A
female
age
26-29,
*essicalynn
writes:This isn't a relationship question but I was hoping someone might be able to give me some advice.I'm 17 yrs. old and a senior in High school. Over the weekend I found out I was pregnant.I live with my father, my parents divorce was I was 9 and my mom has lived in another province since then so we don't have a close relationship.My father and I are close, he's fairly easy to talk to but dating has always been a tough subject for us. My bf is 19 and he is in university. My dad isn't a fan of me having a boyfriend and hasn't been particularly nice to him in the past.He was pretty strict with curfew and us being alone together, so telling him I'm pregnant isn't going to be easy.So I'm looking for advice on how to tell him? I don't know how to put it Into words.
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female
reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (12 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I can't depend on my dad for the rest of my life but he told me to focus on school and he would handle things financially. I haven't sat down and tried to figure things out we are still just going day by day with everything.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): I agree with your father. Make a choice you can live with.
Yes, it's expensive to raise a child, but they're still being born every minute and every hour.
Just like your parents found a way, so will you. That also means you don't let "Mr. No Condoms" off the hook. It doesn't really matter what his parents think. He has financial-responsibility for the child.
You don't just discard a child for "inconvenience." Yes, it will change your future, but the good new is; you can make all the right choices and still reach your dreams. It just may take a little longer, and you have more than yourself to consider.
It's no longer a matter of who's at fault. What's done, is done. You weren't artificially inseminated. You had a partner!!!
Follow doctor's orders. Eat healthy, get plenty of rest, don't stress, and be especially nice to your father.
Good luck kiddo!
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female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (12 January 2015):
 Here are a couple of places to start:
http://www.babycenter.com/baby-cost-calculator
Also, I can't get the link right on my phone, but on "Canadian Living":
How much does it cost to raise kids in Canada?
By Krystal Yee
According to MoneySense.ca, the average cost of raising a child to age 18 is a whopping $243,660. Break down that number, and that’s $12,825 per child, per year -- or $1,070 per month. And that's before you send them off to university.
While money isn’t the only factor when deciding when to have children, it’s still important to consider whether you can afford to raise a child -- and what short-term and long-term sacrifices you might have to make.
Here are some numbers to think about.
Maternity leave
Employment Insurance will only give you a maximum of $485 per week, or $45,900 a year -- and you have to pay income tax out of that amount -- so it’s important to think about how your household will deal with the loss in income during the first year of your baby’s life. In order to become comfortable with your reduced household income, calculate how much money you might receive in maternity leave benefits and try creating and living off of a reduced budget while or even before you are pregnant.
Lost wages
Not only will you lose a significant amount of income during maternity leave, but taking time off to raise children might also affect a parent’s long-term employability. MoneySense.ca suggests that for each year parents take off, they experience a three per cent wage loss. So if you return to the workforce after taking five years off, you are likely to earn 15 per cent less.
Mandatory expenses
Parents of babies need items such as a crib, car seat, stroller, high chair and baby gates. These items aren’t cheap, and can potentially cost thousands of dollars in total if you decide to buy new. Start your search for these items by asking friends, family, coworkers or neighbours who have recently had children. They might be willing to sell, lend or even give you the items that you are looking for. Make sure to check out Craigslist, Kijiji and neighbourhood yard sales for deep discounts on these expensive items.
Ongoing expenses
Children can be money pits. Not only do newborns go through a huge amount of diapers, formula and clothing, but the costs to feed and clothe your child will increase as they continue to grow. In fact, according to the MoneySense.ca cost breakdown, you could be looking at spending $48,760 just to put food in their mouths and clothing on their backs. Cut costs by breastfeeding if you can instead of buying formula, using cloth diapers and looking for hand-me-down clothing, toys and other miscellaneous items.
Child care
If both parents work full-time, the cost of day care will most likely be the biggest expense in raising a child, with costs ranging anywhere from $700 to $1,100 per month, per child, depending on your province and city. It can pay to do your research and get on waiting lists as early as possible. Note that day care is a tax-deductible expense, and the spouse with the lower income can claim up to $7,000 per year. So make sure to keep receipts for all child care-related expenses, such as nursery schools, nannies and day camps.
Shelter
MoneySense.ca calculated that the cost of shelter for one child, including furnishings and household operations, comes to $2,720 per year, or approximately $226.67 per month. Add up the expenses until age 18, and it will end up costing you $51,680 to put a roof over your child’s head.
Aside from the MoneySense.ca report, expecting parents can estimate how much a baby could set them back by using the detailed cost calculator at BabyCenter.com [http://www.babycenter.com/baby-cost-calculator]. It’s important to note that the information will be in U.S. dollars and geared toward American parents, but it still gives a good indication of what to expect before your little bundle of joy enters the world.
There’s no question that having kids comes with a hefty price tag, but most parents wouldn’t trade the experience of raising their children for anything in the world. Starting to save as soon as you can, collecting cost-cutting advice from other parents and planning far in advance of your due date will mean less financial stress for you once the baby comes -- and more quality time to spend with the newest addition to your family.
I hope you get the support from your boyfriend to look through all of this and work it out; it's a very serious situation, as I'm sure you're starting to realise. After your boyfriend leaves, you'll also need to go over it again with your dad and find out how you'd do it on your own if your boyfriend left you to deal with it alone (other than whatever financial help you could legally get from him).
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reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (12 January 2015):
Personally, I still think you should seriously consider adoption, but I do understand why you don't feel able to have an abortion - none of these are easy to go through.
Until then, I really think you should sit down with your dad and your boyfriend (maybe even his parents too) and figure out EXACTLY how much a baby will cost and how you'll all figure out how to pay for it; if you want to keep the baby, you and your boyfriend need to try your best not to rely on your parents because it's your baby and your mistake, not theirs.
It's ultimately your decision, but you need to be responsible now and figure out if you can give your baby the life they deserve; unfortunately, even though money isn't everything, love isn't enough to raise a baby and you need to be the parents with a little help from your parents, but you both need to step up, if you really want to keep the baby.
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reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (12 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I couldn't have an abortion, emotionally I couldn't handle it and my dad agreed that it would be hard on me.
And I do take blame for this happening, I should have made him use a condom. I shouldn't have unprotected sex.
My dad told me that regardless of what decision I made it would have lasting effects on me so I had to be the one to decide. As of right now I think I will keep the baby. His parents weren't thrilled but his mom said she understood my decision.
My dad has offered to help finically and said he would support me as much as he could emotionally.
I know my boyfriend can walk away tomorrow but as of right now he's here.
I haven't thought about school yet. im guessing from my last period that I will be due in September so university will probably not happen next year like I planned.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): I agree with Midnight Shadow, this is going to be very hard on you no matter what but which option will affect you the most? You have to be sure in order to have an abortion, in fact you dont want to regret whichever decision you make. You definitely should go to some counselling to help reach a decision, it will be really helpful and you can talk it out with someone who is non judgemental.
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reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (12 January 2015):
Not surprising. His dad's right; you should have been on birth control. Your dad's right, your boyfriend shouldn't have encouraged you and should have worn condoms every time.
You don't seem to realise how important it is that you both accept the blame for this.
If you can handle an abortion (probably with some counselling), that would probably be best. If you can handle going through the pregnancy and handing your baby over for adoption (again, using counselling), that would be the second best option. These are obviously just my opinions, but you now know how anti the family is about this tying you all down for the next 18 years. That's a very long time - longer than you've been alive.
This is why I really don't think it would be a good idea to keep the baby. I'm not saying they couldn't change their minds because they'd obviously love the baby (95% sure of that), but you don't want to have to raise the baby on your own if it builds resentment for being 50% of the reason you're "throwing you're lives away" - at least putting them off for the next few years. You have a lot more to sacrifice than he does because you'd be the primary carer with your dad....
I won't say you can't do it because you could - but would it be fair to you, your dad and, more importantly, the baby to struggle for the next 5+ years while you all try to juggle work, school, baby, friendships (most friends won't want to go baby shopping and have a baby tagging along all the time), etc....
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reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (12 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my day went as well as it could cisidering the situation. His parents seems nice, they were both pretty vocal about me having an abortion. It was interesting to say the least.
My dad told my bf how he felt, he was calm about it but he not so nicely blamed him. His dad on the other hand 100% blamed me, he said I should have been on birth control.
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reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (12 January 2015):
Try watching the English series "Pramface". It's a teenage girl who is pregnant whilst going to uni and, even though she's not in a relationship with the father, it doesn't glamourise teen parenting. The first few episodes are about her putting off her options and trying to pretend everything will be the same, then it deals with her trying to keep the baby and things she'll have to confront and sacrifice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): Your dad is thinking further into the future than just now and the next few months. The sooner you find out exactly how far along you are, the beter as you can discuss yout options with your doctor. Having this baby will be hugely difficult and dont be swayed by promises of help from your boyfriend/his parents because at the end of the day they can change their minds
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): It has only been a few days since he got the news. You both must be pretty stressed-out. I'm sure it's not the first time you've seen that look on your dad's face. Parents use it on us all the time. It's reinforcing the fact that they've told us something time and time again; but we didn't listen. As a father, he is entitled to use that facial-expression. Remember who put it there!
As an adult, he is much more aware of every aspect of the situation. Your young body is going to go through changes due to the pregnancy, you're still growing and physically developing yourself. He's got a million things going through his mind. There's nothing but love for you. You know that.
You're also feeling guilty, and I think you may be reading all his expressions the same. Concern and disappointment look pretty much identical. You're his child, kiddo! He's in daddy-mode. They stress over bills, work, he hasn't had much sleep, and he wants to choke your boyfriend until his eyes pop. He has to be civil when he meets his parents. They'll all be in the same room, and it's taking all he's got to stay sane and civil.
Sweetie, I think you need to give yourself a little break and not over-think things so much. Put on your earphones, go lie down, and just lose yourself in some good music.
Okay?
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female
reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (10 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy dad ended up talking to my boyfriends for a half an hour on the phone. He said he never thought he would be meeting his 17 yr old daughters boyfriends parents because I was pregnant and he seems pretty stressed out but he said its has to happen sooner or later.
He's much calmer then he was but he's a lot more stressed out . He hasn't been yelling at me but he looks disappointed every time he looks at me.
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reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (10 January 2015):
I'm hoping your dad and your boyfriend's parents will bond over how disappointed they are in both of you - your dad is less likely to have a full-blown go at your boyfriend for encouraging you to be so irresponsible, IF your boyfriend's parents agree and are saying the same.
I won't say don't be nervous because you should be. The first time you meet your boyfriend's parents shouldn't be when you're pregnant. However, you'll hopefully see where everyone stands on the situation and you need to talk to your dad before the meeting about what you and he can do together; you don't want to be feeling manipulated into a corner if your boyfriend's parents are telling you he will step up (whether he genuinely wants to or not) and you should keep the baby based on that. Since you'd presumably be living with your dad still and would need to continue your education and your boyfriend would need to do that, you need to know if you can afford a baby emotionally, financially, physically, etc.
Personally, I don't think you should keep the baby, whether that means an abortion or adoption, that would be your choice, but I think it would be selfish to bring/keep a baby in a family that is a mess, to be honest. I don't doubt you'd all love the baby, but you have so many things to do as a child to improve your future for any babies you may have when you're older and prepared, it would be too risky (in my opinion) to put a baby in a situation like this where you'd struggle a hell of a lot to actually succeed in your education and career.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): Don't be nervous about meeting his parents. They apparently would like to meet you. You don't mention your father's reaction to their invitation; but I would guess he is far more calm than he was a few days back. I know you didn't "intentionally" disrespect the wishes of your father. This is your first true love, and you did what you did hoping to make your boyfriend happy. You father was warning you that he could see things you didn't want to see. So now you are realizing your father's wisdom and why he tried so hard to protect you.
Don't worry too much. You've been stressing over this a lot and you really have taken on a lot for someone your age. You are in good hands, and this will all workout for the best. It will not be easy, but you've become an adult sooner than you had expected. Your father had hoped he could allow you to remain sweet and innocent as long as he could. Just being a kid. Fate has changed that.
Good luck!
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reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (10 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have an appointment with my doctor next friday.
I didn't disrespect my dad on purpose. I never left the house thinking, "I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend now", it just happened and my dad wasn't exactly on my mind during those moments .
My boyfriend told his parents last night, they want to met me and my dad on sunday. I'm nervous. I've never met them before plus it will be the first time my dad will see my bf since he found out about the pregnancy.
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reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (10 January 2015):
Quite frankly, your dad probably thought you were moving too fast by meeting your boyfriend's parents (or he'd have let you go for the day - 4 hour round trip is better than staying for the weekend with strangers) and figured that you'd probably end up in a mess like this.
May I ask why you disrespected your dad and went against his rules?
Have you been to the doctor yet? Or discussed your options with your dad? Reason being, if your dad can't afford to help you, it would probably be best for you to have an abortion or best for the baby to be adopted by people who want a baby, are adults, stable and are responsible.
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reader, BigCuz  +, writes (10 January 2015):
"Dad im pregnant", u had no problem going through the motions of getting pregnant, so you shouldn't have a problem telling him, pretending to be grown behind close doors,its time to except the responsibilities of your actions, or will it be his responsibility, from a father
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): Be brave, Tell the truth.
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female
reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (10 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't met his parents because they live 2 hours away. He goes to university here in my hometown. My dad refused to let me go there for the weekend because he said he didn't know them.
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reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (9 January 2015):
You aren't mature enough for sex if you won't be responsible and still think "I won't get pregnant" if you're not using contraception properly every time.Your boyfriend might not be a bad person, but he needs to man up and respect your dad. Your dad has done nothing but protect you, as you know, and your boyfriend has been childish not to respect that. You were also irresponsible to go against your father's wishes on this.I'm a little surprised you had sex without meeting his parents first. Why is sex an earlier step in a teenage relationship than meeting his parents? This is a mess and you're both going to have to grow up a lot, which I'm sure you think you know, but actually having to do it is something else. I've had a puppy for 3 months and I'm exhausted, let alone trying to raise a baby who physically needs you 24/7 and your boyfriend won't be around.You need to focus more on your dad than your boyfriend because your dad will be more support than your boyfriend, regardless of your choice.I do wish you and your father the best of luck and, I hope you and your boyfriend learn from this experience :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2015): Don't you worry about how his parents react. Your boyfriend is half responsible for your condition. They had better be kind to you!
If he didn't have a job, and he's getting a college degree; didn't it cross his mind that unprotected-sex would get you pregnant? If you ask me, that doesn't sound very responsible. He not only affected his future, he changed yours as well. Leaving you with the ultimate responsibility of deciding whether to be a mother or not. Having to live with your choice; regardless of what he plans to do about it.
Be strong, and you'll get through this. You're fortunate to have a great dad who'll be there for you every step of the way.
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female
reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (9 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend is telling his patents over the weekend.
I haven't met them before so I'm not sure how they will react
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2015): It sounds like you have a great dad who does his absolute best for you. Right now your dad is going to be really worried, not just about the pregnancy but about the long term impact. Many parents look forward to the time when their children are in their late teens as it means they can have some more free time for themselves. They dont stop being parents but they look forward to their child becoming more independant so that they themselves can relax a bit more and maybe have more of a social life.
Your dad is probably thinking a few years ahead to when you are a young adult, you will want a break sometimes from the baby/young child (as does every parent) and he knows that as a young mom you will need his support and help in various ways. Whether that is financial help, babysitting duties, day to day stuff, it will have a big impact on his life too and in some ways it will feel like he has a young child of his own again. This will stress him out further. Of course he has your best interests at heart, but as your father he has to think of all these things, not just the immediate future.
I dont think contraception is free there like it is in the UK, nevertheless you can get pregnant from having sex just once and Im sure you have been aware of that. Your boyfriend Im afraid has been just downright careless, at 19 he should have known better too and he should have thought about the possible consequences for both of you.
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reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (8 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI absolutely respect my father and I'm so thankful for everything he has done for me. Even though most of my childhood he was in and out of court with my Mom he worked very hard to make sure it didn't effect me. He never spoke badly of my mom, he gave me everything I wanted, within reason of course but he also strick with rules and things.I didn't date my boyfriend to piss my dad off or to get under his skin or anything like that. I didn't have sex to prove he couldn't stop me. He's not a bad guy. He might not have a job but that's only because his parents wanted him to focus on school, he worked through out high school and in the summer, he's never been in trouble with the law or anything, he doesn't do drugs. He might have attitude when it comes to my dad but that's it. I honestly didn't think I would get pregnant .
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2015): I think your father has a right to face your boyfriend. If he wants to yell, give me one reason he shouldn't?
That guy changed the direction of your life. He has placed difficult decisions in the hands of girl, who isn't really a woman yet. You have to decide whether to keep the child, give the child up for adoption, or something more difficult. Your choices are limited as far as your future and education. Raising a child is a huge responsibility.
Your dad is most angry at the fact that he warned you, and you disrespected him and didn't even consider anything he said about the guy. Nothing could be more frustrating to a father than to leave his daughter in the hands of a guy he knows isn't good for her. He stepped back in spite of his dislike for the guy. Most parents know if you try to stop a relationship between your kid and an undesirable love-interest, you push them closer together. They are rendered powerless. The wrong move could be disastrous, no action at all would be just as disastrous. As in your case.
You and your boyfriend took it to that place he dreaded would happen. This will settle at some point, but did any of this ever cross your mind? Do you respect your dad?
My concern is how all this is stressing you out. I'm sure that is on your dad's mind first and foremost. He is reacting as a father would in protection of his child. Anger is the emotion we present most when a situation seems far out of our control and in our face. Your dad knows there is little he can or should do out of anger. He is an adult, and he knows how far to go. However; if he wants to rail into your boyfriend, I'd say he has every right to. Just do your best to calm him down. You can at least do that.
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reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (8 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI knew that he would be upset I just didn't realize how much he disliked my boyfriend. He has made comments in the past but they were mainly just directed at me dating in generally and he said I few times that Jake (my boyfriend) would end up breaking my heart because guys "like him" did that. Any time I would ask him what he meant by it he would just say he knew what he was like.
Yesterday he was much more open and there is nothing he likes about Jake.
Then he said he didn't want him coming over. He kept saying how he knows he will leave but the next minute he says he doesn't want him here. That doesn't make sense.
I'm afraid of how he will act when they do meet again, I know he will be telling him how he feels but I'm afraid of how he will do it. If he yells like he did with me I don't know how my boyfriend will react. I don't him to say anything back to my dad and piss him off any worse then he is.
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reader, C. Grant +, writes (8 January 2015):
 Kiddo, if he didn't love you, didn't care for you deeply, he wouldn't get upset. He will come around, and he will turn out to be your strongest supporter. I know it's hard to give him time when you're so freaked out yourself, but this is the worst part. Take a deep breath. It starts getting easier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2015): It sounds like your dad took it pretty well to me. If it was mine he would have called the boyfriend up immediately to give him a piece of his mind. Let us know how the doctors appointment goes, dont forget you have options at this stage and you need to think over them all carefully. Do your research online, it will help you a great deal and you can find information from reputable sources such as organisations.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2015): Read my post again. Everything is happening just as I said.
He'd be angry. He'd wants to strangle your boyfriend. He's figuring your boyfriend purposely refused condoms to spite him, if something like this happened. I also mentioned he would believe he failed as a parent. This is how it initially plays out, sweetheart. Now just calm down.
This is the initial shock. You've got to remember, he's a single-dad. He's under a lot of pressure and now he's on the hot seat. He wants to smash your boyfriend's face, but he has to chill. He can't afford to get into any trouble.
You need him too much. Everything he does is going to be under the microscope. Family, friends, and neighbors will judge him. This will all pass.
He doesn't want your mom to gloat and criticize how he's raising you. The dust will settle. Trust me on this. He has to wrap his head around it first. He will cool-off. He's more angry at your boyfriend, than he is at you. He just has a lot going through his mind. Teen-pregnancy is a big deal. How would you expect him to react; when he didn't like your boyfriend from the start. He saw this coming based on YOUR behavior with your boyfriend alone.
As I also mentioned, things have to be worked-out about school, and he has to make sure you get to a doctor. Now when he comes home, he'll be much calmer. Still pissed as hell, but now you will be his first priority. He has to sleep on this a few times before he regains his normal calm.
OOOOHHHHH!!!! The things he wishes he could do to your boyfriend that the law doesn't allow. That's what frustrates him most! He'd castrate him if he could!
Let us know how things go. Settle down, my dear! Okay!
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reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (8 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI told my dad last night, it was hard. I tried telling him but I got teary eyed an he assumed that my bf broke up with me and when I said no and tried to tell him I just cried harder and he kinda figured it out. He asked if I was pregnant and when I said yes and got pretty upset.
My dad isn't a yeller so it was weird seeing him that way. He ended up just yelling and cursing for what seemed like forever and I ended up running to my room crying. I cried myself to sleep.
This morning he didn't wake me up for school and when I went down he had a note on the table for me to stay home from school and that he had just went to work for the morning to get some things straightened out and that we would talk when he got home.
He was much calmer when he got home. He was still really angry and he 100% hates my boyfriend, he is convinced my boyfriend won't be around much longer and seriously believes that everything he does is to rub it into my father that even though he doesn't like us dating that he can't do anything about it.
The day was going fine until he asked something about condoms and I confused we didn't use any. He totally lost it then. I didn't realize how much he hated my boyfriend until now.
He made a comment about how my mom was going to have a field day with this and how he screwed up. Which makes me feel horrible for disappointing him. I didn't mean for it to happen and now I know how I screwed up everything.
We did make an appointment with my doctor
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2015): Hi, you seem to be realistic about this despite your very young age. I would talk about it with someone professional before deciding what to do, you have choices and you dont want to regret it later.
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female
reader, KaileyLove +, writes (7 January 2015):
 My best friend found out she was pregnant when she was 20, and she was in that same situation as you. She lived with her father too, except her parents were never married. In fact, he never really got to see her grow up. She moved in with him when she was 18. He is VERY strict with her.When she found out she was pregnant, she wanted to tell her dad but couldn't find the courage. She never did. When her stomach started getting bigger he just looked at her and said, "Are you pregnant?" Don't do that. It didn't end well, haha.She has told me that if she had told him, she would have sat him down with her boyfriend and calmly told him. But I think you should also go over your plan with him, show him that you're really taking this seriously. If you're thinking about adoption, tell him, just make sure you go over every option thoroughly.If he's mad, he'll come around. Don't worry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2015): It doesn't matter that your boyfriend doesn't have a job. He decided to change both your futures by not using condoms. it was his idea not to use them. So he has financial responsibility all the same, if you choose to keep the baby.
Good luck with your dad. From what you've said in the second post, I think he'll handle it fine. He sounds like an extraordinary dad!
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female
reader, Jessicalynn +, writes (6 January 2015):
Jessicalynn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, I want to tell him ASAP I wouldn't want him finding out from anyone else.
I know he will be angry and I admit he has every reason to be, I guess I'm more worried about disappointing him over anything else. He's always been my biggest supporter and he is a pretty awesome dad. He's done amazing things that I know he would rather have not done lol, he has taken me and my friends formal dress shopping, sat through Miley Cyrus concerts and watched endless hours of teenage drama shows.
I did tell my boyfriend, he was shocked. I'm not going to lie and say we always used protection. We did most times but my boyfriend said it felt better without one. And we were dumb enough to think it was ok. He didn't really say much when I told him, he was kinda shocked. Like I said before my dad hasn't hidden his feelings about us dating so my boyfriend has just kind of gotten used to having a crappy attitude towards my dad to piss him off I think.
Financially there is no way my boyfriend can support a baby fully on his own. He is a full time university studen, who doesn't have a job during the school year.
I don't know where I stand with abortions or adoptions. Until this past weekend I never really put a lot of thought into either one of them.
I don't think I could have an abortion and I don't think my dad would support it either.
I'm smart enough to know that the chances of teenage couples staying together and living happily ever after are slim.
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reader, deirdre  +, writes (6 January 2015):
I just see that you are in canada not the US, maybe there is some centre that can offer you non judgemental counselling or other help regarding your options. I wish you luck whatever you decide, do update us on how it goes
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female
reader, deirdre +, writes (6 January 2015):
Hi, sorry for your predicament. I cant imagine how you must be feeling about such a huge issue at only 17.
You have got some great detailed answers here, I have to say please think carefully about your options. Dont assume that you and your boyfriend will be together in 5 years time, Im not trying to make you feel bad but nothing is guaranteed in this life and you need to base your decisions on what is best for YOU and the potential baby here.
What were your plans for the future before this happened? Did you have anything in mind to study after high school? Go on vacation, party with your friends or boyfriend? How will this fit in with having a baby?
Do think about your options carefully, if you are early on then an early medical abortion is possible with tablets. Perhaps a planned parenthood clinic near you has trained pregnancy counsellors which would help you arrive at a decision which is best for you.
All the best x
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reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 January 2015):
 You're his daughter. he will ALWAYS love you so just tell him,get it over with and move on.
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reader, C. Grant +, writes (6 January 2015):
This is something I thought quite a bit about as the father of two girls. Of course I never wished a teen pregnancy on them (and fortunately it didn't happen), but in my "what if" thinking I considered what I was afraid of for them. There's a long list -- death, serious illness, disability, etc. In that context pregnancy is not that close to the top of the list. Yes it's unfortunate, yes it's life-changing, but it's survivable.
Yes your father will initially be disappointed and perhaps angry. So try to put the news into the context of the far worse things that could happen. As other posters have said, accept responsibility, tell him you're sorry for disappointing him (if you are), and tell him you need his help.
As a father I would want to know sooner rather than later because I would want to help and support my little girl. There are options to consider and plans to be made, and that's all best done as soon as possible. At some point the anger subsides and you want to console your little girl and help make things better.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): You and your dad are close. It is rare that the father gets to raise his daughter as a single-dad. I admire men who take-on this responsibility; because they are rare.
My sister died of leukemia, at only 32. My brother-in-law raised their two-year old daughter to the age of 20 single-highhandedly. My mom died when I was 17, and my dad raised us too. Only he could afford a nanny and housekeeper. Yet, he was still mom and dad as far as my siblings and I are concerned.
Single-moms are saints, and single-dads are awesome! You are very fortunate that you get along well. That will make things simpler, not necessarily easier.
My dear child, he will be disappointed and feel somehow he failed to do his job to protect you and to teach you. That is the normal reaction of a loving and dedicated parent. He most certainly will lose his temper! Once he regains his composure, his love takes over; and your well-being becomes his main concern. Although, he will want to strangle your boyfriend!!! Guys want to get into your panties as soon as they look at you, and no one knows this better than a father.
Fathers are tougher on their daughters than sons, and give boyfriend's fish-eyes for this very reason. Daughters are the apple of their daddy's eye. When daughters get rebellious and head-strong; they are asserting the fact they are growing-up. The downside is; they're also capable of getting pregnant! Girls are too quick to submit to the wishes of their boyfriends. Guys who can walk out of your life as quickly as they walk-in. Now you're worried about dad's reaction?!! After the fact? Seriously?!!
Not only will some girls do it once, they'll do it again and again. I hope you've learned better than that.
You can wait until the morning sickness erupts and the baby bump shows; or, you can let him know so you can start the appropriate prenatal-care.
Sweetheart, don't be afraid and face this all alone. He can only be so angry for only so long at you. It's your boyfriend who better be shaking in his boots. You're only 17! He has completely changed your life. Exactly what your father feared.
Just some fatherly-like advice to you from me. Some guys do what your boyfriend did just to show your father he could. In that case, you helped him to spite your father's wishes, and circumvented his wall of parental-protection around you. You should only feel responsible for that. You should also use condoms and practice safe-sex for your own protection.
Now you've lost your father's trust. That is usually temporary, unless your dad is a mean iron-willed monster.
You show no indication that he is in your post. What's done is done. You're still his baby girl. He's not going to turn against you when you're the most important thing in his life. At best, he's going to be a granddad and have two people to love him.
Be strong. It's going to be rough for awhile, but the sooner you tell him, the sooner you'll get past worrying about it. There are important things you need to do to care for yourself, and you don't need to be under so much stress.
Then you have to workout things about completing high school during your pregnancy; if you're still a student, and decide to keep your baby.
Get it over with. It will be scary and a relief all at the same time. I just pray your dad doesn't beat the tar out of your boyfriend.
Best of luck my dear!
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reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (6 January 2015):
Whilst common to have sex this young, I think it was irresponsible of you and your boyfriend to not just stick to activities that couldn't create a baby. This is precisely what your dad wanted you to avoid because he knows how difficult it will be for you, regardless of what you decide to do.Now, that said, it's good that you accept that you need to tell your dad about this. If you used protection(?), tell him that you were trying to be responsible and it didn't work (because of incorrect use), but don't lie to him if you didn't use protection each time you had sex.I think you should write him a letter explaining the situation (accept blame for your part in it; he will be very disappointed, if not a bit angry, anyway and more so if you make out like it's nobody's fault) and sit with him, in a calm situation, and give him the letter. Then you talk it out. You talk out your options and, whilst your boyfriend's opinion is important, you will need all of the support you can get to go through abortion, adoption or parenthood, so you need to know what your father can and can't do to help.Are you ready to be a mum? 24/7? No time for resting? No school or very difficult to do work? Are you able to handle a baby who is crying and needs changing, feeding, burping, is sick, etc. How about taking on school, work and a baby? No time to be with your boyfriend except when parenting, which he'd either have to quit university to do or you'll be a single mum (effectively) and you'll be the one juggling everything....?I'm not trying to say you can't do it, but just to be realistic; what I've mentioned is the tiniest portion of it and, whilst some teenage mums cope quite well, most don't and it falls on the grandparents - a.k.a, your dad. These are just some of the questions that your dad will probably ask you and, while its okay to be emotional, you have to be respectful and make a decision about what's best for your unborn baby - can you give him her a good life, or would an adoptive family be able to do that better, or could you not raise a baby yet, but couldn't go through 9 months and give the baby up, so an abortion would be better?Ultimately, it's up to you because it's your body, but your dad's and boyfriend's opinions also matter. Personally, I'd put your dad's opinions over your boyfriend's because your boyfriend won't be able to support you as much as your dad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): There's no best way. Just say Dad, I'm pregnant.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2015): Oh Dear. I feel with you. You are so young and yet you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Before saying anything to your father, what are your thoughts about the pregnancy, and does your boyfriend know? If he does, is he willing to take an active role in raising the child? Financially this is also going to be very difficult. Obviously if your decision is to have and raise this child yourself, your father is also going to be very involved as no one else can financially do this. Your BF is still in university and he can probably hardly take care of himself. I suggest you speak to a counsellor about this and make sure to take prenatal vitamins, and folic acid to ensure you have a healthy baby. You have to come up with a plan asap, not just for your father's sake but for the well being of your baby. The issue of your dad is just the first door you'll need to open. The next step is dealing with a decision that will be with you for the rest of your life, whatever that decision will be. Good Luck sweet heart. My prayers are with you. Don't give up, and be strong.
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