A
female
age
51-59,
*ilyofthevalley
writes:Help me. Besides being a bit of a Well, I cheated. I didn't enjoy sleeping with a stranger. I strongly suspect he was more attracted to my pocket book than to me. I understand now that it was not destiny, but i don't really understand what it was. I let him treat me worse than i ever let anyone treat me in my life. I never intended to leave my husband for him but I wanted my husband to know. Well hubby figured out that there was someone else and he quickly changed to taking me out dancing every fri and sat night even though he hadnt taken me out once in 18 years for dancing. He would not agree to counseling, but oddly has not shown any anger toward me and this has now been well over a year ago. Sometimes I think that the worse thing i ever did has ended up being the best thing for the fun part of my life.So here's where things get sticky again. now my husband and i have been together 20 years. i love him and know that i want to be with him for the rest of my life, but i have met another impoverished, illegal, ridiculously young immigrant with whom i share no common language. I am very attracted to him. Particularly the way he looks at me like i am a godess. Of course now i realize that this is no great love that is destined to be. i realize that i have some sort of fetish for the beautiful down trodden.What is wrong with me? Am I repeating this behavior because it worked well for me in some ways before? Believe me there was also much humiliation, guilt and massive depression that went with the last one also.How do people stay away from others they know are bad for them?I so desperately need help!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): Easy. Stay with your husband. This is a trick to drag you in a deeper hole. These men you meet, you have not said anythig about their character..only how they look. This is immature for you. You should grown from your previous experience and enrich your relationship with your husband. By some whoola hoops.. girl with yo man, cause if he's a good man which sounds like he is... there is someone waiting for you to go in the wrong direction before they obtain the prize you seemingly are confused about keeping.A wise woman builds her house... START BUILDING!
A
female
reader, lilyofthevalley +, writes (1 July 2009):
lilyofthevalley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you make your wife hot
I appreciate that you offered suggestions without such harsh judgement. I really am a nice person that truly loves my husband. I enjoyed your site and will encourage him to check it out. He really loves me too and doesn't want me to divorce him. He hasn't given up on me. Maybe he has given up on himself and will take me anyway he can have me. I only want to make love with him, I just crave adoration from other men - maybe to know that i still "have it." Just like you said. I will try to get him to understand the value of role playing so he can be the stranger that is so surprised by my hotness! You're the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Just divorce your husband and do whatever you like. It seems that he's given up on you long ago and is just letting you do whatever, and you want to do whatever too so it works both ways.
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A
female
reader, lilyofthevalley +, writes (1 July 2009):
lilyofthevalley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks lovinlife. I think the key for me is remembering what a fool i made of myself. i really thought that that was some special relationship that was meant to be. But what a disaster! I wish i could train myself to feel those feelings of misery, guilt and humiliation when i look at this new friend of mine.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 You're welcome.
I also think you should stay away from the other guy if he's pushing you. It's wrong if you keep seeing him knowing that it's going to lead to cheating.
As for your husband, how about asking him for an "adoration night"? That would be one night where he fawns over you, does everything for you, and makes you feel like you are the most wanted woman on earth. Tell him how much it turns you on and makes you feel wonderful. I think that if you share with him how much you love being desired and what it does to you, it could bring you closer together. Sometimes a long term relationship needs a wakeup call, you know?
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A
female
reader, lilyofthevalley +, writes (1 July 2009):
lilyofthevalley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Quirklady. You are right that i broke my marriage once and i didn't even enjoy it! I love the flirting and the sexual tension before i really do anything wrong (or is this really wrong, too?) But my husband knows exactly what i like and i love having sex with him. i cant enjoy sex with someone i dont trust and its hard to trust someone who would knowingly mess with someone elses wife. My husband wont role play. He's not completely unadventurous, but that is an area he won't go. I just wish i could enjoy my friend and not do anything ill regret but he keeps pushing for alone time. I love my husband and really am a stranger to myself when i am so obsessed with this guy and so uncaring about what i would be doing to my husband.
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A
male
reader, makeyourwifehot +, writes (1 July 2009):
No problem!
You have a husband you love and unfulfilled fantasies to address. There is a logical, safe and monogamous solution to your problem.
Visit my blog at http://www.makeyourwifehot.com/bragblog and you'll see we (my wife and I) have addressed this issue safely for a great marriage.
(I had fantasies about a three-some which she had no interest in. We solved the issue to the satisfaction of BOTH of us and you simply MUST read how we did it!)
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 July 2009):
It worked for you once so you're doing it again. This time can be different though. Take all that energy and put it back into your marriage instead of cheating. Heck, you might even try role-playing this situation with your husband one night. I bet it will be quite hot! :)
In all seriousness, though, you already broke your marriage once over this. Try to keep it as a fantasy if you want to keep your marriage.
Good luck.
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female
reader, lilyofthevalley +, writes (1 July 2009):
lilyofthevalley is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Natasia. It is a relief to know there is someone else out there like myself. My friends keep trying to fix me up with wealthy white guys figuring i must be unhappy in my marriage. I'm really not, but i really don't understand my attractions to these men that can't really bring anything to the table. It definitely is a rescue type feeling, but i like the way they look at me like i am so exotic and exquisite - at least until they know they have me:(
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 Hmm. I know what you mean, as i think i am attracted to the same type. Sexy, foreign and in need. I also try to rescue them, and end up in an unsuitable relationship and badly treated one way or another.
To be honest, I think you only live once. I can't say for certain I think you should stay away from him, because maybe your life will be again enhanced by this. And as it doesn't seem to have any ill effect on your marriage ... oh dear. Sorry. I'm not giving the sensible advice I should, am I?!
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reader, lovnlife +, writes (30 June 2009):
i guess the same way people stay away from drugs they are addicted to (check into rehab) no but really its nothing wrong with finding someone attractive but you dont have to at on it that where you have to put up a wall i mean this look he gives you most make you feel like one hell of a woman to even think of cheating on your hubby again and dont forget you said you basicly made a fool of yourself the first time dont let history repeat itself
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