A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with this guy a little over a month now. We see each other on weekends. Every now and then he says, 'so where are you taking me?' I drive. Then he said, 'so you're inviting me.' Meaning I'm paying! I only paid twice for dinner. I figured ok he's paid all our dates. So, why not?Now, I'm irritated.. I told him about a week ago.. if I want to pay I'll pay but I get annoyed if you make it a point to say that. He said, 'ok, I'm sorry.' It stopped. Now again, does it go 50/50? I think what bothers me the most is that he mentions his cousin is being taken out by this lady.. she's picking him up and paying. Also, my boyfriend tells his sister.. 'girls have it good. They can eat for free every night of the week. It's nice for a girl because she doesn't have to pay for anything.' So, I'm confused.. am I a fool for letting this continue? If so, how do I tell him without sounding like I want to be taken out all the time and not have to pay?!?
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I am like Satin Desire here. Very old school in this particular topic. Having said that, think, if you are already questioning his approach on payments, what would this be like when you are in a committed relationship with a household (and children) to upkeep? In this economy too, I might add.
Love and caring and looking after each other includes understanding on who is in a better place financially at any given time. Having said that, it is also very nice that once in a while there is a surpise from the partner who has less money to do something nice that may cost him/her a bit, as it is a symbol of sacrifice for the other partner.
Enjoy your nights out!
Cat
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I also am a full time student and pay for my tuition and books but I take care of myself. If you were not dating him who would be paying for your meals. He is not a charity he works hard for his money too. Pay your own way be independent not dependent damn what is wrong with women always wanting men to pay for you. Women that expect men to pay are the reason why good women who take care of themselves can't find a man because you make them so jaded that they don't want to get into anymore relationships. Quit being dumb do your own thing if he wants to pay let him, if he wants to you to pay tell him you don't have enough money if you can't pay tell him. Its that simple.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Equal that is how it should be if he wants to go out tell him you don't have enough money to go out. If he still wants to take you he will pay. I'm a female and I hate it when a man pays for me everytime I'm a very independent woman and I think all women should be having a man pay for your dinner is setting womens lib back 50 years. Pay for your own dinner and have him pay for his.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): My boyfriend and I just recently had this conversation. He feels that the woman should pay sometimes. That it shouldn't always be the man. But at the same time, he understands that I don't have a lot of spending money once my bills are paid.
I told him if you can't afford to take me out, we should stay home. Unless, of course I can afford to pay! I am used to the man always paying. Even when I was married, and my husband and I would go out, I would give him the money prior to going to the restaurant, so he could pay...it was our money, but it always looks better when the man pays...I guess I am old fashion that way.
On the other hand if I do have extra money, I wouldn't mind taking my boyfriend out on the town! It makes me feel good to be able to do that!
I guess it is a personal thing that you and your guy have to come to an agreement on, there is no right or wrong!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe makes more money. And he only works. I go to school and pay for my tuition plus books.
I guess I just get bothered at the fact that he makes it a point to say that once in awhile. Pretty much saying, 'girl I'm not paying for all our nights out, you work too.' But I'm not sure I'm reading too much into it.
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