A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been happily married for almost 3 years now but the end of last year we went through a very bad patch and I found myself attrcted to someone at work who was always very nice to me and paid me alot of attention, which was great because I felt neglected by my husband. This person and I became very close friends and even went away for a night together but when he tried to kiss I told him no and we talked all night about my problems and I realised that i still love my husband very much and wanted to work things out with him. After that things were going great at home but recently he has started asking me alot of questions that make me think that he thinks I had an affair. How do I tell him about all of this without making him think I was cheating? I don't know if he'll beleive me.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (14 February 2007):
 This is going to be a difficult situation for you. The truth is you did cheat on your husband, emotionally. You even got close enough to try and kiss. In other words, to some degree, you did kiss. You were in a physically compromising position with another man.
You can minimize it by saying it didn't go further...but...you did agree to go away overnight and probably intended to be with the other man. There was probably alot of flirting that lead up to that moment too. You also shared too much information with someone who you had feelings for. You told him all the relationship bad stuff, he used it as ammunition and said what you wanted to hear and you started to fall for him. Its a classic story.
Your husband knows something doesn't fit. The truth is, he's correct. If you admit to him you spent the night with this guy he'll probably never believe you didn't have sex. I wouldn't. Would you believe him? THERE IS NO WAY TO PROVE IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. As a matter of fact, the odds of something NOT happening in that scenario are very low. You actually gave up your expectation to be believed when you spent the night with the guy. I believe you but I'm not married to you. You're not evil for what you did but depending on what your problem was, you gave up trying too soon.
This will probably haunt him and you for a long time. If it is going to ruin your relationship, his questioning I mean, then you must tell him. If he can't get over your infidelity then maybe the marriage is over. Sometimes the truth hurts. I hope he believes you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): The truth is an emotional connection is what cause a affair. A lot of men and women say that you can be friends with someone even if you shared a private/personal moment with them. This is not always true. Guys like to hang around and pretend to be your friend if they are attracted sexually to you. Some of them start asking you out to lunch and make you feel that nothing is wrong with that. This is how things start. I personally believe that the person that you talk to the most other than your mate should not be the same sex as your mate. This forms an emotional connection. When problems occur at home, the person you talk to the most instead of your mate, can only damage a relationship. Guys look forward to this, because they want sex. The only way to get it is to make you feel they are there for you. This is your mistake. Any friendship that meets the place of your mate, has progress to far. You and your mate need to talk. Openly and honestly. You must risk losing the friendship with this guy if you want to commit to your relationship at home.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (12 February 2007):
 If nothing happened, there is nothing to tell. If you know that nothing will ever happen, no harm done. Learn the lesson here.
It may hurt him to know that you went as far spending the night with someone.
Why the questions now, if things are alright now, no need to stir it all up again. Your husband may just need reassurance and feel insecure.
Honesty is very important and if the guilt is eating you up, you must tell him but be prepared that he may not forgive you even if nothing happened.
Good luck
Angel of Love
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