A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, im 16 and a junior in high school, ill be 17 in 2 months. the guy im seeing is 20 and will be 21 in may. i really really like him a lot. he was friends with my ex boyfriend and thats how i met him. eventually me and my ex broke up and me and this new guy started hanging out.. his name is chris by the way. so me and chris have hung out a few times now and we want to be together. the thing is, my mom doesnt know yet. she has no problem with me being with someone older.. but im just going to tell her he is 19 because she had said before that 20 would be pushing it. thats not the main issue tho. ive already figured that aspect out. the big thing is that he has a 19 month old child. he has full custody of the baby and the mom only sees him twice a week. chris lives on his own about 40 mins from me. he is a really great guy and he has treated me great since day 1. i have to tell my mom about him soon, and idk whether or not the mention the baby. i want to, because im already falling in love w the child! he is so sweet. now, i dont want to play mommy. but i do want chris to be able to bring him over and for my mom to know about him so we dont have to hide it. but how do u think she will react? if i were ur daughter, what would u say? should i tell her about the baby at all? please help! thanks
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (3 February 2011):
 It seems like you have given it alot of thought and in the end it is your choice so I hope that you two are happy together. Tell your mom exactly what the situation is and if you stand there and express what you have just now I'm sure she'll come to terms with it even if she doesn't initially agree.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni cant stay away from him.. i like him so much already i dont want to just throw it away. i know it would be complicated, but im willing to stick thru it for him. i realize that his child comes first, but the baby hasnt gotten in the way yet.. and the baby is so sweet, its like the perfect child. i have no problem helping chris out with his son, but yeah.. it has its own mother so i wouldnt wanna impose on that. im not really "asking" my mom.. im more jus telling her because im going to do it anyway. but me and her have a good relationship and i wouldnt wanna ruin it. i just hope she understands that this is whats going to make me happy. thank you both!
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (2 February 2011):
This is a really tough situation. I think that you should just sit your mom down and blurt it all out then give her time to take it all in. You should tell her that he has a daughter too because if she finds out after she has agreed to let you see him it will not go over well.
I would personally say no but not because of the age. The child is his main responsibilty and you have to know that you will always come second to it. Also as you two get more serious with the relationship it's not playing mommy, it's being mommy for that child when you are with the two of them. it would be very complicated because the two come as a packaged deal and you can't be with him without excepting the child. I'm not saying your now it's mom but when the three of you are together you really can't just ignore it.
I think first you should decide if you are willing to handle the bagage that comes with dating the childs parent then tell your mom if you choose to do so. It's not impossible but it is alot of stress that a 16 year old doesn't need.
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A
male
reader, Patriot +, writes (2 February 2011):
Just stay away from him romantically. You are too young to deal with that. Your mom knows what she's talking about. Don't lie to her.
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