A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,I was just wondering about submissive/dominant sexual relationships. Over the last few years I've gotten really into the idea of being completely dominated during sex; tied up, handcuffed, spanked, etc. I don't think I'm a masochist though, because I don't want any real pain to be involved.I have only had one sexual partner (my ex-boyfriend, when I was 21/22) and when I suggested it to him (would you be up for tying me up with this scarf tonight? etc.) he never was into it. He said it made him feel bad, like he was taking advantage of me. I totally respect that, but being tied up is one of my fantasies and I would love to try it with someone one day!So, I was just wondering:For guys--how would you feel about dominating your partner? Pinning her down, tying her up, having your way with her...that sort of thing?And for girls--do any of you also fantasize about these things? I'm just trying to figure out if it's unusual or not :)Thanks! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): it is 100% normal to have such desires and you deserve to have your fantasies fulfilled. but finding the perfect match takes time and patience. the nice guys simply don't have the ability to be like that. some other guys are totally capable of doing what you described, but you may not like to give yourself to them, as they will treat you like an object, humiliate and degrade you.I used to know a girl like you. she had a dominant boyfriend and she liked it so much that she moved in to his apartment. the first 3 months were filled with sexual satisfaction but she started to get bored. that was when the guy began to lock her inside the apartment, or punish her if she went out and didn't get back in time. she finally had to run away, with only the clothes she had on.I suggest you find a nice guy, go slowly and work on his trust. then slowly introduce him to what you like. it may take a few years but it's safe and worth the wait.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2013): Its not unusual at all. But for me whether I am into being dominated or not depends entirely on who I am with. If the guy I am with is pushy and wanting to direct the way things are going or trying to direct me how to feel (like telling me I should like what he is doing) then it is a total turn off and the last thing I want is to be dominated by him because it feels like I am being taken advantage of or disrespected.
But if the guy I am with is sweet and caring and considerate then I really want him to dominate me! I don't ask him directly though. I just start playing the role of being a bit submissive while we are already doing the deed and seeing if that turns him on and makes him respond. For some guys it really seems to light a fire in them and that's the best way I have experienced this as the pleasure is going both ways. I think what makes it so pleasurable for both of us is because in "real life" I am not submissive at all to anyone.
However I might add that I don't necessarily want or enjoy everything associated with d/s. For example I am not into spanking, or the whips, it just does nothing for me only irritates me and seems silly to me.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (31 August 2013):
I am often the dominant one when it comes to activities of the bedroom, and I usually engage in activities outside the bedroom because well it is just who I am. Basically, what you described in your fantasy is who I am, but I do like to mix it up and allow my partner to dominate as well. A lot of girls like being dominated and vice versa. They are just sexual preferences, so when you have your committed partner, introducing them to your fantasies and you of theirs will make the relationship that much better. Of course some people are uncomfortable, but that is normal as well. Don't worry about it, I am sure it is difficult enough to just find a decent partner! Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): Not unusual, very common, everyone is different but some form of sub:Dom is enjoyed by many even if only very very mild...its what you like and what you and your partner agree upon...i do like mild submission and my man dominating...nothing too too crazy n definitely no pain. Your not weird at all!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): No way; it's just too far crossing the line. Even I wouldn't cross that line.
The problem is the aggression during sex can sometimes go into dominating people's lives, which isn't a good thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): No it is not unusual, however, as you see with your ex boyfriend, it really depends on the guy as not all guys are into that. All guys have different sexual preferences. Some guys want to be dominated. Others want to dominate. Others just want to make sweet love to you.
In fact I was at a stand up the other night and the comedian was talking about a girl he briefly dated that was the wild dominant type and wanted to handcuff each other and had whips and chains and wanted to bone seven times a day. And do all these crazy acrobatics in bed. And he was talking about how absolutely turned off he was by the whole thing. He explained he didn't need all of that as he is more the lovey dovey type.
So as you grow to be more sexually experienced you will see that each guy is different. And yes there are some men who are totally into that.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymus2012  +, writes (31 August 2013):
its completely normal. my girlfriend is an alpha female, however she is very submissive at sex. she lovrs to have her hair pulled, biten, spanked, pinned down, tied up and so on.... i see nothing wrong, its just a preference about how you like sex. personally i dont enjoy that much being so agressive to her while having sex. i would like to be submissive like her sometime. in my opinion it feels good to dominate my partner and have it my own way when my girlfriend in real life is no submissive at all. is an ego boost ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2013): I'm very fortunate. As a female, I absolutely love it when my boyfriend completely dominates me. We always have a safe word, though, in case things get out of hand.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 It is not unusual. Some people have a dominant streak, some like to please. While others are able to do this just to make the other happy, and have fun at the same time. I would say personality and childhood upbringing influence what people like to do.
Being dominated is my earliest fantasy, way before I truly understand what sex is about.
My wild guess is 30% of men like dominating their women. It makes them feel like a master in control. It makes them feel good because they must have that "something" that make women submit to them.
...............................
|
