A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend, Mason and I have been together for 8 months now. He's 26. I'm 22. I'm constantly at his place because I feel that it's so convenient since my college is two blocks away and so is my workplace. And I like being with him. He makes me happy. My mother's been upset that I haven't been home in literally weeks and that I've barely called her to catch up.The thing is I like being around my mother. Just not at home. Our place is kind of depressing. I cry when I'm there. And I feel separation anxiety from not being near my boyfriend. It never used to be that way. I'm not entirely sure why. It feels so far from civilization - like an island. Believe it or not, I like being near the noise and constant sounds of cars and trucks passing by. But I can't tell her that. Because she might think that I don't like being around her when I just really hate our place. What should I do?
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Did something happen to you at your mother's house? Is there something about your relationship with her or your history that you haven't mentioned? Because if it's just a case of not wanting to leave your boyfriend to go and visit your mother in the countryside, then you are being selfish. Wanting to be with him and to be around noise and traffic also doesn't explain why you can't call her on the phone or on Skype.
You're also too attached to Mason if you can't be apart from him. That's unhealthy. What is your life outside of your relationship? To you spend time with friends, go out, have hobbies, exercise? Or do you spend every spare minute with Mason? If so, this needs to change. Never make another person the centre of your universe. That's a recipe for disaster and unbearable pain. You need to have a full and happy life by yourself, with a boyfriend as a wonderful bonus.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 September 2013):
 To echo YouWish, seriously ?! You love your mom, you get along, you enjoy being with her ,....( and, let's not forget it, you are her DAUGHTER, so you also have moral obligations to her, it's supposed to be an emotional give and take between you ,not just you take when you need it and the rest of the time , who cares, screw mom ) and you don't go to visit her even if she's local... because you don't like the place ?...What are you, a cat ? ( they say that cats only get attached to the house ,not to the person ).
How self involved can one be ?... You get depressed, you cry, you like to stay with Mason 24 /7 , you you you... and what about your mom, does not she get depressed having a daughter that shuns her the first time a male pair of pants appears on the scene ? Does not she cry , well, hopefully not, but, would not she have any reason to cry having a daughter that can barely even bother to put in a phone call ?...
As the anon says - grow up. It's not all about you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 September 2013):
 You're in college? How are you doing? Are you avoiding something by not going home?
Are you avoiding something by not talking to your mother?
My guess is that you are. You are depressed at home, you cry when you are there and you have anxiety when you are away from your boyfriend of less than a year. Those feelings are new, you don't know why, so you are avoiding them.
You say you hate your place. That's not it.
You're avoiding something, something unpleasant.
As you are in college, you are luckily in the advantageous position of having a counseling service available to you.
Call them and get in there, and tell them whatever has happened to you to make you this avoidant of your home.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 September 2013):
 Seriously? Get over that feeling, and right quick. I know you're lovestruck on your boyfriend, but you only have one mom, and she loves you. Not visiting for weeks and barely calling is not cool if you have a mom who loves you and was a good mom while you were growing up.
My parents lived in the absolute sticks -- it looks like the farm in the second season of the Walking Dead, and it was that far from civilization as well. They had dialup internet up until 2 years ago, so I literally had to disconnect from the entire world while I was there -- my cell phone service didn't even work until Verizon finally built a cell tower there. That is how far away in the country they were.
When I was young and a poor college student with a boyfriend and then fiance, I saw them every chance I could, which was difficult because they lived 10 hours away and my car at the time drove like it was holding together by rubber bands and the nearest airport was 3 hours away (Chicago).
You love your boyfriend, I get it, but your mom is your mom, and you only ever will have one of her. You are taking her for granted. Talk to her regularly, because if you don't and avoid going to see her (she's local! You are so lucky), you will regret it. When was the last time you called and asked how she was, or offered to help her with some project when you came over??
I buried my father a week ago. I can tell you that I made the effort to tell him I loved him on a regular basis, and I have no regrets, even though distance kept us apart for months at a time (there was a time they lived much further away and two years went by before I saw them), I always called even if it was for 5 minutes. My father died of leukemia, and I came there at various times to help take care of him, including this final time when he died. I would give everything I own to hear his voice one more time, but time has run out for me. I honor him now by living up to my last promise to him the day he died -- to help take care of mom.
Time will run out for you too, because if the natural order of things continues, you will someday bury your mom. Long after this boyfriend of yours either becomes an ex, or you marry him, your mom will still be there. There will be a time when you would give anything in the world just to hear her tell you "I love you" one more time. Do not waste this time...it will run out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): Grow up , just go for a night . You can do that, have a nice dinner.
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