A
female
age
41-50,
*923gmail
writes:I don't know what to do!I just found out that My boyfriend talks flirtatious to other women on Facebook! One if his comments on his wall says "anyone want to talk dirty" wtf? Then he goes and says that they couldn't handle him and these girls are just eating it up and doing back to him! It upsets me because I am not enough for him! I confronted him on it and he says it's no big deal and these people are people he hasn't seen in 20 years and that it means nothing it's just Facebook talking? (does it matter how Long he has known these people? 20 years or 20 min) he says he would do anything for me and that he would delete his facebook because that's how much i mean to him..I told him ok then delete it! Then he says I deleted the posts..again wtf? It seem to me that Facebook consumes him!! He spends more time on the phone looking at the posts then spending time with me! I guess my question is how do I trust him with this Facebook crap when I know what he is saying or do I just say screw it and let him and facebook have a relationship?
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female
reader, 0923gmail +, writes (1 May 2011):
0923gmail is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your replies!! They are very helpful and I am going to think about what it is I need to do! When trust and deceit are involved u sometimes have to think about your sanity and start being selfish!!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 May 2011):
 There are two things going on here that I can see.
First, his writing flirtatious things to people on Facebook is inappropriate and disrespectful to you. Are you listed as his wife on there? If so, that's just not cool. If not, why doesn't he?
Second, he's gone out of balance with Facebook if it's stifling your relationship. If he's spending more time on it than he is with you, and you are left alone, it's time to scale back and fill it with other activities.
This is where you come in. Marriage hits the fatigue wall at about 20 years, and maybe it's time for you to shake it up some. Guys usually start doing things like this because they're bored. No slam against you, but that's what happens. He could also be starting a mid-life crisis and this boosts his ego and makes him feel young again.
It's quite true that he might not mean anything by the flirting, but that won't always be the case if it's allowed to continue. These things do progress, and it's a smart and alert wife that recognizes it and diverts it.
If you two have interests in common, maybe it's time to stimulate some of those things. Become exciting, mysterious, and don't only talk about the mundane responsibilities. Inject some fun into the marriage. Tell him that you want to go out on dates, and think of new things to do!
The trick is to have the midlife crisis be an adventure together. Have you wanted to go on a vacation you've always wanted to go on together but just put it off? Vegas? A cruise? Alaska? Australia? A pro ball game? A concert? The trick is adventure and excitement! Takes work, but you both will benefit.
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A
female
reader, curiosity1103 +, writes (1 May 2011):
It is not okay for him to be writing these things online. It may be "just Facebook" but it is still talking to real people.
How would you feel if he was acting like this face to face with people?? That is how you can determin if this is a real issue to you- because Facebook is something that is real.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Hey, men don't change much and old habits die hard so what you see is what you get. You have to get real with yourself and decide whether you want to be with a man with his proclivities and then live with your decision. If you continue this relationship on the basis of what "could be" if he were only this way or that way, then you are staying for the wrong reasons and you will become his micro manager instead of his partner. His values are set and you obviously need the relationship more than he does so it will be you who has to compromise.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (1 May 2011):
 I think it is an ego thing with some guys. Maximum attention, and ego boosting for a minimal amount of work. And the anon poster is right, for some men it becomes addicting. The feed off of it and won't willingly let it go.
The sad truth is that some guys would rather be a stud online than work on a real life relationship. It's easier.
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A
female
reader, lovehelper123 +, writes (1 May 2011):
 Ok this sounds like u need to dump him. He needs to understand that this upsets u. If he truely would do anything for u he should delete his facebook acount. Just say " it's me or facebook." Then u will find ur answer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): He has an unhealthy addiction to social networking and he needs to acknowledge this. I've recently deactivated or deleted all my accounts because I'm simply sick of how society is starting to revolve around 'status updates' and 'omg did you see what she posted on his wall?'
Tell him how his inappropriate online activity affects you and whether he wants to fix this or not.
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