A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:- met man of my dreams after a serious relationship of 4 years- heartbroken over the 4-year-relationship but pursued by dream boy before healing process had even began to start.- his patience and opening his heart asking for commitment = ongoing for 3 years since we met, friendship built over this time, REAL friendship.- after much reflection over time and mistakes, = I realize there is such thing as commitment-phobia, that my first serious relationship did this to me. Realizing this effects this still has on me, despite now being over my first love finally now (im proud of it!)- finally independent, no need for "a" guy.- But I have pushed away dream boy for 3 years, not being ready to commit, not reflecting on why, until recently. - His patience has worn thin though, he has been ignoring me for 7 months and assumes my lack of commitment for him is due to issues I have with him rather than time, and my own issues I dealt with.- How do I show him now I'm serious and ready to commit? That patience and time is all I needed? That my own personal issues were never intended to breed insecurity on his part about himself?- He thinks I am guilty of using him over the years. He thinks I'm Scarlett O'Hara, and has given me the "well dear, I don't give a damn". - He does. He keeps in touch through a mutual friend who has explained his frustration and wrong assumptions about why things have turned out like this.- How do I tell him the time is right now, and that it was never an issue with him, but me and my commitment phobia?
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Well you can't do anything until you've got an open line of communication with him...
After that it should be simple enough. Just explain everything that you've written here but face-to-face. Be open. Be vulnerable. Lay it all out there. Then give him your phone number and say something along the lines of:
"I don't expect you to forgive me, or believe what I've said, but I won't bug you anymore, if you want to talk- here's my number, if I don't hear from you then that's ok, I just wanted to let you know how important you've been to me... and yada yada yada..
It just flows out... easy peasey.
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