A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im married to a man ive never met the 2 children of. Ones 3 and the other is 11, both boys. I also have an 11 year old, a daughter. His baby mom, who has been seeing her boyfriend since about a year before i met my now husband we'll call T, hates that hes moved on so dang much that hes now battling court to see his kids and shes regularly hitting him up to remind him that shes withholding his parental rights for as long as im in the picture. Shes horrible and courts monday. Shes made things a nightmare, though if it wasnt for her drama our relationship would be literally a fairtale amazing drama free thing. After a few attempts at doing visits at other places to appease her not wanting me around and still make it to where he could see his kids, she was just so much drama during pick up and drop off that he ended up calling off visits until after court. She causes a crap ton of drama and then once shes able to get a reaction out of you she says "thanks, that will be good for me in court" its to the point we hardly care to reply to a text from her even.She started taking his kids to his sister's house every weekend. His sister also lives with his mom. Shes made it clear to everyone in a harsh manner im not to be there when they are at all. The year she spent with her new guy prior to me and T getting together she didnt have any contact with his family at all. Completely disappeared. But now its all week long. Shes regularly texting his sister crap about me to the point where im torn between just being myself and relaxing while they get to actually know me the very few times i get to see my inlaws vs spending the whole visit defending my name. She went to his grandmas funeral 2 weeks ago just to be a pest so i didnt get to go because yea.. he ended up staying home with me which is sweet, but now that the holidays are coming up it just feels like im sitting out during them if his family are the ones actually inviting her to family stuff; according to him she invited herself to the funeral so that the kids could go. But when i cant bond with his family because shes doing it out of spite i feel discouraged. They say they tolerate her that way the boys can still be near Ts family and i totally respect that. We dont go there so that she wont change her mind.Last weekend both of our 11 year olds hit it off while he was at Ts sisters and my girl was here. They talked on their phones for 2 days straight nonstop. We knew shed be pissed but really we just quit caring. Shes petty courts Monday. As soon as his son went back to his moms she went through all of the messages screenshotting parts where my daughter cussed, demanding pictures of what their son said. I showed the stuff to T but not to the baby mom because she didnt send me the screenshots of what my daughter said, she sent them to Ts sister who she talks to almost daily about me. The issue is that now shes running my daughters name through the dirt calling her things like a bastard little mistake and a soon to be slut like her mom etc. The things her son sent he deleted from his side were extremely vulgar. Talking about watching stepsister porn and wanting to climb on top of my daughter etc and many dirty gifs that had weiner drawings or perverted jokes in them. My daughters in trouble for cussing and not bringing his language to my attention thats it. I dont want to throw my stepson under the bus in order to defend my daughters name. I havent the energy to fight for a position in my husbands family but they had such a good bond up until he himself didnt want to go over there while shes always stopping by. His baby mom whos always blaming me for him not dealing with her anymore is always trying to convince his family its me not letting him go to his parents. I cant keep nagging him to go without me he dont want to. Its me who nagged for him to pursue court visits and or custody and to get them bedrooms set up at my house etc. I dont know how to handle this gracefully anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2020): Your comment came before my last one posted. Im the op. I hope he does really. We're more than in the position to take them on full time and raise them right. Its funny you suggest that but ive barely even went into detail about all the crap she does wrong as a mother. From her boyfriend smacking the kid and having old record of child abusr charges we found out by chance occurence to the boys in tears as she rips them from their dad threatening to call the cops because she "suspects im in the area" etc.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): Im the original poster. She says this stuff when she messages him. Every single time she messages him its to bash me. If he dont reply she accuses me of not giving him permission to. She refers to me as his fling, mid life crisis or other harsh cuss words i wont post, but never by my name and never my daughter by my name now either. He ignores that part and proceeds to try to reason with her and that just seems about pointless.Though its unreasonable i assumr for me to think he should be hardcore putting her in check to appease me, thats my anger talking because i know i would if my babys dad talked about my husband that way. I get hes not a drama filled mouthy person but heres a better example..She told him 2 weeks ago that if the kids are ever to step foot in this housr she'll be doing a walk through the whole place first. This is besides the fact that her home is trashed and the kids dont even have bedrooms. His last visit with them before he moved in here she came to pick the kids up and forced her way in so he says, and made a video of the whole house while going off on him and telling him her and her boyfriend are moving in. It took me making it clear to him that he needs to make it clear to her shes not coming in this house until i say so. Im firm on that but it took way too long for him to grow the balls to tell her that himself. Im not sure if im at work he has the backbone to enforce that so its frustrating. Shes threatened to "beat me until i go into the hospital" etc. She dont belong walking in ny house even if im not home. Its like its in one ear and out the other when she bad mouths me. I get he just wants to keep it about the kids but thats not what shes ranting to him about. She dont let him see the kids until court and shes constantly going on about me. Its easy for him to ignore 3 quarters of what she says i suppose. Smh
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): Your guy got to lawyer up and get custody...full custody.If the kids stay with her I fear how they will turn out.Parental alienation is a thing that can really damage a child.Once more judges do not approve of it.Get those kids...raise them right....Be patient with them though a lot of damage has already been done.Therapy for all involved especially for the kids.If your husband is any kind of good man he will do this...If not I feel sorry for those kids.Show him this so he understands how important this is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): I had this for years! In the end, I just told my husband to man up or I’m gone. Fortunately he manned up and his ex just had to get on with it. She tried to cause drama and still does 10 years on, but it’s husband’s problem to deal with and he sorts it. Don’t let it consume you and just be yourself! If something is said that offends you, just laugh!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 November 2020):
 I think you need to consider how this affects YOUR daughter MORE than anything else.
Your husband is acting like a limp spineless eel. Sorry, but that is how it seems.
I get that taking her to court can be expensive, so that might be why he is hesitating.
I think you need to have a family meeting with your husband first, then AS A UNITED front with HIS family.
While I think there are things you should RESPECT the mother's wishes for, her going after your daughter is just not OK. And no one seems to stand up for her. Not really.
You husband needs to grow a set and figure out HOW this is to be done, just sticking his head in the sand and letting YOU and YOUR daughter take the blame and ire from this woman is just not fair. I'd be pissed at him more than baby momma.
You daughter also needs to block that boy. And if she can't communicate over tech without using foul language maybe she isn't mature enough for her own phone. I'm NOT saying that she sound be punished for HIS behavior but for her own.
Him sending dirty texts and pictures and gifs IS NOT them bonding! That is HIM setting your daughter up. That is him being inappropriate. It's not OK for to be exposed to this. Nor should SHE be encouraged to keep talking to him.
You write:
"The issue is that now shes running my daughters name through the dirt calling her things like a bastard little mistake and a soon to be slut like her mom etc."
Where is she saying this stuff and to whom?
And what is done about it?
I think you NEED to realize that this baby momma and her drama is your HUSBAND'S circus and his clowns. HE needs to clean this up. If he can't YOU need to consider what is BEST for you and your daughter.
You say that it would all be perfect and fairytale like EXCEPT for the baby momma and her drama... I don't believe that. I do believe things would be easier if she behaved like a rational person, but your husband is enabling her antics. He isn't just ignoring her.
You two need to have some deep discussion about this. HE needs to step up and ACTUALLY deal with this, YOU need to protect your daughter.
I think you REALLY need to make your daughter THE priority. Not this baby momma.
Some people just can't grow up and be civil. She sounds like one of "those".
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