A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidI was in FWB for around 3 years on and off. He was my collegue at work and I was in love with him. Long story short he was very abusive towards the end and dumped me a month ago. We see each other at work, he carries on as if I don't exist and I am still trying to move on. No one at work knew about our FWB.One of my new friend at work who joined recently is eyeing this guy. How do I tell her that he is a jerk who used me for money and sex and dumped me at the end by calling me whore and slut just cause i slept with him. I don't want her to get hurt by him, she is nice person, in the same time I don't want to tell her my pathetic story.How do I tell her about this guy without relieving my story Please help me.
View related questions:
at work, money, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): "You'd be better off staying away from him if you're smart, trust me I've worked with the guy for a long time now, he's a bastard when it comes to women."
That's that, you warned her, she knows he's bad news the rest is up to her.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 May 2013):
 The two who responded before me have both made the same case, and it's important. That is; YOU and this creep engaged in a "FWB" arrangement.... and HE chose to discontinue it.... YOUR reaction to HIS behaviour and his breaking off the FWB is your's and your's alone....
Many/most of us believe that an FWB is "emotionless" sex... and, therefore, subject to stopping at any time... In your "favor".... it isn't uncommon for us to see dismay, like your's, from one of the participants (most often seems to be the female).... when they "develop feelings" for their FWB partner... but the FWB is not changing their original specifications, at all...
I say keep quiet to this next victim and chalk this whole episode up as an unpleasant learning experience.... AND thank goodness that things never got any more complex than they did.... say, with an unexpected/unwanted pregnancy...
Good luck....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): Sucks, but nothing you can do without coming off as bitter and jealous.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 May 2013):
I'm sure this is a sensitive subject, so I hope this doesn't come off as being a little cold, but in my opinion your experience is irrelevant in this case.
You claim you had a FWB relationship with this guy, yet you say you were in love. So right there you made a big mistake. This 'abusive' behavior was likely subjective (aside from name calling) because you started to fall in love and those feelings weren't reciprocated. That could make anyone seem like a jerk.
The fact that you say he used you for sex kind of seals the deal... what do you think a FWB relationship is? Telling her any of this assumes that things won't work out for them, or that she won't be able to keep things strictly FWB and you have no way of knowing that. As the other comment said, you'll just come off as being bitter. My advice: move on and mind your own business.
The exception would be if he was physically abusive.
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 May 2013):
 Hi, you would put yourself in an awkward position if you have to advise her. YOu could come off as being bitter or jealous.
I am afraid its best you distance yourself from this. I hope you learnt that there is no such thing as FWB - especially woman, we are emotional and want the whole nine yards.
Keeping your distance from him and ignoring him is best for you to heal and also move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (22 May 2013):
 Dear OP,I'm sorry to hear about the traumatising experience you had with this guy!First off it was wrong of him to call you a whore and a slut,the arrangement you'l had was mutual but that's how it is in a FWB the person can just want to end it one day since there is no committment!Now if you want to warn your friend or give her a heads up,you can do it by first finding out if she likes the guy or wants to go on a date with me,I mean you can't really prevent everyone from dating this man!Just let her know the truth,cuz if you tell her this is wht you heard about him,she wouldn't really believe and might still go ahead with it,unless it comes from a direct source!you have nothing to be ashamed of,everyone has something that they are not proud of ,this is one of them for you!so relax..you'l do your friend a favor but even if she's looking for an 'fwb' then I don't think its your place to say anything and let her decide for her own!
...............................
|
