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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my bf last night. He kept bothering me about my past. In my past I made out with two strangers (older than me) when I was drunk. I also had a friend with benefits. I remained a virgin though. So I got fed up and broke up with himHelp, he thinks I'm a slut! I'm not a slut! I never cheated on him. But he's convinced that I'm a slut and that I have cheated. How can I walk out with all my dignity, and make him realize that what happened in the past (more than 2 years ago!) is in the past and doesn't define who I am now? I DON'T WANT TO BE LABELED A SLUT!He's 23, I'm 19.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 It's sad how easy it is to label people. The problem is that we are all too often defenceless against such behaviour. If you protest, people start to take notice and wonder if there might not be some truth to it. If you ignore it, people still assume it might be true. Give a dog a bad name and hang him.
In this case it probably doesn't matter. In an earlier day and age, people were burnt at the stake for other people's opinion of them.
Anyway, he's feel to feel you're a slut -- it's his loss! And on your part, you're free to feel he's a total wanker, which he is exactly what he is.
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Does it actually matter what he thinks? You know he's wrong, and you should also know that anyone who thinks like that has the problem - not you.
Of course you're not a slut. You're not even half way to being a slut. Good grief, many girls of nineteen have had half a dozen lovers or more, and most of them aren't labelled as sluts by anyone. Don't let this silly, immature boy (and that's what he is) try to put any label on you.
Head held high, nose in the air, and disdainfully ignore him, knowing with absolute certainty you're worth a hundred of him any day.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 I would expect these questions to say "I slept with my brother, by husbands dad, his mom, the mayor, and govenor, oh and the whole police department." That might have a different result.
You made out with a couple of guys. Had a "virgin" friends with benefits. You are far from being a slut. What is with his insecurities.
You've answered your own question. What you do in the past, does not define who you are. I have a friend, who I don't see as a slut, but some in society may. She was a pornography actress for 10 years. She was on the streets young, and found a way to survive. Drugs and sex. She's since stopped. Is a single parent. Went to college. Found God, and began going to church. She also helps people in porn see there is a life outside the hell they live.
I don't see her as a slut and I have a great deal of respect for who she has become.
What I want you to remember. It's not how this person sees you and your past. It's how you view it. You life is yours. You live in a manner which you feel good about who yuo are and who you become. Other than that, it doesn't matter how anyone else views you. Be happy for yourself, and don't let anything he says change the way you feel about yourself. There will be people all through your life that try to lower your sense of self. Don't let them. You are you and will be you, because you is one thing that no one can take away.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 The only important thing in life is what you think about yourself!! Do you believe you are a slut?
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 You cant control what other people think of you and frankly, you shouldnt worry about it. You know you are not a "slut" (ugh, I hate the word) and thats all that matters!
I wouldnt try to convince him of who you are or who you are not, his opinion does not matter!
I can say that I am proud that you broke up with him! Someone who loves you and cares about you will accept who you are and any past you might have and not be threatened by it.
I think telling someone about your past is a mistake. That is your personal information and no one is worthy of knowing. If you happen to find someone that is mature enough to handle it is one thing but those are few and far between.
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