A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,OK, this is gonna sound naive, but it is sincere.I am a heterosexual male in my late 30s and I do not understand one-night stands, or having sex with a stranger (like a prostitute) or someone you don't love.I mean, I understand the sexual urge, but for me, I can't separate out the emotional component. When I get aroused for a woman it is because I feel there is a connection between us. I feel that there is some caring, something unique. When I have been in the situation of having sex with even a beautiful woman whom I didn't know (in a one-night stand context) I could not help thinking about how the next day we would move on without any commitment. And suddenly I lost my interest. I asked my friend how he does it. He said, "Dude, you just gotta imagine she loves you. Fake it to make it!'But I just can't fake it. The reality of the impersonal nature of the whole thing makes me unable to imagine anything, and I just lose interest.Can someone explain this to me? How do you do it?Maybe my hormones are just not strong enough?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Buddy, my man... youre very normal and in fact applaud you for ur ethical view. I was ONCE able to remove my emotion and love sequence with a woman once for a one time thing and that I had to thru counseling. Yeah, the mental attraction has to be there for most men in order to feel stimulated because you dont want that feeling of emptiness. Your friend gave you horrible insight btw. Youd being playing mental games with yourself if you took his opinion and acted on it... youre def not the guy to be random it sounds. Youre normal pal, very normal. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Dorothy Parker says it best......
Unfortunate Coincidence by Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying ---
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
People find it easy to lie to themselves, many pretend they're in love for the couple of minutes it takes. If that's not you then don't worry about it and wait until the right person steals your heart... no problem
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (3 January 2011):
 It's easy for those who can seperate 'love' from 'sex'. I can. I can seperate the pleasure of the sexual act from the pleasure of being with someone they love.
A lot of people can't - and that's probably MORE common. You're not different or abnormal in any way, in fact there's a lot of people right on DC itself who would tend to agree with you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 There is plenty of people ( mostly men, but some women too ) that can easily separate sex from feelings/emotions and see them as unrelated.
These people love the sensation- not necessarily the person who provides it.
I had some trouble myself to understand it , eventually I figured out that it must be more or less like when I go to the hair salon. I am a hair salon addict- I love the sensation of having my hair shampoed and rinsed and pampered, and coming out with my hair all soft and shiny. I enjoy the sensation, while not having any particular feeling for the shampooist who provides it. At times I don't even notice ,or see ,him/her.
I think this way of confining pleasure strictly to the physical plan comes easier to males in part for cultural reasons ( they have been ,and are, taught that this is not only acceptable, but in fact very cool too ) in part for biological reasons. Male orgasm is nearly authomatic and easy - a "happy ending " is almost guaranteed ,provided a sufficient amount of stimulation. Female orgasm is more elusive , and much more filtered through mental perceptions- so women are,in general, more likely to seek, or at least to wish for, the kind of connection you are talking about.
This obviously does not mean that you are "hormonal" or feminine or that there is anything wrong with you. At most it may mean that you operate at a level of consciousness a bit more sophisticated and less primal than many of your peers.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Why would you want to take the emotion out of sex?? You're a keeper if you can'r do that, because the women you fall in love with will be secure that you're not just using them to get off.
Some guys just want to get off. The one night stand women mean as much to them as the fake porn bombshells they get off with. The orgasm is the drug, and there is no human connection to it.
Unfortunatly, society has praised men for being so-called "studs" while women are looked down on as easy for having many partners.
Stay who you are. It's not your hormones. You have a heart and will make a woman very happy!
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A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Nothing to do with 'hormones'. Lot to do with what you believe in. I tend to see myself as a 'performer' which means I can do it with just about anyone. Yeah, two years working the excort clubs in Pattaya will do that to a person.
You're absolutely 'normal'. Don't forget that 'normal' is not a single point on the bell-curve, it's a widish range.
Stress less and good luck.
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