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How do I tell my boyfriend I shaved off my pubic hair?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 October 2011) 17 Answers - (Newest, 28 October 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok, so about a week ago, I was shaving my bikini line, but I angled the razor wrong, and shaved off a patch of pubic hair that made my area, which is usually neat, trimmed, and proper looking, look stupid, so in an effort to try and fix it, I ended up shaving everything off.

Now I feel rediculous and wont even look at my lower half. I read online that it usually taks about 2 months for it to grow back, so I'm willing to wait, but the only problem is my boyfriend likes to finger me. I dont want him to feel that there's suddenly no hair down there. I'd be so embarrassed!

So how should I keep him away from that area while still respecting his feelings and not notifying him that somethings up?

He's the kind of guy who, if you say something hinting at a secret or mystery, he will try to find out what it is...

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (28 October 2011):

person12345 agony auntI remember when I was your age I was incredibly self-conscious about that area too. But you have to learn to get past it or you'll never be able to have a normal sex life.

Things you think look unspeakably stupid to you are things your boyfriend probably wouldn't notice. Not to stereotype badly, but teenage boys are not known for their superhuman powers of observation. I bet if you didn't mention it he would not even notice a difference. And if he did, you think his genitals look statuesque and elegant?

I know as women, especially as teenage women, we are taught that our genitals are embarrassing, smelly and ugly. But it's just not true, even an iota. Many painters have used the shape of the vulva as inspiration for exceptional beauty. And guys aren't sitting around critiquing our labia and haircuts, they're thinking "YAY SEX!" Not to mention there's no criteria for good female genitalia and bad genitalia because there is no normal.

You're young, he's young, you're both experimenting and getting your sexual footing. The way your pubic hair looks has NO BEARING whatsoever on sexual pleasure and I guarantee you he does not care what you do with it. This is something you need to be able to look at, have a giggle, and move on with your life. It is pubic hair, not the apocalypse. All things having to do with sex get embarrassing sometimes, from queefing to odd smells to weird fluids to getting bumps and bruises to doing something odd to your pubic hair. It's all normal, and if you don't learn to just, as CindyCares says, get a grip and move past it or you will never be able to relax and enjoy sex. Just try laughing about it with him and see if it helps. Learning to laugh at yourself, especially during sex, is a great thing to learn.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (27 October 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt I swear I do my best to try and think with a teenager mind when I answer teenagers'posts , but some times it is reallly difficult! " I don't want to think about it "... ? Why, is that such a calamity ? A life altering tragedy ?...

If a five o' clock shade on your pubic area is all that gives you bad thoughts, let me tell you that you are a lucky, lucky girl !

Please get a grip, you are OCDing about nothing.

So you have a five o'clock shade of growing hair-... and ?

Do you always have to be perfect, pristine, immaculate ?

Don't you ever get pimples, don't you ever had a bad hair day, don't you ever get spinach stuck in your teeth ?...

You are a common mortal and as such subject to possible misshaps happening to your beauty and image. It does not alter who you are and it won't stop your boyfriend from

liking you and finding you desirable.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you, everyone.

I think it looks so stupid right now, especially since my crotch has a five o clock shadow now... I really dont want him to know, because of how much I dont like it. I think its mostly I dont want any attention brought to it, because I dont want to think about it...

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (26 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntnot sure why you don't want him to know unless you are afraid he will ask you to keep it that way....

it's really no big deal.. if you don't want to tell him the truth then tell him you wanted to try something new...

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A female reader, KittieS United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2011):

KittieS agony auntI did a similar thing about a month ago - I'm usually very "low" on the hair length, so doesn't take long to grow back a light covering shall we say, I had left a very small amount there (I find the bald look rather uncomfortable for me) - he loved it, I basically said might not happen all the time, but maybe again when you least expect it - I followed this with a wink.

Just exfoliate with a gentle exfoliater as re-growth if you shaved can be painful and leave bumps

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (26 October 2011):

chigirl agony auntOk, just tell him that you made a shaving error last time you were trimming your hairs and want to hold off on sexual activities down there until you feel comfortable again.

Why is it so horrible if he knows? What's so bad about him knowing you accidentally shaved it all off and therefor don't want him to touch you down there? I think it's fair that he gets an explanation at least, otherwise he'll think you are pushing him away and don't want him any longer, which is hurtful to him.

If you absolutely must, fake the first week as a menstruation... It shouldn't have to take 2 months for it to grow out, one month should be plenty to have a little carpet in place.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (26 October 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt Look, if you think this is worth becoming a liar, you can simply tell him that you've got some female inflammation or irritation that will heal in a month or so and the doctor said leave it alone.

But , do you really want to lie about something so ( pardon me ) stupid ?.

First, what's there to be embarassed ? You shaved yourself by mistake, you started doing something and ended up something different. Like some times when you trim your bangs,you know ?

Second, if you don't feel comfortable enough with your boyfriend, that you can't be yourself and talk to him normally about something so uneventful and irrelevant like a pubic shave gone wrong , and you have to cloud it in mystery, ... then maybe you should not be with this boyfriend, because you have poor communication . Or, maybe, you are too young /shy/ awkward yet for any boyfriend .

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (26 October 2011):

CindyCares agony aunt What's the big deal ?? He'll probably LIKE it, for the novelty of it if nothing else , - and if he does not, hey, it's only hair, hair grows back fast.

Girls are always experimenting with their nails, make up, hair colour,etc. I don't see why a failed experiment with pubic hair should be so different- don't go make drama where there isn't any.

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A male reader, JustHelpinAgain Canada +, writes (26 October 2011):

I think he will notice, just slightly! !! I also think he might just like it and you can tell him you did it as a surprise for him. I really can't imagine him not liking it, as it grows back you can experiment with different haircuts! I personly like about 80% shaved with a littletuft in the right place, but to be honest I'm not that fussy. Keeping it short does stop the hairs getting stuck in your boyfriends teeth, if and when you want more than a finger. I really wouldnt avoid him because of this, he would definitely think you have stopped liking him.

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A female reader, Battista United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2011):

I think you'll find it takes fewer than 2 months for it to grow back. You'll soon get some regrowth even if it's not the original length, so I think it will look back to normal fairly quickly.

To be honest I feel that you're over-thinking this. I reckon your bf probably won't really notice or even care very much. I don't think you need to try and keep him away from the area because I don't think he'll find the new look a problem at all.

Just carry on as normal, and if he does say anything then just explain to him as you did here. There's nothing to be worried about at all as far as I can see. You've no need to be embarrassed, that's for sure.

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A male reader, serenity80 United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2011):

Just tell him what happened in the say way you have told us.. nothing to be embarrassed about.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (26 October 2011):

Ciar agony auntSay njothing. If he asks or comments about it then tell him exactly what you told us. Leave out the bit about feeling ridiculous as this really isn't a big deal. The more fuss you make of it, the bigger an issue he will think it is.

Besides, you don't have to justify your grooming habits (or accidents) to him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, it's not that I think he wont like it, it's more like I'm embarrased about it and dont want him to know about it.

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (26 October 2011):

The Realist agony auntAre you sure that he won't like it? I would just show him the next time you two are getting into things and see what his reaction is. Don't say anything, just let him find out on his own. People are pretty much split on their pubic hair preferences. You may be surprised at the reaction that you get out of him.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (26 October 2011):

person12345 agony auntAll of it being shaved off seems to be the overly ridiculous thing porn is dictating women do nowadays anyways, if anything he will probably be happy about it. Anyways, what does how he thinks your pubic hair looks have to do with your sexual pleasure? It's your hair, you can style it however you like. You shouldn't be denied sexual satisfaction simply because you have a new haircut.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Last time I leave the title blank....

I do NOT want him to know that I shaved. That's why I'm trying to find a way to keep him away fromthat area till it grows back...

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A female reader, shrodingerscat United States +, writes (26 October 2011):

shrodingerscat agony auntJust tell him.

If you are mature enough to be sexually intimate with him, you should be mature enough to talk to him in an open and communicative way about your body.

If you're so embarrassed by it that you can't tell him, you need to consider stopping being intimate with him. Good healthy intimacy REQUIRES open mature communication. If you are incapable of this, please wait for sexual situations with your partner until you CAN.

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