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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I was dumped last May. We were together for 3 years. He was my first. First sex, first I love you and first serious relationship. I know this may sound strange, but I started dating when I was 26. Before him, all the guys I met were those who liked me, but I wasn't interested or I liked them and would try to approach them but they didn't like me at all. I'm confident and always try to look the best and pretty and I'm fit. My ex used to tell me that nobody would like me except for him. I was heartbroken when he broke up with me. We planned to get married after he graduated from graduate school. I don't know if he's my first so it makes it difficult for me and takes a long time to move on. It was a bad breakup and he hurt me a lot. I was clinging on the hope that he would come back. Sometimes I hated him so much that I even told him I won't shed a tear for him even when he dies, but sometimes I missed him like crazy. I know it won't happen when I learned that he has a new girlfriend. I believed he loved me and he didn't lie to me about getting married. We tried, but we couldn't work out. All I do every day is tell myself that he's not the one. Why not let him go if he's not the one? This does help me stop torturing myself and make me feel better. People always say that first love is the most difficult to get over and your first love will always stay in your mind. I don't know how I feel about him now. Do you guys just forget about the bad memories about your first love and keep the good ones in my mind?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 It's not strange that you started dating at 26. In fact, it probably made you a lot more mature when you finally did start. Therefore, you got to skip all the steps of immaturity. that's a plus, in my book.
The comment your ex made about how no one would like you but him is a rather abusive comment to make. did he make comments like that often? Or belittle you? Most importantly, I hope you realize that's NOT true. It sounds like you do know that.
Getting over any lost love is terrible. it feels like a big, black rain cloud is hovering over your head everywhere you go. It sucks. I know. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I can say that although I've had much more experience with dating, if my current relationship were to end, I would feel crushed just like how you're feeling, regardless of them not being my "first love." My first love meant a lot to me. But I'm an adult now and know what a real relationship is and consists of. And for the first time, I can see a marriage in my future. So the loss of that is so much harder to deal with at our age, to me, than being 16 and breaking up. So it's not necessarily because he's your first that it hurts so much. It's because you saw yourself spending the rest of your life with him. And you're realizing now that it wasn't meant to be. and that's why it hurts so much.
You should try to hang on to the good memories as much as you can, but don't let that obstruct you from moving on. Eventually, you'll get to the point where you're so happy with someone else, you'll look back and recognize exactly why this relationship ended. You'll find someone so right for you, that you'll be thankful in the end for your breakup.
Keep your head up. It's one day at a time. eventually you'll be just fine.
A
male
reader, M Proops  +, writes (13 January 2014):
The first person you fall in love with will always have a special place in your heart.I can sense your sadness at being dumped but the passing of time will heal your heart and before long you'll fall in love again.The first girl I fell in love with at school back in 1969 but was too shy to ask her for a date and suffered for two whole years until we left for University.I still think of her to this day.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
 My first love ended after 4 1/2 years and it was kind of due to OTHER things then the two of us, that cause the break up - we both saw the writing on the wall and were both stubborn
about NOT being the first to fix to or leave.
It was a good relationship, not any bad really - just us growing apart the last year.
So getting over that was hard. Took a good full year before I could even look at him without wanting to cry. Sappy I know. But we both moved on, not at the same speed. He was on his 3rd GF when I started dating again.
If the bad out weighed the good it gets easier to get over because you are blaming yourself more then him.(and in you case I think it could have, judging by how he put you down to make you "grateful" that he is bothering dating you). IS that really a guy you would want to marry? Have kids with? Really?
I think you are not really REALIZING how luck you are that it is over. A guy who says... nobody would like YOU except for him. IS full of shit. Is a manipulative douche, you tears you down to build up back up as a codependent insecure woman, who BELIEVES his drivel and stop trusting her gut feelings.
YOU will fond love again, but not til you ACCEPT that he wasn't who you WANTED him to be. He really wasn't for you. And ACCEPT that you are actually lucky that he has moved on, because now you are free to find someone who will love, appreciate, and cherish you, not make you feel bad about yourself.
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