A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello, this may be quite a long question so please bare with me. My birthday is coming up, one of my plans for it was to go around town at the weekend of my birthday. Another was a surprise which my mum had planned for me which was a spa day the weekend before however ive only just found out about. I could invite two firends. When I found ouy the date of this spa day I messaged both of the friends and told them. One of them was extremely excited, (L) but the other didn't reply although below the message it said she had seen it (R). After she hadn't replied I left it a day and then messaged her again, saying that I'd like to know if she was coming yet again she didn't reply however she was online regular. Two days later I tried ringing her but she didn't answer. So I decided to message her pretty bluntly sayinf if she didn't want to come all she had to do was say and I also reminded her about our other plans to go out the weekend after my birthday. Finally she mesaaged back saying she had tried ringing me however I hadn't had any missed calls. She also said she didn't know if she would have enough money to go out and she would have to ask her mum. (Any other time she always seems to have money her mum is forever giving her money, for clothes shoes make-up etc. She has also been going out every weekend since the new year with her couison). We had been planning to go out for my birthday for a good few months and I have been saving up, luckily I am going to my friends to go out after my birthday. I saw R today at college she waved at me I went over to her, I mentioned everything mainly going out and she said she's not going to have any money, I was pretty annoyed at this point but didn't want to fall out so just said OK and brushed it off, but after that she stormed off. I haven't spoken to her since I don't know whether to. I feel totally let down because not only has she blown me off once on the weekend after my birthday but also a second time which is the weekend before and that's because she's going out with her couison again. Also if it was any other time of the year I wouldn't be too bothered but its my birthday and she has blown me off twice. If she was genuinely skint and hadn't been going out every weekend, and buying loads of clothes etc I also would understand but that isn't the case.Please can I have your opinion, am I being out of order or do I have a point?Thank you for replies
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): You don't need a friend like this. I used to have one that was exactly the same - wouldn't reply to messages and when I finally caught up with her, she would have some lame excuse. Save your energy for your real friends who will make time for you and make your birthday special. Don't fall out about it, just stop making the effort with her. I'm sorry to say this, but she may not even notice! :(
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 January 2014):
 I would ask another friend to enjoy the spa with you.
R needs to get over whatever she's got going on and you need to leave her alone for now. I personally would leave her alone for a looooonnnnng time.
Try not to make this birthday about R's choice to avoid you and not respond to your invitation. Instead, make this birthday about your mum's generosity to treat you to a spa day. Try to rise above the hurt feelings I know are there and focus instead on the positive things that are going on in your life.
The good news really is that R won't be there to ruin the lovely spa experience with her negativity! It's a blessing in disguise, if you really think about it.
Happy birthday!
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (13 January 2014):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your advice. I think you could be right about her being mad at me for something she is normally very reilable, and we are usually pretty close we've never fallen out. Ive only just recently become friends with L through college after the summer we were all mixed up and put in different groups I knew no one in my knew group. Luckily L was in that group and since we've become pretty close. Unfortunatley L and R aren't good friends and only know eachother through me. L was there when R stormed off L also thought this was strange and said that in had a right to feel annoyed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): You do definitely have a point. The fact that she didn't bother replying to any of your messages or phone calls shows she clearly doesn't value your friendship that much, especially when it concerns your special day. If I were you I wouldn't confront her about it, just go about your day as if nothing happened. Focus on your relationship with the other who sounds like she DOES value you as a friend.
I do wonder whether this girl knows what its like to have friends. She seems to be spending all her time with her cousin after all. Don't ignore her, smile and be civil with her and who knows, one day she may realise what she is missing out on.
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2014):
 I would JUST take L to the Spa and go out with her.
R is being a bitch and YES, I agree with llifton she is mad at you for something and "punishing you" instead of telling what's up.
I'd tell he that the spa is cancelled and not mention going out again. If she can go out with her cousin, she can go out with you, but she CHOOSES not too and thus I would CHOOSE not to take her to the spa.
Is L and R friends? If they are I would gently ask L if she knows what's up with R.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 January 2014):
 This sounds like typical girl shit, to be honest. exactly why I try not to surround myself with many of them lol.
It sounds like R is being extremely passive aggressive and is most likely mad at you for something. You know how girls can get - rather than telling you she's upset at your for X,Y, and Z, she's ignoring you, being a bitch to you, and blowing you off. She's punishing you for something. At least it sounds that way to me.
I really hate it when people try to play it off like they did call you back when you know good and well they didn't. It's so stupid.
Anyway, you are not unjustified in your feelings, in my opinion. She sounds like she's being a huge pain in the ass. And I HATE drama and passive aggression.
Just ignore her for a while.
Good luck.
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