A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 years. I'm ashamed to admit it but I've been faking orgasms. He has managed to give me real ones periodically but it isn't the norm. I did it because I wanted to keep him happy and make him feel good. But it's backfiring. I feel it's lacking the realness because I feel I'm performing. The sex is very good and I don't even need to orgasm. But I do it because that's what I think men want. And I worried he'd leave me or find someone else if I didn't. That was back in the beginning. We're serious now and he proposed. We are looking for houses together. But I feel like I'm being dishonest. And don't want to fake it forever. I can't tell him without hurting our relationship. I've tried to orgasm normally but it takes a long time. And he's used to it happening much quicker. So he tends to give up or take it personal. I don't know how to turn this all around and start over. Help please?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 October 2019):
 Although this is nothing to do with the question you ask, alarm bells ring for me for two reasons: (1) you felt you had to pretend to orgasm so he wouldn't leave you and (2) the fact he gives up if you take "too long" to orgasm. Is he that selfish in other areas of your relationship too? Is this how you want to live your life: doing exactly as HE wants for fear of upsetting/losing him?
To answer the question you asked, obviously you CAN'T tell him you've been faking it all this time without upsetting his ego. HOWEVER, our bodies change all the time and often stop responding in the same way to the same stimuli. You could always try to approach it from THAT angle. Tell him what USED to work no longer seems to be working and suggest new things you could try.
Also, I do wonder what you mean by "orgasm normally". Do you mean from penetration alone? If so, then that is not "normal" for the majority of women. Most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. If he is a selfish (or clueless) lover, then he won't know (or care) about that. I am assuming YOU know how to bring yourself to orgasm? He is not a mind reader. Everyone is different. Let's assume is he not selfish, only clueless as to what YOU need to orgasm. Guide him. Make suggestions. Encourage him when he does something that feels good. Most of all, stop faking it. Hopefully, with a bit of effort, you will no longer need to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2019): Maybe you both could do a little more to have them. Do you fantasize during sex? I do -- even let out his name once -- oops! It just drives me nuts when I pretend I'm in a motel room with some guy I actually know. I only do it for 30 seconds when I'm getting close.
These vibrating penis rings are from heaven.
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