A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a huge problem with my self esteem.. My boyfriend has stated that he is sexually unhappy with me because I'm more reserved then the girls he was with before me. He has said that he wishes that we could have "fun" together in public, i.e groping and such. I'm really not that type of girl.. I believe that sexual matters are meant to be private and inside, not outside and near other people. Is there anything I can do about this? I'm already happy with what we have had sexually before this, but it's tearing me apart, and I feel so inadequate for him. Does anyone have any advice for this issue?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): I won't go on too long as the previous posts are all excellent but I wanted to post so you could see someone else agrees with them! Your boyfriend is being a complete ***!
You obviously have good morals and standards and for a guy to make you feel like you have less self confidence well he isn't worth your time. To mention what his other girlfriends did is inconsiderate and if they were that great then why isn't he with them now? Maybe they wised up to his ways.
No one on this earth has the right to change you, you are your own person with your own feelings and beliefs and one day I am sure you will meet someone who matches your ways. X
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I'm having a real big problem with your boyfriend. Your self esteem was fine before you met him? Why should you want to be grouped in public, why should you want to make out in the middle of the street? Holding hands and a kiss on the cheek should be just fine. Why does he want you to put on a show before the whole world?
Yep, as you can guess I aint that kind of girl either. I don't like guys that compare me to other girls. If they were so great then he can go back to them and they can sex play all they want in the street.
Stop letting it tear you apart. That's the problem. Why do you think that you have to please him like this - Isn't a boyfriends job to try and please you too?
You feel inadequate to him!!! (Now I'm angry) I can't really say what I want to hear, because it's very rude, and children are watching.
Didn't your mother ever say - "so if he asks you to jump out the window are you going to do that too". Maybe them girls were like you, shy and private, and he kept with the emotional blackmail until he was feeling them up for everyone to see, maybe that's why they ran away.
Baby, you let a man run your life like this, and you'll get yourself in very big, big trouble. That's how many girls get into prostitution and porn, some stupid guy says "but if you love me, you'd do this, it's no big thing, all my other girlfriends liked it, hey, it's only to show my friends".
Wise up young lady, or stop dating. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO SAY NO! Guy can ask for something, and sure you think about it, maybe he may ask for something you like and you don't mind. But to hate yourself, to "tear yourself apart", to try to force yourself to do something you feel is wrong, that is stupid, that is dangerous and that means your with a guy who loves himself too much, and you have no protection because you love him too much too.
You don't want to do it. TELL HIM NO! His other girlfriends did it. SEND HIM BACK TO THEM! Man is knocking your self-esteem, using emotional blackmail, forcing you to do something, DUMP HIM. Don't worry, tons of guys who will like you just the way you are, tons of girls out there that he can fondle in the street.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 December 2011):
You don't need to explain to him that you don't like it. You just tell him. If this is something you don't like, or don't agree with, then tell him straight. If he doesn't like it, then maybe you need to ask yourself what you are to him. Because if all he's interesting is having a grope in public, then maybe all he sees you as is an object, rather than a girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (1 December 2011):
 There's nothing more important than being true to yourself. If you don't care for what he wants, it's more important that you be comfortable than he get his thrills. If it's a deal-breaker for him, so be it. There are lots of guys out there who respect the concept of public decorum, and who don't want to offend the rest of the world with over-the-top PDA's.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): Have you ever considered that it might be him thats inadequate, not you? Not everyone wants to share their sexual activities with an unsuspecting public or be thrilled by the thought of being caught or watched. In fact, thankfully, your partners fetish is not that common...otherwise none of us would know which way to avert our eyes when out!
Probably half of what he tells you about his past is just him wishing! And he may feel by talking up a storm about past girlfriends and what they did to keep him happy, you will feel obliged to act the same way. Dont be fooled. Tell him straight that you arent the kind to act like that and ask him to stop mentioning it because it is affecting how you feel about HIM! I wouldnt mention that its affecting your confidence because it doesnt sound as if he cares about that much. He should be making you feel fantastic about yourself and honoured that you want to be intimate with him at all. If he persists after you have talked to him about this issue, you might do well to let him go and find someone who puts your feelings above his sexual kinks.
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