one who figured-out what's best for her; and that is to let her figure-out how to survive alone, when she has done nothing but hurt everyone who tries to love her. You have no right to push her back on him. He is done with her. He has done what I would have advised him to do. Ask her to leave, or leave himself!
You won't like this suggestion; but many people these days tend to dismiss or scoff at seeking prayer and worship. Your daughter may not find all that she needs lying on someone's leather couch. It's unlikely she'll voluntarily submit to anything. She definitely needs therapy; but she also needs devotional healing and spiritual-counseling with a minister, rabbi, pastor, imam, or priest. If you believe in God and worship; it is likely your daughter will find peace through prayer and seeking help from God Himself. You cannot force that on her, she has to go there of her own free-will. It starts with you. Pray for her, get counseling with your worship leadership, if you yourself are a believer. Get prayer for her, and leave the rest up to God. God is sovereign, not a genie or sorcerer. He acts in His own time and in His own way. Mere humans do not tell Him how to be God, or judge Him on what He should or shouldn't do, or what He shouldn't allow. Such thinking is blasphemous, irreverent, and people who think like that won't get a thing out of Him. You ask, believe, and you wait. Ask as often as you like. He loves to hear our prayers. Give thanks for all blessings you've received.
If your daughter spoke disrespectfully to and about you; you didn't go out and buy her presents, or hand her a sack of cash as reward. Don't expect God to bless those who blaspheme His holiness. Although He is infinitely loving and forgiving, if you ask Him to forgive you for it. He will. He even blesses bad-people, because He lets it rain on the good and the evil. His love goes out to all mankind. God is love. He is forgiveness.
It's never too late for prayer or worship. You can roll your eyes, or see this suggestion as ridiculous; but everything else has failed. You deeply love your daughter, or you wouldn't have risked bringing her back into your home. Which was not a good idea. Not when she behaves this way; and no-one in your household knows how to deal with her.
There is a darkness within her, and it can be changed when she seeks the help of the Lord. I don't push anything down anyone's throat. I offer the suggest with love; and I'll follow-up with a prayer. If anyone can change or save her, He's waiting only to be asked. That's God.
You don't have to drag her kicking and screaming into a church or place of worship. You and your family can seek that all for yourselves and pray for her; and seek fellowship in a place of worship. You just may see changes you've never seen in her. It may not happen immediately, and it may take many prayers. Give it a try. What have you got to lose? You have everything to gain.
God bless you and your family. May He guide you, and show you the way to help your daughter. May she be touched with His holy light, and may she find help through well-trained mental-health professionals who are able to meet her needs. I trust things will change if you believe. If you don't, I will pray for her anyway. We who believe, know Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. We are not required to force anyone to believe that, only to gently offer it when we know He can help. This is my own opinion and has no reflection on this site.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2020): Time to kick her out of she will never learn.This is on you mom and dad.When she was 14 and under your control you could have made her get help.But you did not want to anger her so you bent to her will and still are.Just no.Tell her she must get therapy in order to stay at your house and you also have rules she must follow.Sixty euro a month should be her rent.You are doing her no favors by not doing this.If she does not want to abide by the rules or pay rent tell her bye bye.It is better to teach her this stuff now than later or she will end up living off you forever and make your lives part of her bipolar hell.Your fault but you can fix this and teach her a lesson if you carry thru with this Do not ever give in.She needs life lessons.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2020): Having her go to a psychiatrist is a good idea if she will go, she may be bipolar or something else, and she may need therapy and medication.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2020): original poster here. Thank you for the reply, yes we have been down the Therapy and psychological routes, the original diagnosis at 15 was there was nothing medically wrong with her, she was simply Precocious, that said i’ve started the ball rolling for a ADHD assessment in the last few weeks, the original doctors said she had learned that manipulation was an easy way to get her own way. The only thing i’ve noticed is this came about when she started her periods and she is generally at her worst for a few weeks before her periods and we aren’t talking a bit grumpy and snappy we are taking trying to push me down the stairs when i was tried crossed her on the stairs once or thumping my head in the car because i wouldn’t drop her somewhere, luckily she has stopped hitting me after therapy. it’s actually impossible to make a nearly 23 year old do anything she doesn’t want too and that’s the problem when everyone is scared of her she gains the ultimate power over every one, maybe the problem lies in the fact myself, her father and her siblings we are peaceful, loving people who don’t like confrontation, she hates the fact that every day we all factory reset and wake up with the hope the day will be a good one with her, she likes to hang on to things. We all love her desperately cause she’s our gal, we just want to help her, help herself and free ourselves for this daily toxic treatment and love a happy life’s
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 November 2020):
 I agree, nobody deserves to be treated the way your daughter is treating you. However, she does sound very unhappy. Have you ever taken her to a psychiatrist? Would she consider doing it in the future? Have you ever sat her down when she is in a good mood and asked her why she acts the way she does to others? Did something happen in her life which made her like she is? Is it that she just does not know any other way to deal with conflict? If she finds it hard to argue in a reasoned fashion, lashing out may be the only way she can cope when she is in a conflict situation. Have you ever suspected she may suffer from depression?
I would sit her down and open the conversation with something like, "You are my daughter and I will always love you. However, when you lash out at everyone, you make them feel hurt and unhappy, which is not fair. I can also tell YOU are unhappy. Are you able to tell me what this is all about, why you react so angrily all the time?"
I'm sorry you are in this position. It must be very hard for you and for everyone else who is at the receiving end of your daughter's anger.
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