A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I fall out of love with this man. He is on my mind constantly, so much so that I cannot concentrate on what people are saying to me, think I see him around everywhere I go, even think I hear his name in a sentence when I do deign to listen to people.I know it is not a crush, I have had plenty of those in my time and it is not the same at all. I know he likes me and we are friends, but I do not have the gumption to tell him how I feel.My closest acquaintances know how I feel but they do not know him and only a couple of days back he only just met my mother.When I am with him I do not feel self conscious. I know I can say anything to him and he will not think I am being stupid or put me down.We do have our little playful arguments and a couple of times the pair of us have got hold of the wrong end of the stick and taken umbrage but it is forgotten the next time we meet.He is older than me, by 24 years. But he acts younger than the 50 year old he is, never married, so no baggage. And besides, to me age is just a number. When we first met, we absolutely detested one another but then of course we got to know each other, so it wasn't love at first sight, nor have I been aware of the direction of my feelings until recently when I was feeling very low. But I cannot continue to be in love with him when I know full well I will not tell him how I feel and especially when I don't know the direction of his own.So how do I wean myself off him? I obviously don't want to but I have been rejected so many times over the years that I cannot put myself through it again, knowing it took me ages to get over them.I know I may sound like a drama queen, maybe even pathetic and should just say something regardless but I just can't.Hope you can help
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (18 December 2010):
 I have to agree with the other poster. Why would you want to know how to wean yourself off of love? Explaining how you feel about him, you are not at all in love with the idea of being in love, as some mistake for truth, you are truly in love with him. He is there, you hang out, the reasons you love him will remain evident, therefore, it'd really be impossible to correctly answer your request.
I believe you should tell him how you feel. The other poster gave great ideas about how to naturally move in more of a friendly romantic direction. Who knows, maybe he's holding the same for you, and doesn't want to say anything because he knows the answer can go either way. What I would do is set up something different, and let nature take its course so to speak. You don't have to directly say how in love you are with him, but bring the conversation into a direction that may lead up to your friendship and how much it means to you. Idk, say something like, "there are so many couples that I bet wish their connection was as strong as ours." etc. Not really beating around the bush, but bringing conversation for reaction purposes. If he feels the same about you, or sees something in you that's stronger than just your friendship you will find that if you ask the right questions, or make the right comments.
You fear rejection, but it seems like with you being able to say anything that rejection is not what he will do. Someone you can be you with, without judgment, that in itself shows a deeper connection, from both your ends. Don't live a life wondering "what if?", you will only regret not taking the opportunity when it presented itself. You two may be who you have both been waiting for. Don't let your fears keep you away from what could be. Okay.
Please update us. I personally feel it will be an update well worth waiting for. :)
Take care.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2010):
Hi there. You don't really need to tell him how you feel. In fact if you did, you might lose him altogether.
Once women start telling the men they like how they feel, it can sometimes push men away, making them scared and feeling pushed into some kind of commitment, a thing they might not be ready for.
In any case, he can surely sense how you feel by how you are when you are with him. How well you communicate with each other, things in common. There are lots of things that are clues to how a relationship is going.
24 years is a big age difference. But as you say, it doesn't seem to be a problem to either of you. That's great.
I don't think you mentioned this, but how much time do you spend together? Is it every single day (except when you both go to work of course)?
If you do spend every day together, then you really don't know if you miss each other. The true test is how much you think about each other when you aren't together. You obviously think about him a lot.
Another thing I just thought of is, do you go out anywhere together? Does he spend money on you?
If you just stay home - at either his place or yours - then do something different together. Go for a picnic on a weekend, take some nice food, a nice bottle of wine and just enjoy each other's company.
You could then go for a nice walk along a track through the park and talk as you both walk.
Another thing you could both do is, at night or early evening, go for a nice long walk along one of your local beaches and enjoy the ocean breeze and the beautiful sea air. It's so peaceful and relaxing, it's a great way to get to know each other more by talking while you are walking. The conversation will just flow really smoothly.
It's at these times, that all sorts of thoughts naturally come out, that at other times wouldn't have. It's a great way to get to know each other better.
You won't have to talk about relationships or stuff like that, but some of the stuff that comes up, will reveal things about both you and him. These will be some clues.
Try it anyway.
If when you are both together, everything seems to fit and there seems to be nothing missing in the relationship, and you are happy in each other's company, then that's a positive sign. If you are both comfortable just being together, but doing absolutely nothing, and being completely happy, it's another good sign.
Consider it a positive step if he took you to meet his mother. If he didn't think something of you, he wouldn't bother doing that.
It all sounds pretty good to me.
Stop worrying about it, and just relax, enjoy your time together and don't forget to have fun. Life is too short.
You can't rush commitment to happen any sooner that it's meant to. It will happen when the time is right, you can be sure of that. You will both know when that time is.
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