A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend always comes to me for advice on her relationship. Her boyfriend does not treat her right. He texts other girls and while they were on a "break" he slept with his ex. I hear her talk on the phone with him and she says I love you but he never replies. She will ask him if they are together and he just hangs up the phone. He is always being mean to her and says she is stupid.I've told her to just break up with him but she doesn't listen. What do I tell her? How can I open her eyes? I hate to see her upset all the time.
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best friend, his ex, I love you, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe knows about him "cheating" on her. Yes I do agree technically they were not together but they were still talking and everyone including the ex knew they were getting back together. I'm pretty sure that my friend knows that she needs to let him go back she says it's hard because she doesn't want to be alone.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Go to her and say
"I have a problem, I have a friend who is being mistreated by a man she loves and I don't know how to get through to her"
She will assume (we hope) that it's someone else... then she can ask "well what's going on?" and THEN you can list all the things that you currently see as wrong.
I would NOT list the cheating on her while on break as sadly what i see is that breaks for for that need in these younger couples... they get an itch they want to scratch and instead of cheating or asking the partner for the chance to "hit that and quit that" they take a "break" and do it anyway. Technically it's a break so there is no cheating right?
he insults her
he calls her names (stupid)
I'm betting she is the one doing all the relationship boat rowing while he does nothing and if she stopped he'd be around for sex and nothing else....
maybe you can ask her if she can wait for him to contact her for an event not sexually related and see how long that takes?
We often can FIX our friends but we CAN'T OR WON'T fix ourselves.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Sit her down in a private place with just the two of you. Explain everything that is happening to her from your perspective, but do so gently. Explain how he has no respect for her or her love and give examples. Try to do this in a nurturing and sensitive way. Affirm that you are her friend and deeply care about her. Help her look towards a brighter future and the prospect of finding a guy who will respect and adore her the way she deserves. Give her a hug. However, be warned. Girls can often become defensive and angry in these situations. It is well worth the risk, but if it happens, don't let an argument erupt. End the conversation, tell her you only have good intentions and that you love her, and then leave. Let her think about what you've said and let her come to her senses. If she doesn't want or take your advice, then let her be. Some people need to be burned in order to learn to quit touching the hot stove.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 December 2011):
Your her friend, and that means you can just tell her straight 'he's treating you like crap, you deserve better, so dump him.'
If she doesn't listen to that, well, that's her problem. And, being her friend, that'll mean you have to listen to her cry about it.
So, in short, be a good friend and just be there. When she asks your advice on him, tell her what you really think. If she doesn't listen, shrug and continue to be there for her. At some point, she will open her own eyes and see him for what he is.
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