A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Some of my friends have like five relationships a year! And all of them seem just as close and affectionate as the wonderful one it took me five years to develop with my now ex.I thought it would last forever. Then she broke up with me for some random guy. Now (less than five weeks later) they're all over each other and she involves him in everything she does.I waited a year before asking her to be my girlfriend! And we waited another year before I could spend time at her place, go camping together and stuff, and be part of her family.Anyway, lightspeed relationships seem to be "normal". My friends seem to get in and out of relationships on a whim, getting together after casual hookups and breaking up for petty things. And no one seems to get hurt.My question is: How do they do it so fast?Maybe if I knew, I could attempt to replace my ex like she replaced me. At least in the physical sense: cuddling, kissing, walks, watching movies... I miss those things so much, that I'm willing to pretend to love someone else just for the company.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 From your description I'd rather class you as deep and sincere, than passionate and intense. You can be passionate sure, but it takes the time to get there. Hence you are deeper, your passion lies deeper.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chigirl: Interesting point of view, since I've always considered myself very passionate. I pictured other people as colder, because it seemed to me that they didn't think very highly of love if they could just give it so easily. I never thought of them as more passionate than me, but I guess it makes sense. If they have more of something (passion), they can afford to give more.@shawncaff: Thanks for the clear answer. If others tend to get more serious as they grow up, I seem to be going backwards, since only now I'm starting to get interested in dating with no long-term goals.@mishmash: Thanks for the kind words. It does seem kinda sad that most people feel that way, even if unconsciously.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): I think you hit it on the head when you said, "I'm willing to pretend to love someone else just for the company."
I think most people in there early 20s are very similar to you in this way, but I doubt most are as self aware.
You were lucky to have had a meaningful relationship early on...perhaps one day she'll appreciate it, even if it long after the fact.
It will get better. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Well, you are young. Casual relationships in your early 20s might be satisfying, but in the long run, it does not work. There is so much at play in the basis of a relationship when you are that age: many of them are built upon sex, physical attraction, personality, parties, fun, etc.But as you get older deeper values become more important as life becomes more difficult and you become more independent. Then trust, common interests and beliefs, good financial management, empathy, communication, etc. are essential.Eventually, your friends are going to need to move on to something more serious. Certainly, they are not getting the practice now. It seems like maybe you are just mature enough at an early age to realize that good, solid, and fulfilling relationships take time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 January 2011):
Its a personality thing. They are very passionate people, or intense people. You on the other hand need some time before you feel that type of passion with a person. Just stay the one you are! Don't try to be more passionate or intense unless you feel that thats what you want. Not to forget they meet likeminded people, and thats why they hit it off so fast. It's like a house on fire you know... they just go with it and release all of their feelings at once. But easy come easy go as they say.
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