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I'm in love with my best friend who is going through a divorce, is there any hope we could be together? Or should I just give up?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 May 2013) 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 May 2013)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My heart is broken and I am wondering if I should just give up on love.

I REALLY need help in this situation! I feel very broken about this. Please no mean answers... I'm hoping no one will judge me for this.

I love my best friend. I love him dearly as a friend, but I love him as more than a friend. I KNOW in my heart that I will never love anyone else. I've had feelings for other guys, but I KNOW I love this one.

I LONG to share my life and give all the love in my heart to a companion. But, there are problems. I'm 34 years old and most young men have already all been snatched up long before they get to be my age. I get depresseed about my age because I want this man's well being even more than I want to be happy. and I feel like I'm not good enough for him because I'm not 20. I feel like he deserves better than me.

Here's the real problem.

He's going through separation and divorce right now. I'm so afraid that this closes the door and makes it hopeless. He seemed interested in me as more than a friend in the past, but says that he isn't ready for a formal relationship with anyone.

He says he doesn't want to return to his ex-wife, either. He says he loves me dearly as a friend, but I don't understand how he can care about me, but hurt me like this.

Please don't tell me to find someone else, because I don't want to be with a guy that I don't truly love. Please don't tell me I can feel this way about someone else. I KNOW that I truly love him, and I know I will NEVER love another guy.

Is it hopeless? Or could he ever be with me? Should I just give up on love?

View related questions: best friend, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, want to be happy

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A female reader, countrygirl4545 United States +, writes (23 May 2013):

You do need to give him time. Whether he wants to go back to his wife or not, he is still facing a change in his life, and will mourn a loss. He needs time to get over that, then maybe he will be ready for a relationship with someone else. Don't be depressed about your age, thirty is young! Give him time, and try again. If he wants you, he will let you know, but you have to wait until he is ready. I know this is not what you want to hear, but if he only wants to be friends, there is not much you can do about it, except for try and move on and find someone else who you can spend your life with. If it is any consolation I know exactly how you feel. 100 percent. Good Luck Sweetie.

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A female reader, Atsweet1 United States +, writes (22 May 2013):

Atsweet1 agony auntI would say move on. Dont string yourself along. Also make sure his answer is final concrete. He may be afraid to hurt you and he dont want to be hurt either. I would fight for who I love and want to be with. After a good.fight then you will know it is or isnt meant to be. Some times we catch people at the wrong time. He may not even know your so into him like you are. Communicate that first face to face watch there expressions make your choice from there.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (22 May 2013):

eyeswideopen agony auntIt sounds pretty hopeless to me. Since you are so very determined that you will never love any other man, I guess you might as well give up on love. However if you do give up you will NEVER know if that truly is your only option or if you are just shooting yourself in the foot .

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A female reader, sugarplum786 South Africa +, writes (22 May 2013):

sugarplum786 agony auntHi, There is nothing wrong with you loving him and he is in the process of a divorce. The problem is as much as you profess your love for him, I dont think he feels that way about you, atleast based on the information given it does not appear that it is reciprocated.

I suggest for your own well being , distance yourself from this crush/love. He also needs time as he just got out of a marriage and has told you he is not ready.

If you push and persue anything you may even lose his friendship. Like I said keep your distance and also as much as you say you dont feel this way for another man, you need to consider going out with other guys as friends.

This will also allow you to free yourself from getting hung up on this guy and stop u from doing anthing stupid - like calling him all the time and sending him messages.

Sometimes in order for someone to appreciate u they need to miss you, ie you must not be readilly available. Its human nature to want what we cant have.

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