A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can you please advise if I should confront my friend or not over something that has left me feeling upset.We’ve been friends for around 15 years, she was my bridesmaid at my wedding a few years ago, she even told me she was pregnant before telling her own family so I feel like we do have a deep friendship but she has now made me question this….She got engaged recently and was having an engagement party but told me she would only be inviting family as they both have large families so inviting friends would be too complicated. I completely understood and we arranged to meet up this Saturday for lunch. Unfortunately I discovered that she did in fact invite “friends” to her party - my friend isn’t on facebook but a mutual friend of ours is and posted on her Facebook some pictures and videos of the party. There were so many “friends” of hers! I have no idea why she didn’t invite me, especially as I am one of her oldest friends. Looking back I did notice that she kept repeating the fact that they weren’t having friends over - just family - like she was trying to convince me- I never even questioned it. So my question is - shall I ask her about this on Saturday or not?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 September 2023):
 And suffice to say I would not be meeting her for lunch.
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 September 2023):
I'm going to add to this, and this means nothing it's just me thinking out loud.
In this day and age of digital cameras, smart phones, internet, world wide web and social media sites that it wouldn't occur to her that you would find out that other friends were present, on your own just as you did.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (12 September 2023):
Again, I agree with Honeypie.
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A
male
reader, Vitosh  +, writes (11 September 2023):
"she even told me she was pregnant before telling her own family"
Did she get herself pregnant before you did?
Was she married (already/yet?) at the time?
Is she a mother nowadays?
Are you?
I'd say, you need not feel bad. For all you know, she's the type of person who sees strictly no difference between the people that she did invite, and those that she did not...
For all you know any member of either 'group' is nothing more than object that she trifles with, will discard when it's past its expiry date, and sometimes prematurely too, and will have not a single second thought about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 September 2023):
 I forgot to ask, if she asks you why you are so busy all of a sudden or who you RSVP's can't come to her wedding, tell her you saw ALL the other friends who were "good enough" to invite and that you do not appreciate being lied to and treated like a leper. Wish her good luck and cut this off.
Now if this is a one-off - I might just ignore not being invited. But I'd guess this isn't the first time she has excluded YOU specifically. You just didn't notice this is the past?
If you FEEL like you want an answer, ask her in person when it's just the two of you. See how she reacts and then CHOSE where YOU want to take this friendship.
I'd be so hurt.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 September 2023):
I don't think so.
It's her wedding, her engagement party. She can invite whomever she likes - she just shouldn't have LIED to you.
Was the party one with a lot of drinking? And you don't drink?
Are you significantly younger or older than the rest?
However, I would probably start to distance myself from this person, she doesn't see YOU as a close friend anymore. She lied to you. So YOU wouldn't feel hurt that you weren't invited.
"inviting friends would be too complicated." What a load of cow manure!!
I might be petty but I have no time for people who can't be honest with me. I'd be too busy for her from now on, that includes toe wedding.
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